AIBU to expect partner to share household work load

[Birdry]

Long and short of it is; when I ask my partner to help out with cleaning, it's always a I'll do it later or an argument saying he doesn't have anytime for himself and one whole day of the weekend goes in seeing his kid, so asking him to spend the other day doing chores is unfair.

For further context and to not drip feed. When we initially started living together I was unemployed so did all the cooking and cleaning but also contributed lesser towards bills and rent. However as time went on and my salary increased I uped my contributions but the work divide didn't change significantly. Mainly because my partner was working shifts (weekends, nights etc). And I can understand the toll it takes on your overall well-being so I continued to do majority of it. Now we work the same hours and split bills 50/50. So I do expect him to chip in with the cleaning too. Which honestly all I ask is for him to vaccum the whole appartment and take the bins out every other weekend. But it's never done willing, it's always me having to ask a couple of times for it to be done and then met with either an argument or grumbling.
Is this normal? His child lives about 100 miles away so that pretty much takes the whole Sunday. (The mother won't allow the child to visit at ours). I like to clean on the weekend since that's the only time we have a good chunk of time to get it all done. If both of us do it together it doesn't take more than 2- 3 hours. AIBU to expect the help? Shouldn't there be some balance with responsibility towards the child and up keep of the house you live in?
He does help to an extent with daily cooking and washing up but I do about 75% of it, specially if I'm meal prepping.

It's sounds like he's equating "having" to see his child one day at the weekend with a chore or work. He's a tool. That's really it.

then other jobs are divided - I am doubtful this will work with that type of men. The jobs will either not get done or he will be so incompetent you will stop asking.

A question to ask (whether yourself, him or both together) is - if I get ill / disabled either temporarily or permanently - what happens to the housework? My DH just does not see dust/ dirt/ clutter but when I became disabled he had to step up. I had to nag him about the dusting/hoovering etc although he did everything else without a murmur or prompting. Would your DP step up, or would you still be doing everything?

We ended up turning the door to the pantry into a giant blackboard with a weekly calendar on it to solve the dusting & hoovering issue; there are small jobs for every weekday on it, a meal planner & a weekly/ monthly/six monthly 'big jobs' planner (after Alexa took on the shopping list 😉). It really worked, and we've kept it now I work part time. Would this work for you?

Your other option of course is to actually stop doing anything. He doesn't put the bin out? Don't nag and don't do it yourself. He leaves his washing / dishes / whatever - leave them. I wouldn't normally advocate this, but if he won't do anything then leaving it until he notices might be the only option. Then if he does raise it, you calmly tell him that he's an adult, you're his partner not his mother, and until he can start acting like an adult you won't be picking up after him.

With any luck he might change; unfortunately I think you might discover that he was the same with his previous partner, and that one of the reasons for refusing a home visit for their child is that they are familiar with his lack of housekeeping. I think you may have a tough decision to make.

Where did he live before you? I assume he managed to work, keep house and see his child.

Does he do his own laundry?

You need a new partner. Stop doing anything for him at all, no washing, ironing, cooking, admin, the lot. It worked for me with my ex but by then I had lost all respect for him so I left him anyway.

He's taking the piss. A man only deserves a woman who does all the housework if he is willing to totally support her financially imo. What makes these waste of space types think they are entitled to a 1950s style housewife?

Jimmy on relationships, on insta gram, makes loads of videos about these kind of issues- you might be able to find one to show him to explain things

He doesn’t need an explanation, he simply wants the little woman to do it, because that is her place, and he is above scrubbing toilets.

You are very naive if you think this has come about due to lack of understanding. Please do not gaslight the OP along with this dreadful man.

This was similar when I became pregnant - I couldn’t do as much as my ex just didn’t step up at all despite me asking him to do specific things I got in a very similar situation to the op- I was hormonal and communicated by distress through tears and upset. I suggested that Jimmy on relationships insta as he is a reformed man like ops DH and my ex and he explains it in a way that men can logically engage with

You like to do the housework at the weekend but you want him to do it with you on a Saturday?
He goes to visit his child for whole day on Sunday?
I am assuming you don't go with him !
So why don't you do the housework on Sunday while he is away - can't see why it takes more than 2 hours in an apartment. Put the hoover round etc while he is out. Then you could spend a day together doing something as a couple on Saturday. No wonder he complains about doing housework at the weekend !!
Perhaps he would prefer to spend some quality time with you?
Why does it take 2- 3 hours for two people in an apartment ? It must be a big apartment !! Need to prioritise your relationship at weekend. Go out for the day / have a lie in / visits friends / go out for a date.
YABU

So why don't you do the housework on Sunday while he is away

So it's totally fair that they work the same hours, pay 50-50 and OP does 100% housework?

He should be doing half the housework for the house he lives in. The arrangements for seeing his child are irrelevant.

He will never change. Never. Cut your losses!