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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Introducing new partners

3 replies

coparentingissue · 11/02/2024 20:46

My husband left me for someone else when I was 7 months pregnant with our second child. He rented a house for 3 months and then moved in with his girlfriend. At first I said that if he wanted to see the children he would have to come to them or take them out and his girlfriend would not feature in these plans. Our daughter was only 4 at the time and in the space of a few months had so much change with dad leaving, a new baby brother, dad having a different house, new school then not being able to go to dads. We are now 9 months on so I am starting to think about integrating the children into his life and introducing his girlfriend. When we discussed it I asked that it be done slowly on my terms, I have really struggled emotionally with all of it so am trying to do what is best for me and the children he agreed but then today I feel like he has completely disregarded this. He took the children out but drove them back to his house and parked the car outside it (him and his girlfriend only live around the corner from our marital home) then proceeded to tell our 5 year old daughter this is where daddy lives with his girlfriend and in the next couple of months she we will able to come for a sleep over. I am beyond mad. I challenged him on it and was met with “our daughter has a right to know where her father lives” am I being unreasonable here? I don’t feel like I am. I am just trying to navigate through it without causing her anymore upset and I feel like he is only thinking about himself and what he wants and not what is best for the children. Also he hasn’t considered how hard any of this has been for me, not at any point. he has just expected me to get on with it all.

OP posts:
10ThousandSpoons · 12/02/2024 05:53

Also he hasn’t considered how hard any of this has been for me, not at any point. he has just expected me to get on with it all. this is fair enough. You are seperated.

I think its a bit odd to do a drive by a house but maybe he's trying to introduce the idea slowly. I don't see why she can't know where her dad lives, perhaps she was asking about it?

Marblessolveeverything · 12/02/2024 06:01

Gently, YABU. Your child has a right to her father. He gets to say who and when they meet his girlfriend.

I appreciate he had treated you horribly. But he left you not your children. You need to work together as much as you can. Realistically he could look for 50/50 given the proximity it would likely be agreed.

Your feelings are not his concern. Your mindset needs to move to facilitating dd and baby relationship with their dad. It's not fair but it's the priority. Sorry you are going through this

Shiningout · 12/02/2024 06:02

Honestly op, you have to learn to let go of some control when you split up. You don't actually get a say in things like when your ex introduces new partners, I know how it feels to be worried for your child and angry but if your ex decides to be an arse and rush into this moving in with another woman etc then you can't do anything about it. It depends what your ex is like as a person, I'm just speaking from experience of my situation.

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