Is this CF or just normal?

[Adviceon1]

Whenever I tell a certain family member we are going on holiday they seem to come up with a list of things they want. Just for context I never do the same, so it’s not beneficial for me to buy them stuff as it won’t be vice versa etc, 2 examples: went to India a short while ago on family holiday and they wanted us to buy a decorative statue for them, when I looked into it it would be too much effort to have it shipped back etc so I told them I can’t. Another time they wanted some designer bags and I explained with 3 kids under 10 it’s impossible for me to take them on a shopping spree! We have a work event coming up somewhere where people are known to buy a certain thing as it’s tax free. It makes me so awkward and feel I have to keep explaining it’s difficult as I hate shopping!

Agree this is CF, just say you generally don't spend time on holiday shopping and don't want to have to worry about weight in luggage/breakages etc so would appreciate not being asked to buy things.

@IWouldRatherBeOnHoliday i’m wondering if this person doesn’t understand the implication of having to carry extra weight or things around? Surely they must realise having a 3ft statue I can’t just carry around! They made me feel really bad as they kept mentioning they will have to spend 10x more getting similar when I could have saved them money

Tell them you'll be charged extra luggage for them when bringing them home - and they'll have to pay for it. Make sure you tell a cost that is more than they would pay if ordering direct.

Why not just tell them where you went after you get back?

@HappiestSleeping kids always excitedly reveal plans!

Don't tell them you are going away.

It's main character syndrome. Their response to you going somewhere is "what can I get from there ". Tedious and unpleasant.

@Adviceon1

just say 'Sorry, No I can't'.

you have enough on your hands as it is with the kids.

you won't be going shopping (what with the kids)

you can order pretty much everything online these days, it's not like cigarettes duty free!

Just say you're low on luggage space so won't have any room left after souvenirs/gifts for the kids.

Darn.

Stop telling them you've booked a holiday

CF territory

You said you can't. What's the issue. They can ask, you can say no

They’re not just asking, they’re guilt tripping OP when she says no 🙄

If they are of my generation, they'll be used to asking people to bring back duty free. Maybe it's the same mindset?

'No' is a complete sentence.

Stick to your guns. Tell them how your luggage allowance is already tight with having kids to pack for too. That should be enough of an explanation. It they do keep pushing I'd tell them straight that you aren't wasting time on your holiday and dragging your kids round shopping.

Just say no you won't have time to shop or won't have space and suggest they look online

If just do the, ‘ha ha-sorry, I detest shopping, that’s the last thing I want to do with three kids on my Holidays!’

That’s super interesting as a concept, you’re probably correct

Keep saying no but try not to feel guilty - hard but there it is because there is nothing wrong in you saying no. The problem is them being CFs, why should you feel bad. My PIL used to do this to my DH when he travelled a lot in a low paid job. Always expected duty free for them or their friends but never offered payment and he didn't dare ask. Probably one of the reasons they don't like me because it stopped when we started seeing each other - not because I demanded it but because he realised it was cheeky. Can't imagine how much he spent before that.