Husband’s moods

[Francecat]

DH just stormed out because I asked him if he wanted to watch the latest Apprentice episode with me and DS. He’s really annoyed because we didn’t discuss what to watch together (bear in mind that it’s the middle of the afternoon, it’s not like we were choosing a film to watch in the evening…)

last week he got super annoyed because DS and I came home and as the floor was wet, I couldn’t go into the kitchen to make lunch. So I said to DS let’s finish that YouTube video we were watching. DH felt left out that DS and I were having chats and watching videos without him. So this week I made sure to invite him.

I think he’s jealous that DS (16) and I have a good relationship. He’s always picking fights with DS and of course I have to back DH up, even if I don’t agree (I make an effort to do this as it has been a big problem between us.) If DS answers back, DH says it’s all my fault because I don’t impose consequences. The problem is that DS isn’t insolent to me when DH isn’t around.

It’s driving me crazy. Now DH is banging around the house saying we live like we’re alone and he’s going to F off because no one wants him. I apologised for making him feel left out but that hasn’t helped. This happens regularly.

AIBU ??

Is her your ds father?

God he sounds like a stroppy teenager, not a grown adult and father. Storming out is just embarrassing.
I think I’d have to tell him to give his head a wobble because adults having tantrums about such minor incidents is ridiculous. If he’s genuinely struggling with feeling like a third wheel he needs to communicate that in a less hostile way. You and your son shouldn’t have to walk on eggshells to avoid poking the bear.

Stop apologising. He’s behaving appallingly and if he was mine he’d have had a massive bollocking by now.

He should F off as suggested. What a jealous little baby.

Yes he’s the dad of both my kids. I also have a DD (14) who’s not here this week. I also have a good relationship with DD and his relationship with her is much better than with DS (DD knows how to handle him)

Some adult men seem to compete with the young men in their household. It's pathetic.
Let him strop and walk out if he wants to. He's a grown man acting like a child, so unattractive.

I don't see why you can't stick up for DS if your DH is wrong. You are all a family, no one is more important than anyone else.

My god, get rid of this pathetic, idiot man baby. You and your children will be so much happier not living with this abuse.

Maybe tell him you’ll hang out with him more when he stops behaving like a rancid arsehole. Just a thought.

Your daughter should not have to "handle" her own father and his petulant moods. FFS. Yet another girl being conditioned to pander to an abusive man, and I'm sad to say she's learned this from you. You agree with your husband over your son even if he's clearly in the wrong. Why would you do this? What about your son's feelings?

By ‘handle’ do you mean coddle and ego-stroke?

His behaviour is entirely inappropriate and it’s time to tell him to fix up.

And why do you take his side if he’s wrong? It’s pathetic that he needs that.

That's so sad for your children.

Why are you siding with your husband over your son when you don't agree with him? How do you think that must make your son feel?

And it's actually sickening that your 14 yr old daughter knows how to "handle" your husband. What is this teaching her for future relationships?

When he says he's going to fuck off and leave, pack his bags for him and send him on his way!
Stop walking on eggshells around this massive man baby!

Dh is moody too, but I won't back him up if he's in the wrong. And I certainly don't apologise to him if he's behaving like a man child and nobody has done anything wrong. He invariably realises he's being a dick and apologises.

I've actually been reading about undiagnosed adhd adults and the kind of things they struggle with from a parenting perspective if one of the kids also has adhd (which is the case in our household).

Your dh could just be an abusive, jealous man child. But I mention the adhd angle as I recognise the moodiness. Could that be something, op?

Luckily, dh's good points far outweigh the bad, he works hard to rectify things. It can be exhausting though.

If you don't agree with him, don't undermine but don't back him up.

And your DD shouldn't be learning how to 'handle' difficult men

Let him fuck off. And I hope the door does hit him on the way out.

Stop appeasing

I agree with PPs.
What discussions have you had with him about his behaviour?
Has he taken any steps at all to try and behave like a grown-up?

Your DH is pathetic. I bet your son can’t wait to leave and start Uni. So sad for the kids. Why are you facilitating him abusing your son when you don’t agree with what he is doing?

DH just stormed out because I asked him if he wanted to watch the latest Apprentice episode with me and DS. He’s really annoyed because we didn’t discuss what to watch together

Read that again, op. It's just about the most ridiculous, pathetic thing I've ever read. Why in the fuck are you tolerating this nonsense? What a deplorable example this is setting for your kids. A grown man stomps out of the room because of a television program. If it wasn't so pathetic it would be laughable.

Thank you for your replies. It’s so good to read what I suspected - that’s he’s having a ridiculous tantrum and DS and I have done nothing wrong. When you live with someone who has up and down moods all the time, you start to question yourself. You’ve brought it home to me that I need to tell him to grow up and stop apologising (which I find myself doing so it will stop - even though it makes no difference.)

To the person who suggested adhd - yes I’m pretty sure he does have it. DD does too.

I'm glad you're seeing the light. Now also stop backing your DH when he's in the wrong. You don't have to undermine him, but you're allowed to state that you disagree and why. And if he doesn't handle that, it's time for him to ship out.

I would just go off on one and shout:

“well go on then, F off!!!!”

but that’s just me 😅

I completely get it with stroppy man baby partner but I do think storming out of the house over a TV show is very OTT

I would put my son over any man related or not, or at least try to be fair when you have to referee between them. But why should you have to do this? He seems like a man child I would be questioning why I was even with him… 🤷‍♀️