Is there something wrong with me?

[kcchiefette]

I just genuinely can't be bothered with most socialising etc any more.

This started after Christmas.

For example:

I enjoy spending time with my boyfriend. I see him usually 2x a week but recently, I just couldn't be bothered. I just want to cosy up inside with my dog and enjoy my own company.

A work friend recently left and was having leaving drinks. I again had to drag myself out for those and lasted about an hour so I could leave as I just wanted my PJs on and chill out.

My friends are all organising events for birthdays and the thought of them is filling me with dread.

All social events and interactions just seem to DRAIN me now. The only activities I literally look forward to are the gym, watching some TV, reading etc all ALONE.

It has got to the point I have been questioning if I still want a relationship as I genuinely just couldn't be bothered.

I don't feel depressed, in fact, quite the opposite. I feel content and comfortable in my own company.

Has anyone else had a phase like this?

As long as you're content and happy, I fail to see the problem. Ditch the relationship if it's really not bringing anything to your life anymore.

Yes I'm in one now. I don't think it will last though. I would say it's good to try to maintain connections so that if/when you want to see friends again you will still have them. Make it clear to your friends that it's nothing that they have done that's making you want to bow out for some if the stuff you decline.

Have you had a phase like this before?
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How's work going?

A lot more people are like this than you might imagine! Someone will probably be along to tell you you’re depressed in a minute, but you clearly aren’t. Sometimes being alone is what some of us need to relax and recharge.

I feel like you quite a lot of the time op

I work full time but only 1 day a week in office but I do look forward to going in for a quick chat with people. But more than 2x a week I feel drained of people.

It may be the time of year it is etc with the weather the way its been.

Ive got a comedy show to go to on Tuesday and it seems like so much effort 😂 I will go and probably enjoy it but its the whole going out, for hours, I end up exhausted lol

Definitely the dark mornings and nights coupled with the rubbish weather doesn't help

Yeah, mine has been about 9 years. I used to enjoy a night out starting with drinks at a friends house then a few bars in town then occasionally a night club.

id rather do spa day, afternoon tea, escape room, restaurant during the day. Can’t be arsed with nights out anymore. Im mid 40s

I’m just the same. If it’s a phase, it’s lasted over fifteen years 😂

Maybe you are just realising the joys of indulging yourself. I am an introvert. My job involves me being very “on” and is very peoply. I recharge by spending time alone at home or pottering about on my own.

I do go out with friends but I find it drains me of energy.

Well as humans this is the only way we can hibernate…. it’s not just you. I’m sure your dog is pleased to be getting more attention!

Just tell your friends and bf that you are taking me time and save energy for important things you have to do.

Yeah when I hit 50 I was the same. I do find though that when I go out I really enjoy myself. It's the getting ready and thoughts that put me off. It's probably our age, I use to be such a sociable person.

OP I am totally the same. I have been invited to a friends tonight (not in the UK, different time zone) for a girls night , I don't know anyone else going, no idea how many are going... I am totally dreading it. I made myself say yes as I wanted to be more of a 'yes' person and now really regretting it. Wish I could get out of it but I'd feel bad for cancelling. I'd so much rather be in/out with my DH and then back home to chill.

YANBU, I like being at home. And if I do eat out I often resent shelling out money for ‘fine dining’. I do love food but I’m often underwhelmed by the meals out. I also don’t drink.

Watch out for your comfort zone getting smaller!

I find people are quite adaptable. WFH initially (I’m 8 years in now) really extended my tolerance for my own company a lot – I got used to it. Came to prefer it (much easier, less effort). Then realised my world had become quite small and unchallenging.

Likewise when I started working at a quite pressured, very sociable workplace some years back – it felt like a huge gap had been created when circumstances changed and I left.

God yes! I just can't with anyone.

I work sixty hour weeks, I have five kids, a husband and a mum who isn't in great health who needs my input.

Other than that I just want to chill at home. Maybe things will change in the summer but once the sun goes down and work ends, that's it. I'm done.

I saw something yesterday about how people who want to be on their own are always happy to have their pets with them when they're on their own. Basically, it was implying that people want to be on their own because they don't actually feel like they can be their true honest self with people.

It blew my mind! I WFH and I'm similar to you. I enjoy being around people but for short spells. I do think that person was right. Sometimes I do feel like I have to behave in a certain way when I'm out and I can't just be myself like I can when I'm at home.

I'm like this.

I had a very very hectic life for 20 years.

Now my youngest is at uni and it's just me and three cats. Bloody love it.

