Alcohol...AIBU to feel shame and guilt

[nearbyderbh]

I don't understand myself and wonder 💭 f I'm being very hard on myself here . I used to drink up to 6 bottles of wine per week. A comfort perhaps but it became a habit.
I'm a single parent with teens who have complex needs not to mention trauma after Dad left abruptly. I guess I was sad and lonely and needed an escape.
I dropped this intake to two bottles per week, at weekends. Sometimes one. Maybe Friday and again on Sunday evening with dinner.
I feel such guilt and shame whereas I didn't when I was drinking more heavily .
I
In a happier place all round and kids are definitely doing so much better. We are at peace in our home now with no anger, aggression . It's calm and perfect. I really enjoy wine and enjoy the relaxing angle to it . It's my treat to myself after a hard week.
Am I being unnecessarily hard on myself... I know I have a habit of that .

My personal thoughts on it is that if you are feeling shame and guilt, the drinking is not helping you.

I would look to reduce intake to one bottle a week and see how you feel then.

I feel that 2 bottles a week is too much over a sustained period. While I wouldn't say it should be guilt or shame inducing to drink this much, if its causing shame and guilt it's not doing you any favours.

I love alcohol but if it made me feel shame and guilt, I'd stop drinking it completely.

The idea of it is to enjoy it and if that's not happening due to shame/guilt, I'd knock it on the head.

Yes I think you're being too hard on yourself. A bottle of wine a day isn't all the much if that's all you were drinking (no spirits etc along with it). Certainly a couple of bottles at the weekend isn't anything particularly excessive. It's above the UK guidlines but many people drink a lot more than that.

The important thing is to try to avoid increasing the amount. Say you're on a bottle of wine a day, it's important that it doesn't become a bottle and a half, or a bottle and some shorts. It's too easy to gradually increase consumption without really realising it.

I find it best to buy a set amount of alcohol to get through the week, and when it's gone, it's gone, I try to avoid buying any more.

Whenever I feel shame and guilt over alcohol I know I've had too much and need to stop. So I would suggest you're having too much if you feel that way. I wouldn't like to be in a position where I'm having 2 bottles of wine every weekend tbh, I think you'd feel a lot better about it if there were plenty of weekends without it.

A bottle a wine a day is huge amounts! Blimey!

You've done so so well OP, really you have and you should be proud of yourself. However if you are feeling shame then it does indicate you aren't actually happy with your drinking - maybe examine that? You could try dropping it to a single bottle you spilt between two nights?

I think you've done a fantastic job cutting down from six bottles to two, and also limiting it to the weekend so that you've got a good stretch of drink-free days.

Why do you feel guilty about the two bottles now? Is it that you noticed the benefits of cutting down and now you can imagine how you'd feel without any at all?

I don't think two bottles a week is a problem, personally. But I agree with PPs that if it's making you feel bad then it becomes one.

Why not try cutting down even more - so e.g. still have a drink on a Friday and Sunday but just have one glass instead of a bottle? You could even buy the miniature bottles so it's pre-measured and there's less temptation to just pour a bit more.

Well done on reducing your wine intake so much - that is really impressive.

Could you try not drinking at all? If you're feeling shame and guilt where is that coming from- is it the fact that don't feel you could go without those two bottles of wine a week?

I had some problems with alcohol - not so anyone would notice, but I didn't like why I was drinking (dealing with anxiety and stress). I gave up for a year and it was really helpful. I'll drink again (currently pregnant) but certainly won't have any habitual drinking again.

This charity offers support and advisors you can chat to.

I'd recommend therapy as well- it's expensive but you've got a lot on your plate.

https://www.drinkaware.co.uk/advice-and-support/alcohol-support-services

I'd suggest no alcohol for 3 months and in that time really notice your patterns on the times when you would typically drink. Do you have triggers stress boredom loneliness? Do you feel in control? What is it about alcohol you enjoy? Can you find that in other ways? If it's for stress relief maybe yoga or meditation. If it's the taste non alcoholic drinks etc

Typical we see the feelings of shame and guilt within the addiction cycle. This would heavily suggest this isn't something you want to be doing but perhaps something you need support to stop completely. You might want to investigate further. Addiction isn't about how much alcohol or frequency. It's about why you are drinking. it is about the reason why you are drinking If you're drinking instead of coping with life/feelings in healthy ways alcohol has become your coping mechanism.

Well done for cutting down so far that's great.

You've done great to cut down. Can you say more on why you feel shame and guilt, is it about the past, or do you think you shouldn't be drinking at all? Have a think about what a drink symbolises to you on a Friday night, relaxation, letting go, winding down, etc. I've replaced an alcoholic drink with a posh herbal tea which now symbolises to me what a g+t or a glass of wine used to. I'd also advise really savouring the wine when you drink it and using a smaller glass. This has also helped me to cut down so if I have a glass now it's usually enough and I struggle to finish a bottle over a week

60 units a week is pretty serious and very hardcore on your liver. It's also 3,600 calories of sugar and zero nutrition so not very good for your blood sugar and insulin regulation. You would have seen the effects of these issues in gradually worsening health.

So you should not feel shame - rather, you should feel justifiable pride and happiness that you are now caring for your body and mind so much more effectively.

Huge congratulations to you, from a recovered alcoholic x

You've done a great job reducing your intake and should be proud.
If you drink white wine could you try adding sparkling water and reducing to half a bottle on Friday the other half on Sunday?
I dint think 2 bottles over the weekend is excessive btw.

I have 2 neurodivergent kids and both suffered trauma from their dad. I drank as a single mum but it really didn't help. I found it easier to just stop, takes away all the worries about how much i was drinking and if it was too much. way less anxious and calmer.

Someone who drinks two bottles of wine a week is not even approaching being a problem drinker, so the quantity you're drinking is not something you need to worry about.

You definitely don't sound like someone with a drink problem, and successfully cutting down from six bottles to two was a healthy step to take and one that you've clearly managed very well.

When you say you're feeling shame and guilt, I think what you're really feeling shame and guilt for isn't the two bottles of wine you drink now, but the six bottles you used to drink. You are definitely being hard on yourself, I think. If were you, I'd be really proud of myself for cutting down and for being able to enjoy a couple of glasses of wine as a weekly treat, rather than a thing you can't live without.

I think I feel a little pathetic that I'm drinking on my own, that my kids while are in never any danger, see me do this . That it may become their idea of what's normal. I am horrified that I drank so
Much. One of my kids told me last week that he doesn't like when I drink as I speak differently . Shame and guilt but he is correct, I do speak differently as the effects of wine do this to me.
I enjoy it and have it as my treat so maybe I'm thinking ...' is this another thing that I have to sacrifice ?' Another joy taken away ?

I don't mean to sound harsh OP, but if you're kids are telling you they don't like what it does to you, you need to stop or you risk traumatising them further. You've done so well to cut down as much as you have, but I think you still drink too much (from a former bordering on problem drinker myself). At my worst, I'd drink a bottle a night plus a couple of shorts. Now I drink half - one bottle a week. I can't tell you how much better I feel.

You have to listen to your kids

At the point your kids are noticing and telling you they don’t like the effect it has, it’s time to stop OP.

Having 1 glass of wine will still provide that relaxed feeling, while not making you visibly under the influence for your kids.

Or you could try even non alcoholic wine/prosecco, as maybe it’s more the act itself rather than the alcohol that makes you feel relaxed? I’m currently pregnant so obviously not drinking and I’ve been surprised to find that actually a non alcoholic prosecco still makes me feel relaxed/like I’m having a treat, so it shows for me it was more the routine of it than the actual alcohol, may be the same for you? X