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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to be so finicky about mess

6 replies

stressedout1994 · 12/02/2024 10:06

That's it really... I literally cannot stand mess. You would not think it to look at my flat, which is just 'normal-level' clean. But mess literally makes me frenetic and like I want to hit something! If I am in someone's house and it's messy I will start tidying up, even though I know it is rude. This morning I cut my thumb and so couldn't wash up because I put a plaster on it, and the sight of everything piled by the sink made me feel absolutely mad. DP out this evening and just thinking about coming up and there being a huge pile of washing up and crumbs etc on the floor makes me feel like I can't focus on anything else. DP wonderful but doesn't seem to 'see' clutter in the same way I do - can leave the cardboard inside of a loo roll on the floor and not think anything of it.

It literally puts me off having children because the idea of being surrounded by clutter and mess makes me feel so upset. When there is mess in the flat I fantasise about living alone in an immaculate white cube, which is mad as I love DP so much. I don't know how to describe it, but when there is mess around - or I know there is mess in the flat - it's like there is white noise or static playing in my head and I can't tune it out or look past it. It makes me really annoying and unreasonable - like weepy and angry. It then means I spend more time cleaning, which makes me martyly, which I also hate.

It's funny as I'm not at all fussy about germs or anything like that - I will happily eat when I've just got off the tube or bus etc. It's just clutter and mess, it makes me feel really stressed, angry, and upset really fast. I know some people say that this is a sign of ADHD, but I'm really reluctant to pathologise things. Is anyone else like this or AIBU?

OP posts:
MatildaTheCat · 12/02/2024 10:12

I’m a bit like this and it’s noticeably worse when I’m a bit stressed. I see it as a way of controlling my environment. At Christmas I feel stressed by the wrapping paper thrown on the floor rather than enjoying the moment of people opening their presents. I do try to suppress it though.

In terms of situations like your washing up this morning I would try to recognise that stressed feeling and consciously let go of it. It’s one you can’t control temporarily.

We had children without it being an issue. I just didn’t allow chaos and we had tidy up time every evening before bath time.

stressedout1994 · 12/02/2024 10:20

@MatildaTheCat thank you that is useful to hear ! I'm definitely much worse when stressed...

OP posts:
HumphreyCobblers · 12/02/2024 11:12

I get like this when I am premenstrual.

stressedout1994 · 12/02/2024 11:29

@HumphreyCobblers I have just come on my period today and do feel completely insane...

OP posts:
Foxyaus · 12/02/2024 11:38

YANBU, stress and hormones can definitely amplify these feelings, as can trauma.

positivesliceofpie · 12/02/2024 12:13

Im a minimalist i cant stand clutter or mess my home is spotless.
Even raising my son i always had a spotless home i dont get how some people cant clean up just because they have a child or a baby.
Or them that dont open a window.
I dont have ocd i just like a clean space.
And seeing someones kitchen with piles of crap on the table tops i grit my teeth.
My kitchen is clear only a kettle on show.
Im brutal.

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