I feel like I'm taking the piss (future bereavement)

[minieggsaremyworld]

I'll preface this by saying that I am a very anxious people pleaser, so accept that my judgement can be skewed by this.

My dad is dying and we were told last week that he was reaching the end, and prepare for him to go in two or three days. He lives about 70 miles away from me so I have been off work this week to be with him at home.

He's had really awful days, some good days and some mixed. The last two days have seemed a bit better and this is where I'm worrying.

I've been mentally preparing for him to die this week, and I love that he's still with us and I've been able to spend this time with him. But I don't know what to do for next week now.

Is it taking the piss to take more time off when I don't know that his death is imminent any more? I have a very public-facing job which requires me to be 'on it' and I just think I'd break down in tears the second anyone was challenging (which happens often) plus I'd worry that he'd die before I could get there if he suddenly worsened.

When my Dad was dying I was signed off with stress and anxiety (which was true, I couldn’t do my job as I was out of my mind with stress and anxiety).

I’m sorry you’re going through this 💐

Please stay with him

I took 2 weeks off when a close family member died. My colleague who lost her dad has been off for a month.

I appreciate some employers are more understanding than others, but please don’t offer to go back, tell them you need more time.

Same happened with my dad OP. I was on compassionate leave but dad lingered so I went to the GP and got signed off with stress. The fact I burst into tears as soon as I tried talking to the doctor helped!

I hope your dad has a peaceful passing 💐

Just explain to your doctor and they'll sign you off with whatever they think is best. Maybe family stress x

I was in exactly the same situation with my dad- and we were living at the opposite end of the country too. My dad's GP signed me off for 2 weeks for stress.

If I was on your team I would be happy to cover for you in these circumstances and I think most people feel the same.

Was in your position at Easter with my gran.
stay with your dad.
If I were your employer I would not want you at work, with respect. I’d want you with your family. There is no way you can perform well anyway.
God bless you and your dad OP. So so sorry.

Get signed off. I've covered for colleagues in this situation plenty of times and never resented it.

I work in HR and if you were one of our employees we'd insist you stay off work. You can take holiday, unpaid leave, your company may give compassionate leave (paid or unpaid) or you can get signed off by your GP 💐 big hugs I know how devastating it is, you really shouldn't be at work xx

Take the time. Some things are more important than work and believe me, no one is indispensable.

Definitely get signed off, especially if you’re a teacher or something where the pressure to always be present is huge. This time is drop in the ocean in the normal world but it could mean so much to you personally.

I've just been through this with my mum. Take the time to be with your dad. Although it was awful knowing my mum was dying, I'm just so grateful I got to spend every day of that last week with her.

Stay. Even if he lasts a bit longer than expected you won't get this time back and take the time off. It is absolutely not taking the piss to be with your dying father.

The other thing is that people often rally just before the end, the fact that he's doing better could mean he's got longer or he's nearly there. Please don't worry about anyone else other than your df and the time you have left with him. I'm also so sorry that you're losing him, be kind to yourself and don't give a thought to anyone or anything that isn't to do with you and your family.

Phone your GP explain you are caring for an actively dying parent and you are unable to work. They will sign you off. My dad died last year and I made this call whilst he was bossing me around about cleaning out the hoover. He died 3 days later. Be with him now it's the right thing to do.

Get signed off. My DH had this last year. Thought FIL would go in 24 hours but he pulled through for another 5 weeks. DH did not regret taking the time off and be with his dad, it has really helped in his grieving process that he was there at the end.

I’m a GP and have often written sick notes for people in your position. This would be a completely normal request for your GP.
I usually put ‘family stress’ and change it to ‘bereavement’ when needed. 💐

Your dad needs you to be there for him as much as you need to be with him. It's impossible to predict the day/ time of death so work will understand that this is not negotiable.

As for being essential; they'll cope. Just as they do when you're off sick or on AL. What do you think they'll do when you retire or, heaven forfend, pushing up your own daisies.

I say this with kindness and gently, Op, but why are you giving any
headspace to worrying about work? Get signed off and put work out of your head. Even if yout dad is still with you in a week or 3 weeks, your place is with hm and you will regret it if you just worry about work. Nobody is indispensable in theie job, they will cope but dads are irreplaceable and you won't get this time back. Take care of yourself too at this time Op and be kind to yourself, get plenty of rest.