Unusual living arrangements with partner

[Nohopeforme91]

I had two children when I met my partner (primary school age) and we weren't in a rush to move in together. Had days out and sometimes he slept over. I then got pregnant with him (unplanned) as he was in the process of buying a house. Now our daughter is 18 months old and we still don't live together. My older two children sleep down their dads 3 days of the week and these days I sleep over my partner's with the toddler. We then do stuff as a family on weekends,half terms etc. He also spends some nights up where when the older two are with me. I'm just curious because this living arrangements works for us and so far all the children are great. The toddler hasn't known anything different and i enjoy my own space with the older children in my home. Does anyone else have unusual living arrangements?

Sounds perfect to me

If it works, it works. Good on you for even thinking to do things your own way, it’s very easy to do what’s conventional just because it’s conventional. If you’re all happy and all children’s needs are met then that’s all that matters.

Be careful if either of you claim benefits.....

They arnt doing anything wrong even if they both claim benefits. You don't have to live with your partner.

I don't live with my partner either. We have 3 children together. I don't sleep at his nor him at mine though as I only live over the road. Kids stay over night 50% or the time with me and 50% of the time with him. Works for us 🙂

Years ago I had a home visit to ask why I didn't live with the df of my ds... Very odd indeed... 15 years ago I was told by benefits I had to inform them if bf stayed over.. So I did religiously for a few weeks. They told me to stop ringing!!

Benefits need to change if you are allowed to claim for two housing situations while still in a relationship with the father of your children. This is wrong.

Would it work if you didn’t get benefits to supplement this lifestyle?

Just to add he's not claiming benefits and neither am I.

If it works for you both, and your kids are happy too, then it sounds like a great arrangement for you all.
Not everyone wants to live together.

Only one person can claim benefits for the children anyway, the person that claims the child benefit.

Moving away from the benefits q as the OP has clarified it's not relevant; no joint kids involved but DP and I have been together 8 years with no plans to cohabit. We can afford our separate homes and prefer the autonomy. We each help the other if there is a problem or a job that needs two people but I don't need a man in the house to take out the bins or check the doors are locked, and he doesn't need a woman to cook or iron his shirts for him. We're together solely because we want to be, not because we're tied by finances, which is how we both like it.

Two parents working together to provide for their children and not rely on any benefits instead of cheating the system is better for the children.

Living separately is a lifestyle choice and shouldn’t be funded by the tax payer if you are still in a relationship with the father of your children.

If you can afford to fund two houses without any benefits then that’s fine but claiming benefits while choosing to live like this is morally wrong.

Hopefully, benefits will change in the future and stop this loophole.

Are you looking after the toddler 24/7 and he gets a few days 'off' from parenting every week? Is that right?

That sounds absolutely perfect. If it works for you who cares what other people think.

What loophole?

Child benefit is for the children. Both parents are not getting it, and no cheating of the system is going on.

You can't force a couple to live together. I am on UC, and my DP is not. If we lived together, I would lose my benefit entitlement and be 100% reliant on him... which is not recommended.

I mean its an irrelevant question. We were going to break up as we were because our living situation had become incredibly toxic due to the strain of my disability. I am disabled. So whether we broke up or decided to live seperetly or whether we carried on living together and the situation fully broke and I had to move out anyway, currently I would still require benefits either way. I'd actually be claiming more benefits if we'd broke up because there's no way he would have helped me buy in a separation so I would have to claim housing element too in the event we had separated.

In the latter situation where we would have had to have seperated my children would not still have a family unit and probably would see me significantly less as I'm often to ill to care for them without his support. So you are basically saying that me not claiming a small amount of extra benefits is more important then their wellbeing 80% of my benefits I live on now I was already entitled to and already claimed when were living together. It's not cheating the system. I am entitled to what I currently receive. The benefits office know my full health and living circumstances. There is no cheating going on.

So basically all you are really saying is that because I am disabled I should either have to a, live in a situation that had become toxic and harmful to me and my children should live in that situation because I couldn't afford otherwise or b, not have a loving relationship with my children's father where we have the emotional space to support each other in a way that works for us and most importantly our children...all because you are mad i get a very low income from benefits. I mean ok... That's just bitter tbh.

And yes it would work if I wasn't disabled and didn't have to claim some benefits because I'd just be able to work and live here instead.

Living together is a lifestyle choice too, not the default.

Being in a relationship with someone doesn't have to be all or nothing. As long as everyone is claiming benefits they are entitled to by being entirely upfront about the situation, then how is it anyone else's business?

Sounds bloody great to me.