Am I being unreasonable to be concerned about my brother...................

[GingerNutMe]

Exactly that really.......... My brother has suffered with bad health for some time now affecting his ability to do his job to the point that he has been signed off work for more than 12 months and now been 'let go'. He is still having problems, sure, but he is 10 times better than he was and under regular assessments with the hospital.

The trouble is, I can't help but feel he's just given up and making no obvious effort to help himself. He's made no attempt to find a job that he could do - his previous was quite manual - he's made no attempt to explore any benefit entitlements, he sleeps all day and plays on his computer all night, orders food in on a regular basis etc etc. Yes he got a small pay out but he has no income, and more alarming is that he has a wife and family. The family are grown up and not living at home but still they come round to visit etc.

If you try and talk to him about it he instantly gets aggressive with his responses and seems to refuse any suggestion of help. He says he will do things, but only when he is ready - when will that be?

I can see this seriously effecting his relationship, it already has and I worry, not least because theirs no way he's coming and living at mine!!!!!

He is an adult, he can sort himself out.

Do you think it's likely that he'll try and make his housing and welfare your problem?

It is really really demoralising to have to leave a job due to your own ill health. I'm not surprised he needs some time.

You say he has a family but that his kids are grown up. So he doesn't need to support them.

Give him some time. It's a hell of a shock to the system. If he has a wife and adult kids there is a support system there.

From what you've said I don't see any reason why he should have to move in with you. Is there a reason you are worried about this?

If he doesn't want to talk about it, as an adult he doesn't have to.

Dies his wife work? Is that sufficient income for them?

Thank you for the replies. My concern is that his way of dealing with things is to switch off, as if they aren't happening or aren't important.

I already feel that his wife has had enough of him and his stubbornness to not deal with the situation, not doing anything to help himself, not doing chores around the house, him getting up when most of us are going to bed. It's a 2nd marriage and so she owns the house and whilst the kids get on well with him they are not his kids.

I think that this is a good thing. Sounds like his wife and family are able to be independent from your brother, and that she is free to make any decisions regarding him leaving the house should she need to

It sounds like he is very depressed. When you are anything can be overwhelming and you can just not be in a place to 'help yourself' or engage in help from others. Perhaps his wife could support him to go to the GP and take it from there.