I do get out about four times a week.

OK to purposely misquote a popular reel on Instagram:

~are you eating well?
~ are you sleeping well?
~ do you exercise?
~ do you get outside in the fresh air every day?
~ do you do anything creative?

It’s hard to tell op if you are discovering that you are naturally very introverted OR you are depressed, but if I were to hazard a guess, despite what you say about being comfortable and happy, I would guess the latter because:

~ this is fairly recent
~ you don’t want to be with your bf
~ you mention the words drain and dread and cba

I know you say you are not down op but you don’t need to feel sad to have depression; it can just be a sort of of low level grey feeling. It’s well established that not doing anything new or outside of your comfort zone is bad for your mh. As is being isolated, even out of choice. But I’m prepared to be told I am totally wrong!

Alternative theories:

~ the pandemic has subconsciously stopped people wanting to plan ahead or rely on anyone else for fun … because … anything might happen … so what’s the point? We seek safety and predictability instead.

~ the more you are on your own, wfh, indoors, on screens, the less energy you have. I know I find Zoom calls far more draining than ordinary conversations.

~ you don’t have enough purpose in your life. We all need something to strive for to feel happy. That’s why Euromillion winners go off the rails.

~ you might just need a temporary break and “hibernation” period from socialising in order to recharge and there’s nothing wrong with that. Sometimes periods of withdrawal reflection come before a change of direction.

Yep the weird thing is, I've overhauled my diet, got back into a gym routine and lost some weight again. I'm doing daily walks with the dog as well.

The only time I want to really do anything with someone is if I am outside having a walk etc! For example, if boyfriend suggests I go round and watch some TV at his, I genuinely feel - what is the point?

I was round my boyfriend's last night and was just outrageously bored. I fell asleep on the sofa.

I went off drinking after Christmas period because I had a really bad spiking experience at a bar while out, so I have avoided alcohol since as well (not really long term but only want to when I feel like it)

I think its like a "hibernation" type of thing. Christmas made me feel socially exhausted and I have felt like I needed significant "me" time since.

I have a LOT of things coming up - couple of overnight stays and 2x holidays and I wish I could say I was excited but at the moment I am DREADING them.

The only bad thing I can think is that over the last month or so my sleep has been really poor, so it may be just feeling genuinely tired.

I will keep an eye out to see if it gets any worse! At the moment I am still going out, etc and will continue to do so.

It certainly sounds like you have a very healthy lifestyle op and that your motivation is good. Sleep is definitely something to
work on though as sleep deprivation is no joke.

I feel for you dreading your holidays and overnight visits as that sounds really miserable and stressful.

Could this be anxiety do you think op? Sometimes it roots you to the spot.

It doesn’t normally happen in a vacuum though.

Are these holidays with your bf? I know you say you enjoy spending time with him but do you think your subconscious is sending you a message?

Even if it’s not that, it seems such a shame to have to force yourself to go when holidays and visits are meant to be fun and re-energising. Maybe you will enjoy them once you get there! Or maybe you should just be honest and true to yourself and say you can’t face them? Did you take out holiday insurance?

<double take>

Sorry op I just re-read your update and you said your drink was spiked at a bar after Christmas and it was bad?

No wonder you want to stay at home!

That’s really awful op. It’s an assault of sorts. You might be still in shock or having a delayed fraction or something?

Or even a physical reaction from the drug or both?

Maybe you should go and see someone about it, your gp, maybe a therapist or the police? I hope you are ok x

I've been like this for about 6 years now. No apologies here.

I've felt like this for the last eighteen months. Previously, very physically and mentally active. In the end, after a year of feeling like this, I went to my GP surgery and had a blood test. The results showed that I have myalgic encephalitis. At my age, (mid-70's) it's not going to go away. However, there are ways to manage it effectively. I'm doing this and, although my life is permanently altered, I know how to make the most of it.
I hope that your situation will improve. Remember, knowledge is power!

Yeah, it definitely was a spiking as I didnt drink as much to be the way I was. I was hallucinating and slurring words etc so my boyfriend had to stay up all night watching me sleep.

Felt really bad - as in depressed, anxious etc for about a week afterwards and its put me off going out for anything more than 1-2 drinks.

It may have impacted my thoughts on going out to pubs etc so maybe its subconsciously affecting other events also.

Ill keep an eye out and visit GP if no better soon.

Thanks for advice!

Gosh that’s awful op. I’m really sorry someone did that to you. It would be very natural to be trusting of others after that I think. 💐