To think we should value 'platonic' love as much as 'romantic' love?

[SlightlyJaded]

Triggered by another thread, but this is something that has been on my mind for a while.

As a society, we value 'romantic' love above all others. If someone posts on MN saying that they have been 'crying all night' over breaking up with a BF they have been with for less than a year, we are all (rightly) compassionate and understanding of a broken heart.

If the same poster posts that they have been 'crying all night' over falling out with their best friend of many years, people pile on to say that it's a bit OTT and tell the OP that they sound 'clingy' and 'intense'.

Why do we place such little value on platonic love? This is often a relationship that has endured years and hurdles, holidays and life-events - is the 'sex' thing really the game-changer?

I genuinely don't know the answer and I have been thinking a lot about the differences lately. I love DH and have been with him for decades. I also have a best friends that I have known even longer. The love is different but they are both constants and losing either of them would break my heart.

I don't know. Just musing really... but I just feel that we need to start giving platonic love the power and credit it deserves.

Totally agree with you.

I find it really odd that the vast majority on here seem to think it's totally right to prioritise your partner over your closest friends - or, as I saw once here, 'expect [your] friend to understand why [you] would cancel plans with them if there was the chance of a shag'.

My friends were never just placeholders until I settled down. They were valued highly before him and so continue to be valued just as highly now that I'm with him. If I knew somebody saw me as a placeholder - someone to pass the time with until love came along - I'd tell them to fuck off.

Totally agree.
It honestly would floor me if I ever were to lose my best friend of 30yrs.
Together we went through lots of (horrible) romantic breakups on both sides. But she will always be there, I know this for sure. And knowing this makes me a happier person.
Much happier than when my ex would be around forever and she would be gone.
I couldn't cope.
The difference is the love being unconditional, I have no rules to keep in friendship other than to not do to her what I wouldnt like done to me.
I can call her for help if I am falling over drunk, shit my pants, was in an argument with lover, want to scream and complain about lover, cry about my cat, cry about something any other person would say to be ott and get a grip. She wouldn't.
I wish a friend for everyone, a romantic love comes second.

100% agree with this. I have no family contact so the friendships I have cultivated throughout my life have become like family to me and I value them so much, we underestimate the importance of genuine human connection.

Female friendship particularly is such a beautiful thing, I'm so grateful to have them to support me through bad times and celebrate the good ones, they have seen me both ugly crying and laughing so hard I can't breathe.

I love my partner and we have been together 7 years but I think I would be far more devastated to lose one of my platonic friendships than our relationship if I'm honest.

@FluffyChemical I also have no family (other than the one I've created with DH and DC). It probably does mean that I value my friendships a bit more than someone with say, lots of siblings/parents etc

Having said that, i still believe that as a society we undervalue the 'love' between friends and should start reframing it.

I can say hand on heart that I was devastated when my friend from day 1 of primary school moved overseas for close to 30 years when we were 22. She is back now.

Platonic love between women is very beautiful indeed.

Totally agree. My best friend knows and understands me more than anyone else in my life including DP.

I value platonic love!

Me and my bestie are gonna get the marks and Spencer's valentines meal deal tomorrow and go halves on it because 1. There is more than one type of love and 2. Why should we miss out on the meal deal just coz we're single 🤪

I think there’s been a positive shift in recognition of the importance and significance of relationships other than couple relationships over the past twenty years or so. Changing lifestyles and socioeconomics, including greater numbers of young people leaving home at an early age to go to university, and increasing house prices necessitating many young people living with friends in houseshares for a number of years, has led to many young people developing very strong friendships - and in many cases, getting a closeness and level of support from those friendships that most people of their parents’ generation thought was only possible to have from a romantic partner.

It is a shame that there are so MN threads where posters seem to pooh-pooh adults spending lots of time with their friends or having lots of friends as childish and somehow juvenile because friendship isn’t the “real deal” compared to having a romantic partner. The reality is that your friends will be beside you through all the years where you’re preoccupied with romantic entanglements, the pursuit of everlasting, undying love, and the heartache of breaking up with the boyfriends and girlfriends you thought were going to be the love of your life. The people who nurse you through the great loves of your life who are the great loves of your life! Your friends are one of the great romances of your life.

Totally agree that platonic love should be valued equally. Last year one of my closest friends stopped talking to me without any warning.
We've been through so much together and I am devastated and still get upset 6 months later.