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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Boyfriend did nothing for valentines

19 replies

NZGirl96 · 14/02/2024 04:31

I am based in NZ so a fair bit ahead!

Today is our second valentines.
When we met we both agreed it’s a pretty pointless day, we’re both never the types to go out for a more expensive dinner or do anything fancy for it.
But last year we couldn’t resist getting each other a card and a little gift. He got me our favourite gin because it reminds him of us. He also made a little card sort of as a joke but it was sweet. We name the day something different and personal now due to an inside joke that happened on the day last year.

But this year, i got nothing. He hasn’t so much as mentioned it.
The last week or so, our car broke down so our ability to get to the shop has been very limited.

Yesterday it was finally fixed; we went to the shops and I said I had to go off on my own for a bit to get something. I got a little card and a book he’d really like.
He joked that it was mysterious but I thought it was pretty obvious what it would be for.
Whilst I did this, he just went to a coffee shop and sat having a coffee. I felt really upset that he clearly hadn’t even thought about getting me anything.

And I think I was right. There’s not been a mention all afternoon. I’m going to give him the present in a bit but genuinely I don’t think he’s got anything at all.
I guess I’ll update when I give it to him, but I’m feeling really anxious and hurt. :(

OP posts:
PeopleAreWeird · 14/02/2024 04:36

Maybe he forgot?

NZGirl96 · 14/02/2024 04:37

I don’t see how he would. I slipped off on my own to secretly shop, in a shopping centre that was covered in hearts and balloons…

OP posts:
Sirzy · 14/02/2024 04:38

When we met we both agreed it’s a pretty pointless day

so you know his views on it and share them yet still expected him to do something?

NZGirl96 · 14/02/2024 04:43

He did last year! We said we would never spend loads of money but we’d acknowledge it

OP posts:
Changingplace · 14/02/2024 05:09

When we met we both agreed it’s a pretty pointless day

You agreed it’s pointless yet expect him to read your mind he should get you a card anyway, sounds like hard work tbh! You shouldn’t have told him this was how you felt when clearly you should’ve said you don’t see it as something to splash out on but you like to mark it in a small way.

It’s completely unfair to be upset with him when you’ve not been consistent.

Changingplace · 14/02/2024 05:10

NZGirl96 · 14/02/2024 04:43

He did last year! We said we would never spend loads of money but we’d acknowledge it

But you never said that originally?

WandaWonder · 14/02/2024 05:11

we decided it as pointless so don't do it, I can't be doing with these mind games things

judgementfail · 14/02/2024 05:13

I've been with my DH for 25 years. When we got together we also agreed it was a pointless day and we've never even acknowledged it. Why would we? Isn't it supposed to be for anonymous loves to declare their feelings not for people in relationships?
Sounds like he took you at your word.

Sparklfairy · 14/02/2024 05:57

You might have agreed it's a pointless day and to avoid expensive dinners etc, but you both DID acknowledge it last year with a small, thoughtful gift. I don't think he, or other posters here, can simply bat you away and say well you said it was a pointless day so...

The goalposts were moved from that 'agreement' when you got each other small gifts. You celebrated Valentine's Day in a way that was special to YOU, rather than the commercialised hollow shite.

I don't think he forgot if there was reminders everywhere in the shopping centre. Present him with your gift and remind him of last year if he tries to wriggle out of it. He'll either go 'FUCK I'm so sorry I forgot' and make you a nice dinner or something to make up for it, or he'll dismiss you and try and push that it's not an important day.

If it's the latter, something has changed in the relationship for him since this time last year.

Shoxfordian · 14/02/2024 05:57

I think that's rubbish when he gave you something last year anyway, of course you expected him to do it this year.

246810k · 14/02/2024 06:35

Been with my dh 10 years and we only did valentines on first year together you've already both said its a bit pointless so really don't fret!

IncognitoUsername · 14/02/2024 06:43

What time is it now? Perhaps he has planned a meal out somewhere?

MiddleagedBeachbum · 14/02/2024 06:44

Sounds like he’s totally forgotten about it, hence why him saying it was mysterious you going off on a secret shop….

Sux2buthen · 14/02/2024 06:45

Just talk to him and tell him how you feel

NZGirl96 · 14/02/2024 06:56

So it turns out he completely forgot. He said he’s been wrapped up in work etc and didn’t realise the date. He seems to feel really bad and he did apologise, he’s offering to make dinner so I guess it’s a win 🤷🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

OP posts:
Notacrescentcroissant · 14/02/2024 06:57

You"re a kiwi! Rise above such nonsense!

Sparklfairy · 14/02/2024 06:58

NZGirl96 · 14/02/2024 06:56

So it turns out he completely forgot. He said he’s been wrapped up in work etc and didn’t realise the date. He seems to feel really bad and he did apologise, he’s offering to make dinner so I guess it’s a win 🤷🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

Called it! Grin enjoy your dinner OP

SheepAndSword · 14/02/2024 07:02

@Notacrescentcroissant 😆

Him making dinner sounds lovely, enjoy @NZGirl96 :) Do you know what he's cooking?

Ella31 · 14/02/2024 09:44

With my dh 9 years, married almost 2 years. Lost our baby sons (neonatal loss) 12 weeks ago. Trust me, there are bigger hurdles to overcome in life. If you have a good relationship, be happy with that. Give him the card you got and have a nice evening. I'm only saying this because in time it really does just become a day out of many. Enjoy each other every day.

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