AIBU to not disclose mental health issue?

[Mustardforest]

First time posting.

I've had five wildly successful dates with someone, and a sixth this Friday. Am smitten as anything and feel really excited by this new spark. We've kissed every date and they've been out in public.

The chap has been very open about struggling with depression being on anti-depressants until recently, and other elements of family trauma. It all came out naturally in conversation, nothing forced, and didn't feel like any element of trauma dumping etc. He joked after the couple times it happened that our dates were accidentally featuring speedy therapy from his side and it became a bit of a joke.

Thing is - I particularly haven't reciprocated this openness.

I have anorexia and psychosis - with meds for the latter and am under ED services for the former after I was sectioned last year. I'm classed as a 'SEED' case - severe, enduring eating disorder due to the fact it started at 18.

All of my relationships have crumbled because of this disorder. Every single one. I'm in my early thirties, I'm tired, and desperate to not go through another ending of a relationship because of this. So I feel I should be open sooner rather than later so the gentleman can make a fair decision of whether he'd like to continue or not.

But I'm scared of the outcome, if history is anything to go by, or scaring him off too early.

AIBU to keep hiding the extent of my mental health issues, especially as he has been so open?

I would have thought that was the case, but there is a thread here at the moment about someone meeting a guy with self harm scars, and a lot of the comments are fucking judgemental and awful.

OP - I think disclosing sooner rather than later is a good idea. That way, he can make a decision before things get too serious and you end up with your heart broken.
Despite your ED issues, you still deserve to find love and happiness... and if you find someone who knows about your illnesses and sticks around then you are onto a winner.
I spent years single and thinking no one would want me despite my own enduring MH issues. I met someone in a local MH group, and we clicked and are very happy and understanding of each other.

Good luck!

I think how much you share depends on how much it impacts you still. It sounds like your MH issues are still quite a big part of your life, and I think it's therefore better and fairer that you share.

I have MH issues but am high functioning and most people seem surprised when I tell them. A recent ex was a narc who exploited my MH issues so I am being a bit careful about what I share and how early on. But I'm quite confident my MH issues don't significantly impede relationships with others or have negative impacts on others, because I internalise. I've been dating a guy for a few weeks who is also very open about his MH. About three weeks in I told him about the diagnosis I have which is the most troublesome, and he's been really good about it. I haven't told him about the other which I've had longer than not as it's always pretty well controlled and it's one people often misunderstand.

there is a thread here at the moment about someone meeting a guy with self harm scars, and a lot of the comments are fucking judgemental and awful.

Yes, I saw that thread and was pretty disgusted with some of the replies. I have self-harm scars on one arm which I always anxiously hide - except at the gym where I just get too hot to keep them covered. I had got used to trying to trust people not to think badly about me, but now I think that may have been wrong.

It is very polarised though: while there are some people who are just uncomprehending and alienated, others find it easy to be compassionate and understanding. OP, I think you need to give this man opportunities to show which he is. That is the only way to be fair on both of you. That doesn't mean you need to give his chapter and verse though. Just open up gradually, in line with the pace of the relationship. x

Are the judgemental replies from people with serious mental illnesses, though?

@SummerDays2020 no however speaking as a single mum. OLD is a shit show because people are very dishonest. You can't go around misleading people it isn't fair. My nan has mental health so I've got an excellent understanding. OP has 2 conditions which I suspect 1 is pretty obvious. Would you date someone who lied?

You don't need to tell him if you don't want to yet, but if it gets serious I think it would be good if you felt open enough to mention it. I also have anorexia. It can be really difficult. I would not want to be with a man that would reject me if I confided this in him. With psychosis, I think there might be more prejudice from the general population about what this actually 'means' in real terms to them. Some people wrongly assumes that those suffering it are always violent, unsafe etc. I'm sure he won't be judgmental though as he's been so open about his own MH issues. He sounds nice and you seem to like him, so just be yourself. If he rejects you because of your illnesses then he's not the right bloke.

Not in the main, no... but some are from people with lived experience via loved ones.
And some are plain weird anyway... such as the insistence that children are impacted by the past MH issues that happened to their parents long before they were born.