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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be totally fecked off with dh.

11 replies

frootloop · 22/03/2008 09:55

we have a 5 week old ds and im doing 100% of the child care.

im the nappy changer, im the feeder, im the one getting up a million times a night while dh gets a good nights sleep in the spare room.

and what do i hear from dh when i ask him to help??????
"did you think parenting would be a walk in the park"
"im tired too, i have to go to work, its not fair i should have to look after the baby too" (he sits at a desk all bloody day, hardly hard graft)

all this when i'm so tired and worn out i cant lift the baby safely.

and when he does look after the baby so i can have a shower the house fills up with the stench of burning martyrs. im seriously thinking of going home to mums.

OP posts:

camillathechicken · 22/03/2008 09:57

"its not fair i should have to look after the baby too"

did he really say 'it's not fair'

how old is he?

did he not realsie that parenting would not be a walk in teh park and that it is his baby too

TheHedgeWitch · 22/03/2008 09:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

TurkeyLurkey · 22/03/2008 09:59

No you are NBU!!!! Feel really for you.

Tell him to shift his lazy arse and help out. Have you explained to him how sad and worn out you are about it?

hercules1 · 22/03/2008 09:59

Could he be having a problem adjusting and/or finding it very scary? What's he like otherwise?

Dottydot · 22/03/2008 10:00

Can you get your mum to come and stay for a week or so at yours?

The first 6 weeks are sheer hell and it doesn't matter if you're both Wonder Parents, you still end up hating each other...

How is it at weekends - does he take ds at all? have you managed to get out of the house on your own yet?

I walked out and left home when ds2 was a few weeks old! Dumped him in dp's arms (who is utterly wonderful by the way and was doing tons and tons of the childcare) and marched out. Got as far as the bench down the road and sat there for half an hour - was fab. Went home again though..!

Maybe telling your dh you need to go out and have a walk/do some shopping/get your hair cut for an hour or something - and escape for a bit of you time (sneak off for a coffee with magazine, obviously).

DevilwearsPrada · 22/03/2008 10:01

I think you should have a talk with him if he still doesn't pull his weight go home to your mums. YANBU.

moodymammy · 22/03/2008 10:06

Go home to your mums for some tlc, you're still getting over the birth and you need help. Every new mum does!
Your dh needs a kick up the arse. When i had ds in october my dh couldn't do enough to help me, he wanted too because ds is his child too! We now each take turns at the weekend to have a lie in and the other person gets up with ds. You're a team and need to work together. What does your dh do at the weekend when he isn't working? (unless he works weekends that is!)How can he see you run ragged and not help? grrrrrr
You could try leaving him with the baby for a few hours but then if he hasn't got a clue what he's doing that maybe not a good idea.
Sorry this post isn't much help, men with this attitude make me so mad. A friend of dh left his wife and day old baby and went to a hotel for a week because he "couldn't cope". He came back but thankfully the wife saw what a useless fecker he was and they divorced.
I'm not saying your dh is a useless fecker by the way and definitely not advocating divorce but I do suggest that you ask your dh to grow a pair of bollocks and be a man.

Original poster

frootloop · 22/03/2008 12:03

had a bit of a break this morning.

dh does take ds, but he normally comes to me 30mins later with a howling ds saying "he won't stop crying" so thats about the only break i usually get.

mum came down for a few weeks after the birth as i had an emergency cesarean, so im finding it realy hard at the mo, especially as ds loves kicking my scar so its taking ages to heal, i can only just manage a walk to the corner shop.
mum lives in norfolk and im in surrey so its not so easy for her to pop down, or vice versa.

ive said to dh that he has to help more or i will take ds to mums. dh knows how homesick i am so he knows that if i go i might not want to go back home to him.

i blame dhs mother for making him useless, she did everything for him.

OP posts:

CarGirl · 22/03/2008 12:06

well you need to retrain your dh but he does have to be willing to retrain IYSWIM! It can be done!

TheAntiFlounce · 22/03/2008 12:26

Leave him to it. If you can't stand the smell of burning martyr, put a peg on your nose.

My ex used to get whiny after being in his friend's company - his friend being a lazy dickhead who left his wife to do everything, and as a result his daughter wouldn't go anywhere near him.

Remind your DH that thwe groundwork starts here. You can't put it off until they are big and jolly and roly poly - because if you don't do the groundwork, they won't like you.

posieflump · 22/03/2008 12:32

Has your dh got any mates with small children?
Or have you got any male friends who can tell him how much they do at home?
It worked a treat with my dh - I'm the youngest of four so had 3 siblings who had been through it already. I kept saying to dh 'well BIL puts kids to bed every night', 'dbrother takes the baby off SIL every evening when he comes in so she can chill' etc ect
Sometimes actually speling it out plain and clear helps.
Also why is he in the spare room? If you all sleep in the same room he can change nappies, bring the baby to you while you are in bed waiting to feed.

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