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AIBU?

I can't cope with my 5yo anymore

132 replies

Dara99 · 12/02/2024 19:15

He had always been high energy but since starting school he is something else. Huge tantrums, won't listen to anything I say, calls me stupid, tells me he never wants to see me again just because I have run him a bath and he doesn't want one. He punches me, kicks me, is vile. I'm a good mum, I have boundaries, he has good nutrition, but he's just awful to me. He has suspected adhd but as he's so young nobody will help. Everyone just says 'watch and wait' with no support at all. I just want to cry all the time and count down the minutes until he goes to school. I don't understand what had changed. It doesn't feel like a phase and I feel like he hates me. I don't know what to do.

OP posts:
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herewegoagainy · 13/02/2024 14:30

Loud shouting does not work on any child.

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hummmmm · 13/02/2024 15:03

ilovebreadsauce · 13/02/2024 14:21

I'd love to see them try their stern consequences and loud shouts on a child already in sensory overload

Literally nobody has suggested that.put him on time out spot and keep returning him like supernanny does

Someone literally did. Page 4 of the thread.
"For what it's worth, if he does accidentally hurt me I do shout. A big booming one. The shock of that normally snaps him out of it."

Supernanny timeout might work for bad behaviour. Meltdowns are like panic attacks, they are not in control and it's scary for them. They need help to calm themselves down, not to treated like they're being bad.

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hummmmm · 13/02/2024 15:05

ilovebreadsauce · 13/02/2024 14:16

So he must be able to control himself if he can manage to be able to not harm other kids?

That's what masking is.
Keeping themselves under tight control causes pressure to build which escapes when they are somewhere safe.

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Worriedmotheroftwo · 13/02/2024 18:47

Someone literally did. Page 4 of the thread.
"For what it's worth, if he does accidentally hurt me I do shout. A big booming one. The shock of that normally snaps him out of it."

Supernanny timeout might work for bad behaviour. Meltdowns are like panic attacks, they are not in control and it's scary for them. They need help to calm themselves down, not to treated like they're being bad.


I agree. I tried this ages ago with my son before I realised he had ADHD and before I knew how damaging this was. I saw it on supernanny. It was awful for all of us.

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Worriedmotheroftwo · 13/02/2024 18:55

emmaempenadas · 13/02/2024 07:43

@Dara99

I heard the same stuff you heard from the GP. It's a phase, he will settle, he's emotionally immature. This shit went on for years and I couldn't get anyone to listen to me. He was diagnosed with both adhd and autism when he was 8.

Medication changed everything for him. He's 13 this year and doing brilliant, has a lovely big group of friends, his self esteem has sky rocketed because he can pay attention in class, with his friends, he doesn't get upset about breaking his pencil or losing an item or any of what we would perceive as small stuff. He went on medication when he was 8 and if I could have gotten him on it sooner I would have. His wee brain was going 100mph as was his body he was berated at school because he couldn't focus or concentrate, we couldn't have a back and forth conversation, he couldn't sleep, kids treated him differently from age 5, his self esteem took a massive hit.

@emmaempenadas sounds like things worked out really well for your son. Would you mind telling me your 'route'? Ie how you got him assessed, how you managed to get medication for him, etc?
Many thanks!

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emmaempenadas · 13/02/2024 20:53

@Worriedmotheroftwo we went private then went onto the camhs medication waitlist. The nhs prescribed all his medication while private but the medication reviews stayed with the private company. A year ago Camhs gave us an appointment with a questionnaire and when we met they spoke to ds, read all the stuff I had brought with me and fully agreed with the diagnosis. We do not have any more private med reviews and they're all via camhs now.

I read a lot that going private means the nhs won't cover prescriptions or camhs will refuse and reassess but that has not been my experience with ds.

I'm so happy for ds, he had a really hard time at school with teachers and his peer group but it's not been that way for him for years now. He occasionally has bad days but he's human, we all have them. I'm glad to say that they're very rare nowadays. The transition to secondary school was enhanced but easy for him and he loves school. His friendship group has grown even bigger since starting secondary school.

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Kpo58 · 13/02/2024 20:59

Have you ever videoed him having a meltdown? It's evidence like this which you can use to show the Sen coordinator at his school or the doctor that his behaviour isn't the norm.

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