AIBU to ask about 8 yo emotional dysregulation

[Skintdancemum]

8 year old dd always been high maintenance but last 6 months or so really ramped up behaviour wise.

Fine at school, but literally every day 2-3 hour tantrums which can be triggered by literally anything. She screams, shouts, throws things, and can’t be calmed. She’s just been pulling massive chunks of her hair out she’s so distressed and angry 😭

My other kids are terrified, I don’t know how to handle her 😭

GP suggested ADHD, but no other suggestions of help. School have no concerns

Speak to the school Senco. My friend’s DD(8) was like this, although it started years earlier with her, but she has now been referred for ADHD and ASD assessments. Friend said she was told it is common in girls to mask at school but then have meltdowns at home, which is what was happening with her DD.

Hopefully someone will be along with some good advice for you.

Go back to GP and ask for referral for assessment.

Research about ADHD and how to support within the home. www.adhdfoundation.org.uk

Talk to SENCO at school about what GP suggested and how to reduce impact at school so DD is less explosive at home.

There is a book called The Explosive Child which may be helpful.

@nutbrownhare15 i will order it from amazon, thank you.

spoke to SENCO who said they have no concerns so weren’t really helpful, but I will try again

I would say autism rather than ADHD. But people always tiptoe in with ADHD instead of autism, I find, because it carries less of a stigma.

This is common. You are not alone.

Two phenomena likely at play:

1. Tiredness and hunger after school can precipitate meltdowns. More likely if autistic and/or intense after school activities like swimming/karate/scouts. To be clear, any child can be affected. I’m sure we’ve all had childhood moments of losing the plot!
2. Lack of routine and structure at home which unnerves those personalities who prefer a more orderly and calm life

Can you describe some of the triggers? To you they might be random, but maybe we can help you see a pattern.

When the tantrum happens, be aware that the shot of stress hormones released means inability to have rationale thoughts or some kind of complex negotiation. So, short, clear, calm instructions are the order of the day, and a nice big comforting hug will help.

What time is bedtime?

In the meantime, I recommend coming straight home from school, a nice big snack, then some low-tech down time. Dinner at a fixed time. An orderly routine for bedtime.

I think it sounds more like ASD to me! Girls mask at school and then let it out with people they are comfy with. I would talk to your GP and say you would like to be assessed for Autism and see what they can offer. In our area it is a 2 yrs wait though. Maybe read up on Autism in girls and ADHD and see what corallates with your child.

Are the siblings winding her up? Does she have protected time and space to be on her own and decompress? I can see that many posters are asking you to consider some kind of autism diagnosis. I’d say, yes, consider this, but also she might just be introverted. Not everyone wants to be endlessly social and playful.

I'm a SENCO and agree with this comment.

So we started the process for private autism and adhd assessment. Shes met with a psychologist today but we don’t get feed back yet. She’s been screaming and crying for last hour over literally a piece of paper that got ripped. It’s so disproportionate.

she can be totally fine, and I think there’s no way she can be on the spectrum, and then have another episode like this and I think she must be 😢 my other 2 kids are crying as they are scared. My husband is trying to calm her down but she’s totally irrational and its making things worse

Ask GP for Autism (or ASD) assessment. It sounds as though she is autistic but it may be other things that are causing the outbursts. They can refer her to a psychologist. You can also speak to the school and she can be referred to the Educational psychology department in the local authority. This might be quicker but depends on the area.

The school have no issues at all, so that’s a no go. I’m going to speak to them again though. It’s so upsetting seeing her like this, and obviously it must be awful for her

Can you be autistic but still be outgoing and imaginative? Sorry if this seems really ignorant, I need to research more.

I’ve known some very outgoing and imaginative autistic adults. They more often fell into the old fashioned diagnosis of Asperger’s.

There's a Tony Attwood video somewhere online about kids with Asperger's, and he describes a subset of children who are very socially motivated, e.g. will approach kids in the playground, but tend to then take over the game, boss them around, interrupt etc.

That was my ds. He's really friendly, good eye contact, generally animated and expressive. But lacks some understanding of social rules, and struggles with other aspects of communication. He also used to have huge meltdowns at that age. I swung between thinking it was ADHD/autism for years, but he ended up with an autism diagnosis and they didn't think he warranted an ADHD assessment.

Here, from 2:30 is the bit I was thinking of.

Thank you that’s really helpful!

Great advice on the thread above, but I'd be wary of the hug suggestion. In the middle of a meltdown, I find that the less interaction or input from others, the better. The meltdown for some kids resolves best when given quiet alone time to calm down, and any and all further stimuli only exacerbate the dysregulation - even if it's an offer of cake.

I hope you get useful feedback from the assessment. Also, please be reassured that even if it is ASD, it doesn't mean that these meltdowns will continue with the same frequency or severity forever.

Hi,

I wondered how you had got on and if you found the situation had improved at all?

@Skintdancemum

Thanks