How to deal with people who are off hand?

[Darklingthrush123]

I just seem to encounter it more and more. People not realising that they are being a bit selfish and off hand with others especially when it comes to the impact on other people’s plans.

So lateness, or not replying to invitations or cancelling at the last minute… I don’t want to bin all these people… how do you deal with it?

Set them a good example by being excellent yourself. Or talk to them about it.

... also, that's not what off-hand means.

If people show me they are flaky (not talking about a one-off/occasional issue) then I do 'bin them off' - not completely consciously but I usually lose interest/respect for them and naturally lose interest in maintaining a relationship ultimately.

However, during this process I may just do things like not wait for them if they're late (e.g. meeting somewhere - text when I get there (on time), text 5 mins later to say I've gone exploring and text me when they get there). Cancellers - I don't make future plans with them/or plans when their last minute cancellation would impact the event (e.g. only do things like that as a group). If they suggest a coffee next Tuesday - I would reply free at the moment, give me a text on Tuesday morning if you're still up for it and we'll arrange a time then. If something else came along then I wouldn't keep my diary free for this coffee that may or may not happen.

What do you think off hand means??

Off-hand to me (know you're not specifically asking me!) would mean disinterested/dismissive replies.

Can be interpreted as disrespectful just like being 'flaky'. I definitely would avoid someone who was off-hand AND flaky!

I'd say off hand means someone being rude or dismissive. Not arriving late, not replying to invitations and cancelling last minute. Cancelling last minute is totally flakey and a shite thing to do. Being late, bit annoying but loads of people are late. Not replying to invitations, what like at all? Or just not speedy etc?

Google it - because these people are definitely right, and you've got the wrong end of the stick.

But that's changing the direction of the thread. The OP is asking for advice, not for people to nitpick.

If someone’s in the habit of being consistently late or cancelling for flimsy reasons, then honestly, I tend to take a step back from the friendship.

Not necessarily cutting them out completely, at least at first, but things like not including them in plans for events where it’d spoil it for me if someone flaked out at the last minute, not meeting up as often and so on.

If you’re close enough then talking to them about the impact their behaviour’s having on you may work, but it may not. Some people seem determined to be oblivious to the notion that they might upset or annoy others by being consistently late or cancelling things.