That's it really... I literally cannot stand mess. You would not think it to look at my flat, which is just 'normal-level' clean. But mess literally makes me frenetic and like I want to hit something! If I am in someone's house and it's messy I will start tidying up, even though I know it is rude. This morning I cut my thumb and so couldn't wash up because I put a plaster on it, and the sight of everything piled by the sink made me feel absolutely mad. DP out this evening and just thinking about coming up and there being a huge pile of washing up and crumbs etc on the floor makes me feel like I can't focus on anything else. DP wonderful but doesn't seem to 'see' clutter in the same way I do - can leave the cardboard inside of a loo roll on the floor and not think anything of it.
It literally puts me off having children because the idea of being surrounded by clutter and mess makes me feel so upset. When there is mess in the flat I fantasise about living alone in an immaculate white cube, which is mad as I love DP so much. I don't know how to describe it, but when there is mess around - or I know there is mess in the flat - it's like there is white noise or static playing in my head and I can't tune it out or look past it. It makes me really annoying and unreasonable - like weepy and angry. It then means I spend more time cleaning, which makes me martyly, which I also hate.
It's funny as I'm not at all fussy about germs or anything like that - I will happily eat when I've just got off the tube or bus etc. It's just clutter and mess, it makes me feel really stressed, angry, and upset really fast. I know some people say that this is a sign of ADHD, but I'm really reluctant to pathologise things. Is anyone else like this or AIBU?