To think I’m past the point of being able to get pg?

[AncientOvaries]

I’m 43. Two DC conceived in my twenties. Termination at 34, MC at 37, MC at 41. So it’s been nearly 10 years since I conceived a viable pregnancy (at least it was viable up until the point of termination). MCs were very early, around the 6 week mark.

After my last MC I had a copper coil fitted, which was a nightmare - agonising periods, which went on for ages. And terrible problems with BV. I had it for about 8 months and couldn’t take it any longer. Since then, so the last 16 months or so, I started just avoiding my most fertile times as a way of avoiding pregnancy. But over that time I’ve definitely entered peri and my periods are all over the shop now, I don’t know if my cycle will be 2 weeks or 5 months! So it’s kind of impossible to know when I’m going to ovulate. To begin with, when they first started becoming irregular, it transpired that my ovulation time was right around when I’d been having a lot of sex, but hadn’t got pregnant. So I’d tried to avoid fertile times but accidentally did the opposite, but only realised when my period arrived. And I admit that, once this had happened a fair few times I became a bit complacent about the fact that I just won’t get pregnant.

Trust me, I have exhausted all types of contraception and none of them work for me, the only one I could use is condoms. But if I’ve been having regular (like a lot of times a week) unprotected sex for 16 months, at my age, and no sign of pregnancy at all, it’s pretty unlikely to happen, isn’t it? I feel like if I was WANTING to conceive, that’s what I’d be told!

I am in a LTR and whilst a pregnancy wouldn’t be the end of the world, I’d rather it didn’t happen.

You're meant to use contraception for at least a year past last period if over 50 and 2 years if under 50, I think.

It's up to you if you want to take the risk, but it is a risk. Ovulation becomes more erratic towards menopause, but what if you're having sex that time it does happen? All the times you had sex and didn't conceive won't matter for the one time you do.

I wouldn't risk it while it is still possible, however unlikely, to me condoms are preferrable to having to potentially have to go through a termination.

A relative was told, at age 45, that with her PCOS and age, extremely unlikely to get pregnant. And then she did. So don't stop the protection.

My MIL had her third child when she became pregnant unexpectedly at 43. A lovely surprise, but it turned her life upside down.

As we age we’re less likely to be able to carry a pregnancy to term. And if we do, the chances of having a baby with a disability increase - and parenting a disabled child isn’t for everyone. It can be really fucking hard work.

So it’s probably a good idea to keep using contraption for a few more years. It gives you some control. Unless you’re planning to have another child, you should plan to prevent pregnancy.

It's definitely a risk, it could happen. Better to protect yourself if you don't want a baby.

It's unlikely for you to get pregnant, but it does happen sometimes. You really aren't that old. Also, your last pregnancy was pretty recent. Just because that one ended in miscarriage, doesn't mean the next one will.

I got pregnant at 44, hadn't used contraception for years while married, nothing, split with husband, with new partner 3 months & got pregnant. Sadly I lost her at 16 weeks.

You're meant to use contraception for at least a year past last period if over 50 and 2 years if under 50, I think.

Yes, this ^^

There's always a chance. I don't think I could've got pregnant past about 43 myself, but I have several friends who did.

If you don't want to get pregnant, don't take the risk. You're definitely in peri from what you say, but honestly - keep with the condoms.

Alternatively, you could try the Mirena. I know you didn't like the copper coil, but the Mirena is different. I got one at 46, it stopped my periods completely and I had no risk of pregnancy or any side effects whatsoever. I loved it.

You got pregnant only 2 years ago and haven’t gone through menopause so if you’d rather not get pregnant, you need to use contraception. A pregnancy not being ‘the end of the world’ is hardly ideal and being older you’re still a higher chance of miscarriage, I wouldn’t want to have to go through one when your partner could just use condoms.

Can your other half not just get the snip?

If you dont want a pregnancy or a child use condoms.

Personally i dont understand why you'd have something as invasive as the coil fitted or risk pregnancy / miscarriage/ abortion when you can simply use condoms. Its a simple easy noninvasive and effective method of preventing pregnancy.

As pp said you're meant to use contraception for at least a year past last period if over 50 and 2 years if under 50.

Why is it so difficult for your partner to use a condom?

It’s called Sod’s Law, OP. Don’t take an umbrella = rain, even when the sun is out.

If a pregnancy wouldn’t be a disaster (not sure that’s the best start to a life, but I get what you mean) then sure, don’t use anything. But at 43 about 5% of fertile shags will result in pregnancy. Whether it’s viable or not is another story, and “viable” will still include an increased risk of other birth issues. So, for us, DH has the snip. Ten minute op, no stress.

You are still fertile, so yes, you could get pregnant.

Why don't you seek proper medical advice?

I'm 49 and also tempted to give up contraception. I tried for years to get pregnant aged 35 onwards, m/c at 38, nothing else. 9 years ago I adopted and would hate to become pregnant now. I hate condoms, the mini pill gives me a lot of side effects, I've heard too many painful stories about the coil to try that at this age.

My partner would get the snip. But if that doesn't happen my plan is to consider stopping contraception when I'm 50. I cannot IMAGINE that I would become pregnant at that age, I've never at heard of it in my personal life and I've never been particularly fertile. I know the advice is stop at 55 but that seems ridiculous.

the problem is when you are on the pill it's much harder to tell when you've had the menopause - I don't really have any peri symptoms except thinner hair.

if that doesn't happen my plan is to consider stopping contraception when I'm 50. I cannot IMAGINE that I would become pregnant at that age

Victoria Coren-Mitchell recently had a baby. It can happen.

I'd be amazed if she became pregnant without IVF and donor egg - but who can know for sure

But if you're not actually through menopause, there is still a risk, however small it might actually be. It's fine for individual women to take that risk - if it's an informed choice where they have thought about what they would do if they became pregnant, how they'd handle a difficult pregnancy, disability etc. And those answers will he different for each one of us.

I think your perspective is quite common and i also think its why both my parents had surprise third siblings who arrived 10 years after them

What would really put me off is the very high chance of a horrendously complicated pregnancy or a very disabled child. Either could be a huge strain on your body, your family, your emotions.

I'd only risk it if i was very very comfortable having a termination, and I'd do a preg test monthly.

Only thing i would say is, if you've not been on hormonal contraception, can you tell when you're ovulating? I can quite easily.

I would be amazed if she used either, tbh. But as you say, we can’t know for sure.