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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to want more children

13 replies

gg12346 · 12/02/2024 23:45

Hello all,
I came back to mumsnet after years , I wanted to get advice on my last doubt I had .I have a son from my marriage and I dont want any more children ? I am diabetic and in 40s .First of all I think I cant take the mental and physical load of another child in the family .Altough children are always a blessing .My husband doesnt do anything in the house and also doesnt do parental responsibility .The day my son was born and untill now everything is my duty ,his swimming , school runs , his education , everything .He just provides for us finacially but doesnt shares any more responsbilities .I work part time and also own my business ( which is not doing well ) .My son is quite old now and I am thinking going back to college and starting a new life and giving my life a new direction .If I have a kid now I will be running the same story again and I dont want to do that .Am I being a selfish mum ? My lo will not have any saiblings and might be lonely when he grows up but honeslty I dont have the energy to have abother kid

OP posts:
LizFromMotherland · 12/02/2024 23:47

No, you just happen to be married to a selfish bastard.

I'm sure your son will be just fine, albeit with a strange idea of how marriage works.

YankSplaining · 12/02/2024 23:52

I’m an only child and I loved being one as a kid. I’m very introverted and I never felt like I was missing anything. I don’t get the whole “being lonely” thing, either - only children are people without siblings, not prisoners in solitary confinement.

Between your age, health, and disappointing husband, I can’t see why you’d want to get pregnant again. Even with that aside, it’s fine to look at your life and decide that your family is “at capacity.” You’re not under any obligation to have more children.

GreyhpundGirl · 13/02/2024 00:15

Siblings are no guarantee of anything.. Although close now as adults, my brothers took every opportunity to ditch me when we were kids. I have an only and she isn't and won't be lonely as she has her parents' undivided attention, and is very independent with lots of friends. My husband is an only and has never felt he missed out on anything.

Having another child because you think the other needs a companion is far more selfish. You're not obliged to have more children, even if your marriage and health were perfect.

caringcarer · 13/02/2024 00:51

If you're one and done that's fine. Being diabetic pregnancy is a bit harder for you. Your DH does not sound very interested in the DC you have.

Islandermummy · 13/02/2024 03:09

The "only children" I know are really well adjusted, considerate, lovely people. So definitely don't do it just to avoid having an only child.

Sounds like YANBU: best not to try for a second kid unless you're fairly sure about it

underneaththeash · 13/02/2024 06:35
  1. Your husband doesn't help (and your marriage doesn't sound happy)
  2. You have a health condition which could cause you or your baby harm if you had another
  3. You're in your 40's

Any one of those is a good reason not to have another child.

AndThatWasNY · 13/02/2024 06:41

Your DH sounds like a total dick. Is there a reason to stay with him?
And absolutely don't have another child.

MiltonNorthern · 13/02/2024 07:06

Is your husband asking for a baby or are you just feeling guilty? Either way it's clear you don't need to be having another child. Put it out of your mind.

Greenpolkadot · 13/02/2024 07:14

My gd is an ' only child ' but is loving .. unselfish.kind and caring.
Give it a lot of consideration and thoughts.. Another child won't make your life any better . especially as you have a selfish husband...You are.. effectively..a single parent

Gymmum82 · 13/02/2024 07:18

I wouldn’t consider having another child in my 40’s. I feel too old. Plus am well in to peri menopause so I doubt it’s even possible. Yanbu and your husband sounds a lazy prick

Rosesanddaisies1 · 13/02/2024 07:19

No one needs any reasons not to have kids or not to have more kids.your DH sounds awful. And kindly; it’s unlikely you’d get pregnant

Dweetfidilove · 13/02/2024 07:39

Siblings are no guarantee of future happiness or companionship for your child. So many don’t even like or bother with each other.

It’s also okay to make the decision to have one child. It’s the sensible thing to do in your circumstances, as you already know another child would bring you more work, stress and resentment.

Original poster
gg12346 · 15/02/2024 18:45

Thank all
I know but out if extreme guilt I have this question? Lo has no one here and after we are gone I wonder what will happen .
But having said that I am already perimenopausal ,obese I get tired so much easily. In my 40s running around and doing basic chores only make me feel extremely exhausted ...so I really don't know how will I manage .. you have to do justice to every kid you get into this world ... hope I am just making the right choice and everything will be fine in the end

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