To report to social

[IcyPeachMaker]

MIL was widowed five years ago and has not left the house since, she has given up on life. Many family member have tried countless times to get her out and seek help but she refuses. A year ago her physical health took a turn for the worse she's been diagnosed with a lung condition. She's been given medications to help which she refuses to take. Told to quit smoking and get excersise, she refuses. Her sons literally do everything for her which is now taking its toll on there health. I visited for the first time in years at xmas (she never allows visitors to the house) and I was shocked at what I saw. She can't make it upstairs to use toilet and shower. The house smelt and was a total mess, there was no warm running water (boiler broken) a ceiling that had fallen through because of a leak leaving exposed pipes and electric wires. I've tried telling her sons but they shut me down and say everythings fine 😳 aibu to try and report this to social, she clearly isn't capable of looking after herself and needs help or should I just turn a blind eye?

If she doesn’t leave the house, is her GP doing home visits? If so, I would speak to her practice manager and ask whether they can look to refer her for further support based on what they see at the time.

She won't qualify for free care if she owns the property, regardless of spare income. Have just been through this exact scenario with DM. The LA left her with under a pound in her bank account when she died due to care costs. Also, the paramedics may well have already made the referral, as that's what happened with my mother. What SS did do was put her in residential care, at cost to her, wait an age to sort out the council hoarding department so the bills mounted up, clear her house and charge her £1500 for it, and then send her home with carers she couldn't really afford. I had an abusive childhood so wanted minimal involvement but 'social' as you call them are more hassle than they're worth!

Only if she agrees to get help. If she is able to make a decision and refuses, they can't force her. Environmental health may have something to say but it rakes a LOT for them to be able to enforce change. A social worker can't even insist on coming into the house.

The voice of bitter, ex older peoples social work experience 😫

There's no easy answers. In the cases I've worked with, the older person, who has then gone into a residential setting hasn't lived very long. But the referral could at least make the sons come to an agreement and persuade the mother.

Absolutely safeguard this. Call the local authors and ask them to do a safeguarding referral and she needs an adult social worker /career ESPECIALLY as she’s hoarding too.

Respectfully, who should foot the bill?

The more I think about it the more I think you should contact them, regardless of if she wants 'help', she needs hot water, warmth, and safe electrics. If your husband and his brothers are leaving her in there like that she will be extremely unwell.
She may well need to go into a home and fund it by selling the property. It's better than living in squalour. I guess if she abjectly refuses it at the highest level, then you have to walk away and say you tried your very best.
I have to say I'm horrified that your brothers siblings could visit her each day knowing fully the conditions she is in. NO boiler, in winter...for how long? That would be one thing they might need to explain to SS.

Yes alert social services

But if she has capacity she can refuse help and there's nothing that can be done. She's an adult and can chose this.

My friend had a similar situation with her parent minus the roof issue. Said parent refused to allow anyone into the house to fix the heating situation. My friend suffered personal problems of her own and couldn't help anymore. Social Services were somehow alerted - the heating got fixed and she now has 2 carers daily. Another family member also periodically goes in.

I think you should call them.

Well, controversially, as the whole bill was under 10k for care and cleaning, I suggest the government take it out of all the tax and NI that my grandparents, my parents, and then I as a higher rate tax payer have paid. My mum started work at 15 and retired at 64 and was still paying tax on her pension. I'm sure there's enough there to go at without raiding the bank accounts of our elderly.

You can contact the hospital social worker.

Encourage your husband to look into the ECO Scheme. She might be able to get a free new boiler under that.

You can refer her to social services as a vulnerable adult, and you can do this anonymously. But the solutions are not always as easy as one might hope. If she has mental capacity she can make the choice to live in this way - but SS will make sure that she knows what is available in the way of help and she can then choose what to accept. Does anyone have power of attorney over her finances and over health and welfare.?

Congrats you pay tax - as do a large number of us. Not feasible for the government to foot this bill for everyone of us that pays tax. Especially as you can obviously afford it being higher taxed and all

I'm not higher taxed anymore. It wasn't feasible for my grandad to risk his life in the merchant navy during the war to buy my mum a house for the 'social' to then threaten to take to pay for care which should be free. If everyone paid, then that's one thing, to pick on those that own their own home to foot the bill and then others get the same care for free is revolting and discriminatory.

For you and the other hards of thinking, NO-ONE apart from those on Continuing Health Care get " free care". It's all financially assessed and charged for at varying rates. Residential costs ALL income save about thirty quid a week. LA subsidises care, they do not give it free.

Everyone DOES pay. Clear?

SO fucking sick of this trope being trotted out. My mother paid for all her care because she could, and I don't begrudge a penny of it. It's the rainy day she saved for.

I'm not hard of thinking, how dare you say that I am? I think the degree, higher degree and other postgrad prove I can process information, analyse it and comprehend 😂

Having been through the whole process within the last 12 months and dealt with the paying for care team personally, I can confirm that if mum hadn't owned a property she would not have been expected to contribute to her care. I'm delighted that your mum was more financially astute (or just had different circumstances) than mine, my mum couldn't afford to pay for her care and suffered severe hardship in the last months of her life due to it. I'm also now in debt from picking up the slack. So no, everyone does NOT pay. I'm also glad that you think it's ok for our elderly to be stripped of their assets while as a nation we are paying millions to support other countries, foreign nationals over here and home grown idiots that refuse to work or pop out baby after baby to unknown fathers. I personally think they should be funding themselves and not our old people who have worked and saved for a lifetime. Now go and swear at somebody else and get your facts straight. Clear?