New relationship that won’t go anywhere

[Mumsworld1212]

Hello looking for advise I have been seeing my new partner for 8 months we get in great i have 3 young children and he has 3 young children.. he comes round Monday-Thursday night gets here around 9pm then away at 6 the next morning for work.. we don’t see each other over the weekends as kids don’t get along. We will never be in a position to move in together, have children or get married. I feel we don’t and can’t spend more time together and relationship can go further than what it is do i stay or call it a day?

Did you go straight from not knowing him to him sleeping at yours 4 nights a week?

Wasn't there a period before that when you were dating for a while? Why don't you do that again. Datings the fun bit in my opinion.

So the 6 children have all already met and spent enough time together to see that they don't get along?

Already thinking marriage and children and moving in together. It's all a bit too much too soon.

You've tried to rush the dating part and it's been detrimental to your relationship.

Maybe as a pp said, go back to dating and take things a bit slower.

To be honest that would suit me fine.

Why don’t you just enjoy things as they are?
Why do you need to follow a timeline?

OP I've said it before but I'll say it again. You don't have to move a man in with you just because you're in a relationship with him. I'm not sure why so many mumsnetters do (i'd hazard a guess at financial reasons) but, in real life, I seldom see this.

Depends on what you want- if you want more kids and a marriage- yes probably as things are it’s not going to go in that direction. If you want adult company- then give it a chance.
for myself I know if something happens and I find myself single with my child, I wouldn’t want more kids or marriage - but that’s me.

Are you enjoying the relationship? I think that's all that matters at this early stage, personally.

6 children that don't get along? It's a no from me

How do you feel about it? Do you feel like he’s just interested in staying the night (getting fed and sex) and feel a bit used?

Could you suggest a weekend away (if you can both arrange childcare for Saturday/Sunday?

If you’re happy with the arrangement then carry on. (Hope he’s contributing to meals when he stays!)

The dc won’t be small forever.

6 kids between you sounds like quite a lot to me, do you want more than that?

If you've both got three young children, that's got to be the priority for now. If you're happy with what you've got now - you could just enjoy that until you're in a place that you're no longer both with young children and can prioritise a relationship.

I think when you have dc you can’t really expect to have anything more especially with someone else who has dc. Trouble is most people over 30 are going to have DC’s and blending 2 families is almost impossible. So you kind of have to except that this is the way things will be for a long time or you stay single until your dc are much older. I have been single for 9 years on and off, have tried to fit relationships around my dc but it’s been near impossible when often they have dc too. Now my dc are older teens and one has left home, it’s starting to get easier to date though I’m pretty happy on my own.

I have kids and I’m in the process of figuring out what me and bf’s future could look like. He doesn’t have kids.

Id be happy wi to your set up? If you love him and he treats you well then it’s not a bad compromise.

My children haven’t met bf yet and it’s been 10 months so thinking about a brief meet soon. But don’t rush things.

Children won't be children forever. I've been in a relationship for 7 years and my bf and I don't plan to live together until the kids are 18 or go to uni. I have 7 years left. Honestly, it can work really well living in separate houses.

It doesn't even sound like a relationship. He comes round at 9 pm. At what point are you in bed? Then he leaves at 6 am so no time for conversation then. Obviously you need to take it really seriously that your children don't like his and have a good look at whether he's actually a good father to his own children.

But in any case, six children in one house is bad enough without them not getting on! Add onto that the fact that you don't really know this man at all because he isn't there long enough for you to get to know him and I think the only conclusion is to end it.

Sounds perfect to me, if I had I certainly wouldn't want 3 more. Even if they did get along now there is no guarantee of this in the future.

There for I think it's perfect for your situations, everything is beautifully seperate and the children don't have to endure other families and partners foisted on them. However you both understand what it means to have children and commitments.

The last thing I would be looking for is marriage and moving in.

There is so much wrong with this situation, not least that you have SIX children between you and you want to add more. I guess you must both be on 6 figure salaries so affording a big enough house won't be an issue at least 🙄

It’s not so I want to live in this situation for the next 10 years +, I miss having someone to bounce off of during the day, making a nice meal ect, do I settle for this or do I wait until I find someone that fits better into my life