Friends hen do this weekend... so anxious

[winterbabyrose]

I am currently 25 weeks pregnant with #2 and due to quite a traumatic birth with my first, my anxiety has been super high this pregnancy. It's one of my best friends hen do this weekend, in a uk city 2 hours from home that I've never been to before and the closer it's getting the more anxious I'm feeling. Like it's all I'm thinking about at the minute.

Since having my first and working from home most of the week, I've become a little agrophobic about busy areas or cities, just generally being around a lot of people.

AIBU if I was honest with her about how I was feeling and just not go? I'm terrified she'll be annoyed/upset. It's a full day thing and night out / hotel stay too. Other pregnant people are going too but I'm the furthest along, and I think it's more my anxiety about being in those places more than anything.

If you don't want to go then don't! Tell her how you feel and maybe suggest doing something seperate with her like a nice meal out just the two of you to celebrate her getting married xxx

What is it you’re anxious about, are you worried about being tired / doing too much / the baby coming early etc etc?

personally I think you should try and push on but with some amendments in place, so not go to the nightclub / have a snooze during the day / whatever it is that would make you feel better

But I generally think that dropping out last min without any real excuse is poor form so whatever you can do to make yourself feel comfortable enough to go would be better

YANBU
Don’t go babe. Stay home. Not worth putting yourself and your unborn baby through that stress. Maybe suggest going out for food just the 2 of you when she’s back. I stay in a lot too so this would make me super anxious (and im not pregnant)
Rest up ❤️

Be honest about how you're feeling but try not to cancel if you can. Avoiding events and human contact can cause your comfort zone to shrink to just your home and that's the start of debilitating agoraphobia.

With other pregnant women there it's unlikely to be a wild weekend so let her know you're probably going to be resting rather than partying and make sure you have a quiet space to go if you do feel a bit overwhelmed.

Not going to the Hen Do won’t stop your anxiety or make it better .. all that will do that is addressing what it is that is making you anxious.

Try to make plans about those triggers, and work out what can you do to bring your anxiety levels down

Avoidance doesn't help with anxiety it makes it worse. If there's other pregnant women then they are likely to be feeling as tired as you, some may still be suffering morning sickness etc. If you don't want to stay out late then that's fine, just say you feel tired and go back to your hotel room.

I think it will be a more relaxed hen do as a few of you are pregnant. Do you know what is planned?

I think you should try and go to at least part of it. I assume there is a lunch, maybe just go to that. You can start travelling at around ten, have a couple of hours for lunch and be home before 5. That’s less than a working day away from the house. If you feel this is beyond you I strongly suggest you seek help from your GP. Best of luck with your pregnancy OP x

Just be honest with your friend, now is the best time to do it rather than the night before or on the morning of the hen do! I personally wouldn't be offended if a friend told me they felt too anxious about coming to my hen do.

Does anyone in RL realize how bad you're anxiety is?

I don’t think trying to work through your anxiety problems whilst you’re pregnant is such a good idea. Do what’s best for you ❤️

I think be totally open & honest with your friend, but don’t cancel. I had my hen do last year and one of my bridesmaids was in a similar situation, really quite severe anxiety, agoraphobia which meant she was really struggling with even things like going to the shops, getting on a train etc. She confided in me beforehand and adapted the plans to make sure she was comfortable, she stayed in the hotel rather than attend one of the activities that she was particularly worried about and we all supported her & each other. She is thankfully now doing much better and she always says she is so glad she pushed on and came because they are special memories. If you are invited to the hen do then I assume you are all pretty close friends, you can all support each other x

Avoidance makes anxiety so much worse. It doesn't seem like a pregnancy thing, rather an anxiety thing. Can you go for part of it?

I think YABU to cancel this close to the hen. I’d really try and go, avoidance won’t help you. Can you just take it easy, not stay out late, etc? Talk to your friend, I’m sure she’d love you to come but also be comfortable, and you can make a plan for how you can still participate.

Could you break down for yourself precisely what it is that you feel anxious about? Fear of the unknown? A city? Can you get to the bottom of your fear?

I agree with the be honest but still go PPs. Anxiety just gets worse if you don't challenge it. What could you manage? The travel and one activity? Do you know anyone else who is going?

Definitely tell the bride to be how you are feeling but still go. You can take part in the daytime activities and the dinner and then go back to your hotel when it starts to feel like it's too much. Most people would understand why a pregnant woman needs a rest.

You have become agoraphobic and anxious because you don't challenge yourself but hide away instead, you need to change that and the only way to do it is to act the opposite way. Push yourself to get out there.

I would cancel and say I was sick and express being gutted.

take care of yourself in this situation.

Cancelling would be a shit thing to do. Foreseeable you’d think and feel like this when it came to it, yet you accepted the invitation.

Avoidance is unlikely to help the anxiety.

Can you go to part of it? Are you sharing a hotel room? If so, would it be possible to re-arrange and get one on your own so you can come and go? I'd suggest just going for the meal.