To be pissed off he doesn’t know my DOB?

[Allinadayswork80]

Partner of just over 5yrs. I know everything about him as well as his family’s birthdays etc or those that I don’t I put in the calendar to remind him to wish them happy birthday/buy a card etc.

Today I asked him to collect my prescription, as he was passing the chemist. I was going to be looking after the kids, walking the dog and hosting our DD’s birthday party whilst he was off fixing a car for a friend (despite us having tons of jobs that need doing ourselves!). It was our DD’s birthday during the week which we both took a day off work to spend with her and take her out for the day. Today my brother and niece were visiting who I only see a couple of times a year as they live several hours away. They’re staying at my parents for the weekend so we decided to do a little party this afternoon for our DD with family and some friends/their kiddies. He decided to prioritise his friend’s car. Fine, his loss. However the ONE and only thing I asked of him to do was collect my prescription. He asked what he needed so I said just say my name, our address and my DOB. Which then led to an agonising few minutes of him desperately trying to remember it. Got the date wrong (confused with his brother’s 2 days before mine) and had no idea what year! Just became a guessing game. I let it go. This evening I ask for my prescription, he stares blankly at me and then it dawns on him, “oh shit, sorry I forgot”. So I’m annoyed. I said “I asked you to do ONE thing for me today whilst everything else was for yourself”. He comes back with “alright I’ve said I’m sorry, what more do you want!” Then says he’ll pick it up on Monday which will be two days of no medication. Then asks again where/how. Gets the chemist wrong. Then says “I’ll set a reminder on my phone so I won’t forget” I said he may aswell put my DOB down as well incase he forgets that again. He comes back with “oh you just had to drop that in there aswell didn’t you, I said sorry and it’s not enough” and he just “couldn’t quite remember for a moment”.

So now I’m the one in the wrong for being annoyed. No shouting or screaming, just quietly annoyed/upset. I’ve come to bed as don’t want to have a full blown argument and he is angry and sorry for himself as clearly I’m the horrible one for making him feel bad. How would you feel? Should I have just let it go and said not to worry?

It's not just the DOB it's everything.
Doesn't sound like much of a partner generally - who misses their child's party?

But I am doing it as a favour to him, he’s genuinely upset and annoyed with himself when he forgets and is grateful when reminded or when I buy a card for said family member. His mum for example puts huge emphasis on her birthday/occasions being remembered and if she didn’t get a card/call from him she’d be really upset. As would he. He’s just really self absorbed, not selfish, as he’d do anything for anyone if asked, including me, just not off his own back as he forgets and is so disorganised. I’d just like him to sometimes think outside of his own little bubble.

I put people's DOB in their contact file on my phone. It even has a pre-labelled field for it.

So he can't go to the effort of typing a date in his phone 😒 not to mention remembering that you need meds and which chemist to get them from! All of which he could've put in his phone if he's that unbothered scatty.

You're entitled to feel pissed off.

I forgot my own middle name once, so I wouldn’t worry about this tbh.

😂Thanks for this, really made me chuckle!

True story - recently at the drs with 1 of my DC (baring in mind 1 is a boy, 1 is a girl, plus age difference)
receptionist: “DOB please”
me: squinting at DC “which one are you again??”
DC: eye rolls at me, gives own DOB to receptionist

I birthed them and I still sometimes need a minute to remember their DOBs

I'm an only child and my dad couldn't tell you my DOB...

Fair enough, but it turns out he doesn't do that. Again you are thinking a good partner will do all this for the other person but you do and he doesn't. Perhaps he isn't capable, perhaps he doesn't care, and it's ok to feel like your do, but you need to focus on what your can do with your feeling.
Try to understand that he is different from you and decide do you want to send all the cards to his family, if so then do it, but if doing that isn't going to give you what you want then stop doing it.
Doing it and expecting things from him isn't working.
I'm ignoring all that prescription stuff for now as there's clearly a lot going on and that's the straw that's breaking the camels back!

Wouldn’t bother me. I’ve got far too much on plate to worry about it.

I remember my own dob, my age however is whole other story

No this would not bother me, sure I could divorce my husband over it but I could also do that if he left the milk out I guess

He’s just really self absorbed, not selfish, as he’d do anything for anyone if asked

But you did ask. And he forgot your date of birth and then forgot to go. And then he forgot the pharmacy.

I don’t think the birth date thing is too bad in itself, as people have pointed out lots of people struggle with remembering dates, but not picking up your prescription and putting you and your family last to tinker with a friend’s car is totally unacceptable.

I agree with this. DOB irrelevant if he can't be bothered remembering to go the pharmacy in the first place.

You are enabling his incompetence I'm afraid.
He's not a teenager anymore. And even teens need to learn that there are consequences to their actions/decisions/mistakes.

Good point

Yes I see what you mean. The old adage about doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different outcome I suppose…
I see now that some people just aren’t good with remembering things like dates etc. which I need to accept and also that it’s up to him to utilise resources if it means anything to him to send cards etc. I think I need to step back and let him own his own shit.

Haha yes I see the contradiction here. With him, if I specifically say “can you please go to xyz and pick up xyz now” then he absolutely would. But to expect him to incorporate it into his day is entirely another thing.

well- everyone is making excuses it seems but I think that is more than a bit pathetic and shit of him.

My DH can't recall the DOB for either of our children and consistently gets it wrong and I think that is pathetic as well. And tell him so.

I don't cover for him though.

I wouldn't be at all bothered by his not remembering the d.o.b. Admittedly, I can't bear to be reminded in any way of my birthday, so I'd prefer if the people in my life did forget it! But even apart from that, people do have different strengths and weaknesses as regards memory. For example, I am good with names and dates and numbers and conversations, but am abnormally terrible at visual memory, and have sometimes offended people by failing to recognize them visually, or by failing to notice that someone has, e.g., a new dress. In any case, I think that caring and interest in a person are shown by how you treat them every day, not by remembering their birthday.

However, I WOULD be pissed off by his not only letting you take all the mental load of remembering all his family's birthdays, but then taking all the credit for it! It's both unfair to you, and in a way lying to his family. If he's bad at remembering dates, his family should know this and hopefully accept it! In a way, you're helping him to cheat in a test. I would give up this sort of 'wifework' for the future.

And I'd be much more annoyed at his forgetting to go the pharmacy than at his forgetting your d.o.b.

I bet he remembers every date his football team ever played.

Home and away!

@Allinadayswork80

Then says he’ll pick it up on Monday which will be two days of no medication.

Hope you've got your prescription now OP? And who collected it - him or you? 🌹

I've been with my partner for 17 years and I can never remember off the top of my head the year he was born and I'm not the type of person that can be bothered to work it out based off age etc either

I can imagine it is annoying but some people just aren't good at remembering numbers like me

My husband of 34 years thinks my birth date is
14.4.65

But its 15.4.64

He gets it wrong every single time. ( suits me as I'm obviously a year younger than I am!

Aw yes thanks, he did! Set a reminder in his phone 😆