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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Advice on this neighbour

11 replies

NewNeighbourhood · 11/02/2024 07:16

I moved to a new neighbourhood 18 months ago, don’t know anyone. Just for context I’m a quiet but polite and will talk but not “in your face” type person who is fully aware of boundaries (just for context!).

I worked temporarily in a job for 10 months when I moved to the area and met a lovely woman who upon finding out where I lived mentioned her friend lives there and over the course of the job she mentioned her friend said we should swap numbers as we live close by. I agreed and messaged her friend a few days later and introduced myself. No response! I left it and honestly I forgot about her and the message till 2 weeks later when she messaged and said sorry she was busy, I fully understood and replied back I understand.

She fired lots of questions at me which I replied back, she ended the message with we have lots in common and our kids are same age and would be lovely to meet up. I agreed and told her the days I’m free to meet and she said she will get back to me. Never did! 3 months later knocked on my door for trick or treat in October.

I left it as I felt she’s not really looking to make friends even though my work friend told me “she’s very lonely, she finds the neighbours really cold and unfriendly, would be nice if you guys got along”. The thing is I’m all alone here as DH works abroad so would be nice just to have someone to say friendly morning to or kids to wave so each other.

I decided I’ll try one more time and as we’re both off next week and so are the kids (half term) I asked her if they want to come over for a playdate on “x day”, she read it straight away but no response. I know replies in here will be in her defence but seriously how rude not to reply. And she’s the type who is always posting updates on everything in her status and everytime I’ve seen her she’s glued to her phone.

OP posts:
DustyLee123 · 11/02/2024 07:18

I would just leave it if I were you.

Fraaahnces · 11/02/2024 07:19

She sounds flakey. Why bother?

Boatshoes · 11/02/2024 07:19

I wouldn’t bother anymore. If your other friend asks how you are getting on, just be honest and say that you did try but the other woman was not forthcoming. Don’t give her any more headspace.

Hiddenvoice · 11/02/2024 07:21

I would leave it be, you’ve made the effort but sadly she seems a lot busier and isn’t as fast to reply.
could you perhaps meet up with the work friend and get to know her better?

Sparklfairy · 11/02/2024 07:21

She might be lonely, but she might also be socially anxious/awkward. It's all very well saying it would be great to meet up but the actual reality/logistics can be overwhelming. I think this is especially true post-COVID.

Realistically I think you need to leave it. You'll waste so much mental energy trying to pin her down. Who knows, she might approach you properly in the future. Can you join something like Meetup to meet new people? My local one has a big group mostly for people who are new-ish to the area and haven't made many/any friends yet. They do all kinds of activities (sports/games nights/pub nights/gigs) and it's really friendly.

NewNeighbourhood · 11/02/2024 07:23

It just really annoys me as all I’ve heard is that she’s told my friend all the neighbours are rude and unfriendly etc. but she’s actually the rude one! I’ve tried to be so nice to her. When the kids came for trick or treat they were so lovely and I chatted to them, our kids would get on so well. I don’t like how she’s making herself out to be all nice and friendly when she’s not.

OP posts:
NewNeighbourhood · 11/02/2024 07:26

@Hiddenvoice i do meet up with my work friend sometimes, her kids are much older and I really wanted some neighbour friends for my kids like I had growing up. My work friend doesn’t live in the area.

OP posts:
doilooklikeicare · 11/02/2024 07:28

Honestly? She's not interested, for whatever reason.

Can you join other groups etc to make friends?

Hiddenvoice · 11/02/2024 07:28

Try not to get too caught up in it. You don’t know the other neighbours or their background with this person so you can’t really comment on if she finds them unfriendly.
She doesn’t sound great with the lack of responding but it wasn’t her who reached out first, it was your work colleague who said you should meet to try benefit you. Sadly this neighbour doesn’t really owe your anything.
It’s really annoying when people agree with meet up and then never actually reply to setting a date and time. I would just leave it be and not bother. If she replies eventually with a meet up time then I’d maybe think about it as she does sound flakey.

edit- your children will make friends in time, it will probably be easier in the summer when more children are out playing.

NewNeighbourhood · 11/02/2024 07:59

Good advice thank you everyone.

OP posts:
GRex · 11/02/2024 08:57

You don't actually know that this woman is "lonely", you only have third hand info from an old colleague, she might be very busy. She has messaged a few times and brought the kids over at Halloween, so that's a start to being friendly. Suggest more specific activities and dates, she might be up for one.

Where it's confusing though is that it's been 18 months now, why on earth are you so fixated over getting to know one person in this place? You need to get out to meet others; local soft play, playgrounds, summer camp for the kids but arrive early and chat, start club activities for the kids, and chat to the parents while you wait, invite over school friends with a parent, ask the class whatsapp group if anyone is free to go to X local activity etc. Surely the kids have school friends, have had party invites etc by now??

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