To think it’s a bit odd to ask a pregnant woman if she’s worried about empty nest syndrome?

[WestLondonMummyToBe]

My therapist asked me this. She thinks I don’t have enough going on in my life besides family commitments, that it’s important to have an identity beyond just being a mother, yadda, yadda.

I get that and she maybe has a point. But really, to ask a pregnant woman about empty nest syndrome FFS? Surely that’s AT LEAST 19 years away?! Let’s not get carried away here.

Sounds like she's just warning you what might happen if you don't expand your life a bit.

A bit premature to ask someone that when they are pregnant.

Is it your first child? Or is it a subsequent child after having a big gap, and therefore maybe she's wondering if you're trying to stave off having an empty nest?

Does she have kids? It is absolutely important to have an identify beyond being a mother, but it’s bloody hard to do that in the first year or so!

Yes, sounds like she put this in a very odd way.

She sounds a bit bonkers to be honest. Yes it's important to have an identity that's not just tied to being mum but that's practically impossible for the first few months-year and certainly not something a pregnant women should be worrying.

Sounds like she trotted out something that she thinks is wise, it sort of sounds like a thing. 🙄

It's incredibly shallow to state this and demotes Motherhood to an inconvenience. I would seriously consider if she is someone who should be giving me any kind of guidance actually.

Of course it’s important to have an identity beyond motherhood, but every mother is also many other things. Honestly, I feel like statements about having a life apart from being a mother come from a place of luxury and just put extra pressure on women to “bounce back” in some way. No, motherhood changes a woman forever, even if for some people those changes seem imperceptible to others. Motherhood is all consuming, British society isn’t exactly supportive of bringing up young families, and the threads on here make me think that there are a lot of useless partners. Motherhood is bloody important, it changes a woman’s life forever, and you just have to roll with it. Who the hell knows what’s going to happen in 5 years time, nevermind 20 years when your child leaves home?

Where did you find this therapist and what are his/her qualifications? Such an odd, diminishing and patronising statement to make to you.

Depends why you need therapy, could just be a 'tipper' question to get you exploring other areas of your 'mind'.

The 'tipper' question did it's job in getting you thinking - you've posted asking on MN; don't get swayed by any reponses here or elsewhere; the answers are in your own mind, not anywhere else, including me.

Tell her not to worry about it because nobody's children can afford to move out any more.

I think she’s asking you if you are worried that you are going to lose your personal identity when you’re a parent. It’s very easy for us to do that.

This, but it also might be a short cut way of saying when first going to school

I think it depends on what you’re in therapy for.

Depends. Was she hinting at your life before being pregnant too and maybe seeing how it might have an affect on your life post pregnancy?

I sat this because I’m currently speaking to a therapist during pregnancy. Before I was pregnant I had a very active life, I have a teen daughter but have managed to be fulfilled with hobbies and stuff etc. However I’ve not been so social or active during pregnancy and therapist is seeing it as something that could affect post pregnancy.

I doubt it’s about empty nest but it’s probably more to do with having a sense of identity outside motherhood - no matter how small. Although most of us will spend the early years being mum full time. And will have more time to ourselves later on.

Yes she has two kids in their 20s. Makes me wonder whether she has this issue herself and is projecting. Not very professional.

She actually mentioned that her eldest recently bought her first flat and that she (the therapist) cried over this. She also cried on the daughter’s first day of university and nursery school.

Your therapist is massively oversharing! You shouldn’t know any of this stuff about her 😳

The eldest has also got engaged and promoted within the last year. This woman really does over share quite a bit, doesn’t it? She’s also always on about teenagers smoking dope so I guess she had this issue too.

Knowing she has adult children is one thing, but you shouldn’t know the rest. Honestly I’d be thinking twice about using this therapist.

Good lord, it sounds as if the therapist is using you as a backdrop to HER therapy