How to deal with children and partner's rehab stay

[bollockssomehow]

Hi all,

Long time lurker, first time poster. I know this isn't really AIBU but I just need advice on this as there are only so many people I can talk to about this in real life.

After a very protracted battle with various substances, from alcohol to coke to prescription drugs (basically everything apart from heroin and crack), my partner has finally decided he should go to rehab. This is obviously a really positive step but I'm struggling to understand how to approach it with our kids.

We have an DD(11) and a DS(7). I have worked very hard to protect them from seeing anything bad and luckily have mostly managed things but there have been times where it's been tricky and I worry they must have thought something was up at times.

Everything I've read says you should tell the kids the truth (in age appropriate language) and this was my instinct anyway so we are going to do this. He will be going to residential rehab for 6 weeks so we couldn't even explain it away as a work trip or similar if we wanted to. I'm just looking for advice on whether there is anyone who has dealt with anything similar to this and how they have approached it.

I should add that both kids are diagnosed ND, one is autistic and the other ADHD and autism. They are relatively low needs but obviously not without their challenges.

I'd love any advice on the best way to phrase things to the kids. Also, friends (and my partner) have commented that the kids will talk to their friends who might tell their parents etc. My partner is really worried about this. I've read that it's really important it's not this dirty secret the children feel they need to keep from people and to my mind, if some random parents think negatively of us about this, I don't really care. The people we know and are close to support us. Friends have advised I tell the kids we just keep it within our family if they need to talk but I just worry this will make them feel it's something to be really ashamed of.

Anyway, sorry, long post! Thank you if you've got this far. Would really appreciate any feedback at all on how to help my kids through this.

Have you ever used social stories? Writing a social story and then reading this with them or using it as a script to guide what you're telling them would be helpful

I wouldn't ask them to keep it a secret. They would have to lie to people for a start and they should not have to feel they can't talk about their dad.

I'd just say that daddy isn't well and to help him get better he is going to stay at a special sort of hospital where there are people there to help him get better. And while he is there we won't be able to visit him but we will be able to.,....whatever is allowed.

And while he is gone we three will be fine because we will be here together at home. Some things will be a little bit different but mostly everything will be the same. Daddy wants to go and get better and we can help him by......whatever you can do.

This is really helpful, thanks so much.

@Unexpectedlysinglemum I hadn't thought of social stories, will have a look at that now!

I really like how you've phrased it @Birdsworth I'm definitely going to use that but I know they'll ask how is he sick (especially the older one) so I'm thinking I'll need to just pick one of the things and say that sometimes daddy wants more of his painkillers than he needs (for eg). I think if the language is too vague they'll just be confused. Or does this seem like a bad idea?? (So worried about doing this wrong 😥)

No, I think that's a good thing to say. And I agree with you that using vague language probably will just confuse the situation. I'd be as truthful and reassuring as possible.

OK thanks for getting back to me :)

Simular position how did it go