My dad has always been a decent father but a bad husband. Not physically but emotionally, verbally and I suspect financially abusive. Even as a child I knew it wasn't right but I didn't speak up. Didn't take my mum's side. Whenever they had an argument (and by that I mean my dad yelling and my mum shushing him so we kids don't hear) I'd lock myself in the bathroom and cry like an idiot.
I don't think a child can or should be expected to speak up for their parents and I'd never expect this from my own kids but I didn't tell my dad he was wrong when I was older either. It's only recently that I've started speaking up. Maybe for the last 5-6 years. Telling him he needs to treat my mum well. I wish I'd said something earlier. I wish I'd told my mum that it was OK to get divorced. Or that it would have been OK to escalate the argument and shout back rather than put up with everything.
Now my mum is old and broken. They both are. I'm so angry. Angry with my dad. Angry with a society that teaches women to put up with so much crap. Angry with most men for being selfish and self centred. Angry with my husband for being less than perfect. I'm angry with my mum for not standing up to my dad. And most of all I'm angry with myself for not having protected her. For not having tried hard enough to make her life better.
I know I'm bu. I should have done more earlier. What's the point of crying about spilled milk now. I'm trying to do what I can for my mum now but what's the point?? I should have done it earlier.