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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask your birth plan if you have older children

14 replies

sugarplumbfairys · 13/02/2024 10:40

We moved to a different part of the country due to dh work a couple of years ago so don't have any family near by.
Most of the friends we've made are other school mums who would potentially help out but it could be awkward if they are at work or it's early hours of the morning.
Dh can look after the dc as a last resort but then I don't have anyone else close enough to be a birthing partner.
Do people give birth alone?
What do people do in this situation?
Dc are school age but only reception and year 2.

OP posts:

Givemepickles · 13/02/2024 10:43

I'm having an elective c section. My mum will stay with us from a few days before and look after DS while I'm in hospital. Obviously not a choice for everyone but right for us. Also no family around.

VincentVanGoth · 13/02/2024 10:45

Husband was only present for our first baby - the next 3 I birthed alone. He was upset about it but I secretly enjoyed it!

Original poster

sugarplumbfairys · 13/02/2024 11:28

I'm more than happy to do it alone, I'm just worried the staff will expect me to have a birthing partner, with my last they we're quite busy and left me and dh alone until the last bit so I thought it was expected that you'd have someone with you.
I did consider an elective c section as I'll be 41 when baby arrives, I thought I'd be home quicker to my other 2 with a vaginal birth if no complications.
Home birth is not an option due to strep B so need intervention antibiotics throughout the birth.

OP posts:

Youcannotbeseriousreally · 13/02/2024 11:29

Could you have a home birth?

ah sorry - cross posted there. Thats a shame. Round here there are mothers help type services? You could meet in advance etc and they would come to your house?

Original poster

sugarplumbfairys · 13/02/2024 11:31

Youcannotbeseriousreally · 13/02/2024 11:29

Could you have a home birth?

ah sorry - cross posted there. Thats a shame. Round here there are mothers help type services? You could meet in advance etc and they would come to your house?

Edited

I've been told that's not an option because baby will need antibiotics for the birth due to steep B.

OP posts:

mrssquidink · 13/02/2024 11:32

This was me when it came to having my second and my MiL stayed with us. One thing to consider: even if you’re happy to labour alone with DH looking after your children, if you go into labour in the middle of the night how will you get to hospital? (I woke up at 3am and went into hospital about 4:30am).

Givemepickles · 13/02/2024 11:32

sugarplumbfairys · 13/02/2024 11:28

It's impossible to know in advance isn't it. I have many friends who've had emergency c sections and all were home within 36 hours whereas I had an uncomplicated vaginally birth and was for 5 days after (plus the 2 days of the birth). Could go either way with birth as much depends on baby's health as well as yours.

Original poster

sugarplumbfairys · 13/02/2024 11:33

@Youcannotbeseriousreally replied before your edit, I haven't heard of that. I'm in Cornwall but I will have a look and see if we have something similar.

OP posts:

TheSnowyOwl · 13/02/2024 11:36

On one occasion I gave birth alone because of lack of childcare.

You can get temporary day/night nannies if affordable. However, you would need to meet them and make sure you trusted them, and your child was happy with this.

AuntieMarys · 13/02/2024 11:38

I gave birth alone for my 2nd. Wasn't an issue at all.

TheBirdintheCave · 13/02/2024 11:41

Our plan is that my mum (and hopefully dad) will come down on the train from the north to take care of our toddler once I go into labour. If they can't (dad is waiting on hip surgery which I'm sure will just happen to occur in May 😅) then my brother and SIL live 10 minutes away. They are currently second choice as they both work full time and have an eight month old so everything would be more complicated in terms of son getting to childcare as usual etc.

arecklessmanor · 13/02/2024 11:44

You could hire a doula to support you with the birth.

Or a nanny to look after the children.

Usually when there is no family support you need to throw money at the problem, but money alone is often not enough when it comes to children. I mean, you’d also have to trust them.

I had an ELCS for my first and would do the same if I were lucky enough to have another, hopefully could happen when DC1 is in childcare, otherwise I would go alone.

Original poster

sugarplumbfairys · 13/02/2024 11:44

I won't worry too much then. I thought I'd be the only person to enter the delivery suit on my own and there'd be people wondering what was wrong.
Dh can drive me in and pick me up, maybe the little ones will be at school some of the time so he can come for a bit, it's the one thing you can never really plan.
Of course at my age I might end up having to have a c-section anyway.

OP posts:

Alexahelp · 13/02/2024 11:48

Can anyone come and stay for a week or so? We had no one nearby, literally moved the month before. My FIL came a few days before my due date and minded the first while we went into hospital. Very easy birth and out 12 hours later mind.

I have friends where the whole thing happened so quickly there was no time for care. One gave birth alone with husband and older child in the car outside! By the time they were settled the family member had arrived to help and in the grand scheme of things it was not a big deal.

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