To find relative doing this insulting/irritating

[ireallycantthinkofaname]

As you were leaving their home having made them dinner, got them a cup of tea and drinks and made their bed, a relative called you back into the room where they were sitting, used their fingers to pull their lips into a facsimile of a smile and said "go on - it makes you attractive!" Would you be justified in feeling insulted?
They have the early stages of dementia but have always done things like this. Other family members say I should just "take it on the chin" because they love me, but for some reason the way it was done today has really, really annoyed me. And I sort of already know IABVVU and it's a case of just shutting up and putting up but want to check with impartial outsiders.

I don't understand. Were they implying you need to smile more?
Have you got resting bitch face?
Do you do this hosting with any pleasure or out of duty?

The time to pull them up on such behaviour was before they developed dementia. It will probably just get worse from here on as they lose their ability to control their behaviour more and more.

Nothing you can do now other than refuse to provide care if it upsets you.

Sounds like their just joking around wanting a laugh...but it came at your expense

I think YABU to be insulted and annoyed that someone with dementia is acting like this tbh.

If they have dementia is it part of that?

It sounds very annoying but like an other poster said the time to pull them up on the behaviour was before they got dementia.

I read a really interesting article on dementia care that basically said if a person was toxic towards you before their illness and gaslit ans generally not great.. then they are still capable of it after a diagnosis and you need to protect yourself and make your boundaries clear.

A dementia diagnosis is a hard thing especially if you’ve had a poor relationship before. It drags up a lot of hurt and pain.

YABU

Yeah I realise that now.
I was a child though so couldn't and just got told to, as I said, deal with it

If they were really toxic before, why are you doing all this for them? Guilt?

If it’s taking its toll on you, maybe you need to cut back? Let SS take over? Or maybe they need residential care?

I’m sorry it’s so tough for you. It’s all very well being told YABU but until you’ve walked in those shoes, it’s incredibly hard to understand the sheer sadness and pain of giving everything to someone who is just horrid in return. It’s very different if it is completely out of character for them as it’s ‘just the dementia’ but when you’ve had years of it before it’s just another form of torture.

YANBU to find it annoying, but it would be unreasonable to say anything about it. Telling someone to smile is never going to have a positive effect on someone. Even if it's true that smiling makes us look better and feel better, being told to do so doesn't inspire a smile! Some people don't understand that, apparently.

I would probably feel an impulse to reply by telling them they're welcome for the help, if they haven't already thanked you, but in the case of dementia, you're better off letting it go.