To feel lonely?

[ficklemissfickle]

Background, 52, long term marriage with 2 kids in their late teens. Recently started a new job which I'm finding to be more challenging than I anticipated- wondering if I've bitten off more than I can chew and feeling pretty inadequate and consumed with anxiety. Best friend and main confident been very ill with mental health issues (although much better now) has not been available for support and whilst husband has been good I just feel very lonely, isolated, low in mood and bit pathetic. Also - shamefully - a little resentful that friend hasn't been there when I've needed her.
Haven't got many friends - one of my other close friends is also employed in a senior role in same department. Always felt - in life generally- never got things quite "right" such as clothes, hair, make up, small talk etc!! Considering joining a gym but worried will still feel like an outsider. Any thoughts gratefully received.

It's hard to make friends as an adult, particularly when you're beyond the age of meeting people through your children. I think 'joining something' or making a big effort with new work colleagues is the obvious choice but do think you're being a bit hard on your one good friend if she's been very ill. I recognised your 'not fitting in' comment and wondered if you'd considered nd but you may not feel it's worth exploring now. You'll feel worse just now because work is tricky but hopefully you'll get to grips with the new challenge.

Thank you - yes, completely recognise how unreasonable it is of me regarding my friend, I suppose it's made me pull back now as it's not fair to be so dependent on one person. Regarding ND, I think it is hugely probable I have dyspraxia - a younger relative has been diagnosed and I can recognise a lot of similarities but I wouldn't know where to go with that?