Really looking for some perspective and shared experiences. Am I being too sensitive here?
A couple of times a year my family (Nan, Dad, Uncle and both mine and my sister’s families) get together for a meal, and I come out feeling deflated and picked on.
Yesterday was my Nan’s surprise 80th birthday meal. For months I’ve been planning and looking forward to it. I noticed she wears pendant necklaces, so I bought her a gold pendant necklace with dried flowers inside(which I know she likes) including her favourite, daisies. I ordered it online, and the first design they sent I didn’t like (the pendant was smaller than expected and I know she liked big ones), so I sent it back for a bigger one. It wasn’t about getting a showy expensive gift, I wanted a gift that looked really special and thoughtful, to show Nan how much I thought of her, and because 80 is a big deal.
My sister bought a beautiful big, bouquet of flowers. When Nan arrived, I handed her my gift and said it was from me. I think this annoyed her, as through the meal she was quite snappy with me in general, and mentioned several times that the necklace wasn’t from me, it was from everyone (by which she meant me and my sister). My sister and I get on very well - she knew I was getting the necklace, and there is no competition between us, but I think Nan saw it as me trying to ‘out-do’ her. My sister and I are not the same person….I have my own relationship with Nan. My Mom bought a thoughtful lovely gift for her too, but Nan did not try to claim that that was a joint gift.
To keep the peace, I just agreed and said it was joint.
Nan told me that my boobs were big, and when I said they had actually shrunk over the past two years, she said ‘we don’t like show offs’ (not said nicely).
I also said I’d noticed she likes pendants, and I thought it might remind her of the grandchildren when she wears it. She replied that she didn’t need reminding of the grandchildren, because she remembers them.
The family see my sister as the poor relation as she was a single Mum for a while, and me as having done relatively well. We are not really well off though, just average. For the past two years my sister has been with a very wealthy boyfriend, but I think she will always be viewed as the underdog to me, no matter what happens. This is not my fault. I’m always kind, caring and lovely to family members. But every meal, there seems to be some kind of irritation towards me. At the last family meal they went berserk that my husband took the children off to the field to play with them, because they think he does too much of the childcare (they think he shouldn’t do any basically).
After all the planning and looking forward to this meal with Nan, I came away feeling quite upset and mad about why this always happens…..?