I don't know what to do with my life

[rainbowhairchalk]

I'm from the UK but live in another country, I'm 43, I have a DH and a DD. I don't speak the language very well so haven't had a proper job for a long time. I've done some online, freelance stuff but nothing particularly fulfilling.

I've recently been through treatment for an illness but should be ok now and I am desperate to do something with my life. I'm not leaving the country or my family, it's just not an option. I've had a look at potentially setting up as a VA but to be honest the amount of work involved is overwhelming.

I dream of doing a little admin job, I'm not a business strategist, I'm not a professional, I don't have lots of words and I'm not great at selling myself (can you tell?? 😅). The country I'm in is not very sympathetic to people who don't speak the language (I've been here a long time, it's not going to happen) so it's holding me back in getting any kind of job here.

So online is where it's at but what?! Should I retrain? If so, in what? I've done graphic design before and marketing but neither particularly set me on fire.

At the moment all I do is scroll all day or get panicky and start looking for jobs all over but never hear anything back. Financially we're ok and I don't need to work, I only need to work for my sanity and to feel like my life has purpose and meaning.

I'm deeply unhappy but having a job would change everything. Has anyone else been in this position? What did you do?

I did actually start doing one of those but then lost interest 🤔 it's definitely something I should persue though

Well jf you think about what immigrants do for work when coming to the U.K. when they speak little English it is either working in businesses owned by people of their background (thus their own language is often used) or doing manual Labour when the local language isn’t a big part of the job. So working in factories, food processing plants, office cleaning etc.

I have sent you a link to my Artstation, in terms of paid work I do visualisation drawings for buildings and gardens, I also design gardens/structures, bespoke sculptures, abstract artwork and planting schemes. I have just done some visualisation work for a client to send to planning and some interior designs. I have done an album cover, book illustrations all in the same software. It has taken a while to build up skills and 3d assets but worth it and I only work part time.

My plan was to get into game design/environment art but because I had done some work in Landscaping I fell in that direction.

That sounds like a depressing life. You need to stick with things to be successful. Why did you give up on the TEFL course? A job isn’t going to just drop into your lap. You need to be focussed & complete a qualification or language course.

I’ve read the full thread and I don’t see how your life will improve if you’re certain you can’t learn the language and you’re certain that you don’t want to move to an English speaking country. Something has to give surely?

I do feel like I'd be much happier if I had a job, working from home, in English. It would give me a sense of purpose which I think is all I need

'You need to stick with things to be successful ' has been running through my mind all day. Thank you.

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(I can’t ignore the fact you’ve given up on language though. If something happens to DH how will you navigate things?!)

It is so weird to me that you have decided you can't/won't learn the language.

Make it your FT job as of now to learn it. 6 months of intensive work will make you fluent. Just take it seriously.

Maybe you could even make friends with other expat SAHM who are learning.

I'd move back to the UK as soon as possible. Would obviously need to take into account my DD ( would depend on her age and what stage at school she was in) and in-laws of course although they would understand. If anything happened to him though I'd never need to work again anyway lol

I don't know why people can't accept that someone can't learn another language.

If they can speak their mother language decently well, they can learn an additional one. I can understand that they may lack confidence but this attitude of "oh it just can't happen for me" is super problematic.

Maybe I'm just not intelligent enough 😟

@NeptuneOrion

Depends on the language. The closer a language is to English (Spanish) the quicker and easier to learn it.

I live in Japan, Japanese takes 5 years of intensive study to reach fluency, and thousands of kanji must be learnt. I've got the basics down but for every foreigner here that reaches fluency there's 9 that don't, because the effort is ENORMOUS

Even UK graduates with a degree in Japanese are only 1/2 to 2/3 of the way there.

We don't know what country the OP lives in, and it might be one of the more distant languages from English (Arabic, thai etc)

I have no doubt you are intelligent enough. It's more likely that you have a psychological thing blocking you. I am not saying anyone can become Shakespeare in their second language, but you can absolutely learn. Maybe it's not an easy learning journey. A bit like me and maths... I was always rubbish at it, couldn't do it, couldn't understand, almost paid to be diagnosed with dyscalculia. Then at 36, I started at a local college, 2 years later I got a 7 (a B+) at GCSE Maths.

You must be bored out of your mind. How many years has it been?

Find the emotional hook to your country's language. For me it was popular culture I wanted to know all the songs, the sitcoms etc.

Which language is it?

Someone suggested volunteering. I think that's a great idea to start.

Tbf, OP, I berate my sister for the same reason. She lives in a bilingual country so has never bothered learning the other language.

You are right. I was harsh. But if it's going to be her life forever, there isn't another way. Especially if she lives somewhere where expats are rarer.

I'd rather not say the country as it would be quite outing but they do all speak English fluently which makes it even more difficult.

I have a little Etsy shop which keeps me busy on and off during the year and I do some design work for a small business. I also usually do some volunteering work a couple of days a week (but had to stop due to illness as it's a very physical job - hoping to get back there soon). I don't really get bored, I'm just frustrated because before moving here all I ever knew was working and having good jobs. When I first moved here I did actually get a job but it was on a contract basis and they didn't renew it because the industry it was in crashed at that time.

When I do speak the language in front of my in-laws they often can't understand me and switch to English...

I did a bit of Japanese at Uni - er no thanks! Wow, so hard ha

@NeptuneOrion

And I agree with you 😊. I actually said up there earlier that she needs to learn the language OR accept her fate. I've met quite a few people who've become bitter/depressed because they never learnt the language and stayed on the edge's of their adoptive society

This thread has given me a good kick though to improve my Japanese....

I've got friends, I go out socially, I have a close family of in laws... I just need a job!

Are your in-laws being slyly toxic?

Can you have a chat with husband and daughter and explain you really want to have a crack at it and you need their support?

Germans were a bit meh with me for 3-4 months when I lived there, kept switching to english when I was so obvs making an effort. 6 months later I could tell them to f off pretty well:D

No, they're just old and slightly deaf but it makes me not want to bother lol. It's so hard when they're all so good at English and just switch. My daughter cringes when I speak the language to her 😆husband would be all for it in theory but I sometimes don't understand him.

Can you develop the Etsy shop into a proper business?

Not really ☹️

Alright, I've had a good think and I've started a free course on Codecademy to learn more about UI and UX design. I think UI design would be a good fit for me so we shall see! Thanks everyone for your advice, I might even look at the language again some time in the near future...maybe 🤔