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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

sister and my pregnancy

21 replies

Quackidy · 11/02/2024 20:09

has anyone ever dealt with a self centred, attention seeking sister? i am due next month with my second LO (first is 2), she is 6 weeks pregnant and has never had an interested in my pregnancies at all.

i suffered with HG for 7 months and she was no where to be seen for support or comfort, but now she is pregnant she expects the world to be given to her & acts like i don’t understand pregnancy/child birth/babies.

she has always been the same, very jealous and envious of everything i have done in my life and judged every single thing i have done especially during my pregnancies. hated how i did everything even during horrible circumstances when i have tried my best (my gender reveal was so basic due to me literally being bed bound during my hg days, all she could say is how she would do everything differently and have a cake reveal, more people and she was disappointed it was another baby boy?!) things like that, no congratulations or support at all.

but now she is pregnant, when we speak or see each other she makes every single thing about her. it’s like she forgets i am having another baby next month and i can’t be excited about it, even if im not talking to her about it directly, she will butt into the conversation and change it about her pregnancy? which i have no idea how she can even do since she is only 5/6 weeks along and i am 34 weeks, but she finds a way.

she came around a few days ago and i couldn’t talk to her one single bit since she would either ignore me or completely change the conversation, i had to leave to go into the bathroom to cry because i was getting genuinely frustrated. she never has asked about my experiences with certain things, for advice or for ANYTHING.

which is ok for some people but it is draining for me, i dread every time she messages me or talks to me because i feel like a brick wall.

not to mention how she has no idea about pregnancy and thinks she is peeing so much because of how big the baby is (an apple seed) and how she is struggling to get up/out of bed due to her abs separating (at 5/6 weeks pregnant, no idea how this is possible… LOL)

and yes i do try to correct her, but when i do she makes it out like i am making everything about me and how everyone deals with pregnancy different. if i mention my baby boy, she then again makes it out like i am making her pregnancy about her.

i was telling her about me ordering some clothes since none of mine fit me anymore, she didn’t even let me finish before she mentioned what she had bought for herself… maternity underwear that were hanging off her since they were for women with bumps further along pregnancy.

for context, she is the oldest sibling and i am the youngest. just wondering is anyone else has experienced anything similar and what should i do?! mention it and her cause an argument or ignore it and let it annoy me for hours.

sorry for the long post! she has done a lot more aswell.. god.

OP posts:
shakeyourtichel · 11/02/2024 20:11

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

10ThousandSpoons · 11/02/2024 20:12

In a couple of weeks you won't care I promise

shakeyourtichel · 11/02/2024 20:13

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Lammveg · 11/02/2024 20:15

I feel like this is how she is going to be regardless of if you say anything. It may even fuel her to be more focused on herself. Its annoying but I'd look for support elsewhere and try to shrug off her comments. She may end up coming to you for advice later on in the pregnancy.

Ktime · 11/02/2024 20:16

She sounds like a twat, OP, sympathies.

I think you need to minimise contact with her, you shouldn’t let her upset you at 8 months pregnant.

If she asks to come over just say you have plans. She doesn’t need to know your plans are to put your feet up and watch telly!

Don’t offer her any of your baby stuff.

Marlena1 · 11/02/2024 20:18

That does sound v annoying BUT if she is the oldest and you're the youngest maybe she did have to endure listening about pregnancy when it wasn't on the cards for her. The fact that you pointed it out is making me wonder if she was made to feel a little behind.

Lizzieregina · 11/02/2024 20:19

I’d be avoiding her like the plague!

kintra · 11/02/2024 20:20

Meh, it just sounds like don't really get on/like each other, and that's okay. Obviously hard to tell from your post but there's a chance she's felt the same about you over the years (a gender reveal? No need), and you say she's envious. Maybe she picks up on the fact you think she's jealous of you. Your sneery comments about her buying maternity wear too early aren't very nice. Is there a chance she's been desperate for children for a few years and has had to watch her younger sister get what she wanted? I'm not defending it or saying it's right, but if so you could have some compassion for why she might have acted that way.

Globetrote · 11/02/2024 20:24

She sounds insufferable. Is she like this with her friends? I’d put her on an information diet, be busy and unavailable and see her only as much as you want to as it sounds like this is just the way she is. Soon you will have your new addition to your family to focus on.

Quackidy · 11/02/2024 20:24

@Ktime thank you. i have tried to stay away as much as i can, but i don't want her to hold it against me in the future though

i'm unfortunately a very caring person which is what makes it worse for me!

she has already asked me if i'll be using my tommee tippee prep machine and if she can have it and my babies next to me crib... he isn't even here yet ffs.

