I posted a similar thread on chat last night but thought I'd post it here too as I still need to sort it in my head so I'd welcome some perspective. I don't think either of us are being particlarly unreasonable but it's just a bit tangled in my brain.
Found out that dh has been looking at some fairly hardcore porn online. Not really had a problem with his interest in porn before, its been fairly soft magazines- as far as I know- and I found it mildly amusing (predictable unimaginative stuff) that made me think of him as a hormonal teenager thrapping away merrily in his bedroom hoping his mum wouldn't catch him. We've looked at some of it together in the past, and some films a friend of his lent him. So he knows I've not got upset about it before.
Our sex life has taken a bit of a nose dive recently however, down to me- I'm pregnant with dc2, hormonal, been v sick in hospital with hyperemesis lots etc and my libido has taken flight. It's been mercy shags on a sunday morning at the most. He knows I feel sad about this, we're normally quite a lusty couple, but at the same time I just really don't want to do it.
Finding the list of search phrases used recently on our laptop really shocked me. (Espedcially as I was on the Ikea website and a drop down list on storage brought up a whole lot more solutions than I expected- would be funny if I wasn't so upset!) I thought they were just "cookies" or summat (no really sure on techie stuff) and not things that he'd actually entered but when he said that they were I burst into tears.
I feel so useless and inadequate, and still not really sure of what else it is I'm feeling. We've talked about it a little bit but I can't stop crying when we do so its not really productive and I don't know what to do.
The fact that he was honest and said that he had entered the phrases makes me realise that he honestly wasn't being shifty or anything, he really hadn't thought I would have a problem with it and didn't expect me to react how I have. That's comforting a bit as I know he wasn't doing it knowing it would hurt me if I found out.
I've said to dh that what I really need is for him to reassure me that the type of stuff he was looking at is not what he's hankering after when we have sex, and that it's just "stuff" he' looking at rather than feeling he's missing out on at home iyswim. But he hasn't, which of course makes me worry that it actually is what he wants and that I am never going to be enough. He just got really defensive even though I've tried hard not to be accusatory, and I guess that is what makes me feel really .
I've namechanged for this as even though I'm not a well known poster, dh knows my normal user name (I didn't think we had secrets ) - it's a pet name we use for each other.
Not really sure why I'm posting, I know porn has been done to death on MN but just feel really betrayed, like I don't really know who dh is/wants
Is it my hormones blowing this out of all propotion?