Competitive in laws

[ellekeats]

Been married over ten years, my in laws are nice people but my god are they competitive with money.
We live in an expensive area where house prices are about double where they live, all we ever hear is about DH family houses are bigger/nicer than ours. They have openly made rude comments about our house (which is actually v nice!). Now they are moving to a larger new house they don't need..and again this is all we hear about. And their nice holidays, new car, three rental properties etc etc. I wish them all the best but sometimes it feels a little odd that they are competitive with us when we are at the beginning of house buying and paying for expensive childcare.
DH has recently started to agree that they are slightly odd in this respect and it's making their visits uncomfortable. What do we do/say asides just avoid them?
My own DP are far wealthier in comparison (own a v expensive property and a house abroad), give zero shits about money related things and I don't know how to deal with it as I don't expect this kind of thing..with your own child?! Both DC adore them so I'm not sure what to say really.

Presumably they know your parents are better off than they are and they feel threatened for some bizarre reason.

Otherwise maybe just say "come on Bob, we all know you're doing well, all this money talk is boring and unnecesaary"

If they carry on, I'd just say "money talks, wealth whispers"

I’m not sure you can say anything other than “what an odd thing to say FIL”

I would just spend as little time with them as possible.

I think every time they start with "isn't our house bigger than yours" stuff I'd say "very good, anyway..." and change the subject. If they're outright rude then call them out on it.

Just see less of them, it’s simple. Is this the kind of value system that you want to teach your children ?

Do it gradually and your children will adapt just fine. Either they are tiny and they don’t keep a diary / know the days of the week.

Or they are school age and they have lots of play dates / after school activity to keep them occupied.

I assume your PIL are middle aged or older, they are not going to change their personalities now.

@TUCKINGFYP0
Absolutely bloody not, I've said the same to DH, it's crass and distasteful.
Part of the prob is that they live several hours away so they either stay at ours (cue the sneering) or we have to stay with them, which I am going to refuse to do this year as I cannot bear the whole look at our new house thing. So it's a very intense few days/weeks in which I cannot escape them.
I feel very sorry for DH, he's only seen it recently.

@Dacadactyl
That's an absolutely spot on saying here, never heard that before, thanks!

If they live several hours away it will be easy to go low contact. If you go to their area and stay in an air BnB / hotel, you can spend some of the visit doing some sightseeing instead of all your time with them.

So the visits become shorter, further apart and with less and less time spent with them.

There’s no point is spending a lot of time with people you don’t like, who don’t like you ( I’m assuming this because they are rude to you and about you) and whose values you don’t share. Life is too short.

I would be careful about cutting off contact if your children adore them. Seems like you would be depriving children of grandparents and vice versa. Better to try to sort the problem imo

My own DP are far wealthier in comparison (own a v expensive property and a house abroad), give zero shits about money related things

To be fair, it's easy not to give a shit about money related things when you're loaded!

But I do get how annoying this is. I think I'd go with "can we not keep talking about money and who's house is best every time we see you? It seems to have become a pattern and it's not something I'm/we're comfortable with"
Sometimes you just have to be straightforward.

They obviously feel threatened by you and I think I might feel the same; We live in an expensive area where house prices are about double where they live, My own DP are far wealthier in comparison (own a v expensive property and a house abroad)
As they sound loving grandparents and they live a distance away from you, I would suggest you appreciate the good and try to ignore their insecurities.

They’re family! Just say “yes, we know money goes further where you live, stop banging on about it! “