OP posts:
Ktime · 11/02/2024 20:27

Quackidy · 11/02/2024 20:24

@Ktime thank you. i have tried to stay away as much as i can, but i don't want her to hold it against me in the future though

i'm unfortunately a very caring person which is what makes it worse for me!

she has already asked me if i'll be using my tommee tippee prep machine and if she can have it and my babies next to me crib... he isn't even here yet ffs.

You have very good excuses for keeping your distance, a 2yo and a soon to be newborn! She can’t hold anything against you, don’t give her the power.

And tell her you’re using EVERYTHING for the new baby, don’t even give her so much as a babygro.

Did she get you gifts for your first baby?

Quackidy · 11/02/2024 20:31

@kintra i have never had a problem with her. she has always talked rubbish about me even from when i was 11 years old.. held things against me from my youngest days (i suffered quite badly from anxiety and an eating disorder, she liked to fuel it and comment on my body)

yes i am going to comment on her maternity underwear, since it was adding to the point that she has the tendency to make everything about her, which is the point of my post.

i have done nothing but forgive her and try my best to understand her, while going through a shit time myself. it is difficult to be the good person all the time!

OP posts:
Quackidy · 11/02/2024 20:37

@Ktime you're absolutely right.

and nope, not got my son or unborn son one singular thing. just a birthday card for his first birthday.

she offered to give him a bath the other night while i did the dishes and i go into the bathroom after and she is sat on her phone while he is waiting to be put into the bath.

one time she had baby sat him while i went to the shop, literally took 15 minutes, my mother found him in his crib crying while she was in the shower.

OP posts:
Quackidy · 11/02/2024 20:41

@Marlena1 she never had to sit and listen to me talk about my pregnancies as she was not here enough to know. i wouldn't talk about my pregnancies/kids to someone who i know don't have any kind of interest in.

i thought now she is pregnant, it could be ok to try and relate to some of her stuff but no.

i'm not going to mention anything, just worried she is going to hold stuff against me. i am not the only person in the family she annoys thankfully.

OP posts:
Spirallingdownwards · 11/02/2024 20:46

Its her first baby and she is excited.

She probably didn't ask about your pregnancies because when you are child less or child free it doesn't even cross you radar to do so. Now she is having her first she is clearly reading up on all things pregnancy and spouting it as if you don't knkw these things.

Laugh at it for what it is and don't let it bother you.

She will be saying she wants all natural toys and no plastic, making everything fresh etc until she has it and real life kicks in.

Just smile and nod!

Cherrysoup · 11/02/2024 20:46

Honestly, minimise contact, give her nothing, ignore her nonsense. She’s obviously very excited, but she doesn’t need to be a pita with you at your stage of pregnancy.

Quackidy · 11/02/2024 20:46

@Globetrote thank you, i appreciate the advice!

OP posts:
Quackidy · 11/02/2024 20:49

@Spirallingdownwards thank you for ur advice and i agree, she is excited which is normal. but everything else is just a massive bummer on me.

she definitely will have a reality check further down the line!

OP posts:
Ktime · 11/02/2024 20:53

Quackidy · 11/02/2024 20:37

@Ktime you're absolutely right.

and nope, not got my son or unborn son one singular thing. just a birthday card for his first birthday.

she offered to give him a bath the other night while i did the dishes and i go into the bathroom after and she is sat on her phone while he is waiting to be put into the bath.

one time she had baby sat him while i went to the shop, literally took 15 minutes, my mother found him in his crib crying while she was in the shower.

She’s very selfish and is the type to only care about her kids. Which is fine for her, but don’t feel you have to be a better sister to her or do more for her future kids.

How dare she ask for your baby things when didn’t even buy you so much as a babygro as a gift!

Find your anger, OP, and treat her like an acquaintance, not a sister.

Gagaandgag · 11/02/2024 22:15

She is jealous of you isn’t she. What is her MH and home set up like generally?

Once you have had your babies do you thin you could actually have a heart to heart and call out her behaviour. Set boundaries etc or do you think she will always play the ‘poor me’ role

Gagaandgag · 11/02/2024 22:18

And sadly if your heart to heart is unsuccessful you have to think like this - if this was a friend you wouldn’t be so lenient. It’s because it’s your sister. Really think about boundaries because you’re really
not getting anything positive out of the relationship!

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