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AIBU?

Grandparents help with newborn - timing

22 replies

FirstTimeMum887 · 08/02/2024 20:59

When did you wish you had an extra pair of hands with a newborn?

I am having my first baby in July. We live abroad, a good 18 hour journey from home so expensive and need to plan ahead. My mum is an angel and my parents want to come help after baby is born, they can stay for about a month. Question is: when do you think I'll most need them? Right from the beginning? Should they book for around my due date or should they book to come when baby would be a few weeks / a month / a few months old? DH gets 2 weeks paternity leave.

Where we live is a luxury holiday destination and flights last minute are 4-5k so need to plan in advance! I am also the first of my friends to have a baby so I don't have anyone to ask!

My parents are great and will be super helpful, I have no worries around that! Wish they were around the corner!

I am shamelessly posting in AiBU for traffic, before anyone asks what my AIBU is.

OP posts:
Sonora25 · 08/02/2024 21:01

I liked having time with my DH and baby as a little family unit and to get to know baby. I would book them tickets for about 4 weeks after due date. And enjoy the 2 weeks with your DH at home and settle in with baby.

mynameiscalypso · 08/02/2024 21:02

My SIL had a baby about two weeks ago. Her mum also lives overseas and is coming at the end of next week once my DB comes to the end of his paternity leave. My SIL's mum is lovely but a real worrier/fusser so I can totally see why my SIL didn't want her there immediately but actually when she'd need an extra pair of hands.

Sonora25 · 08/02/2024 21:02

Now I do wonder where you live 😝 (“luxury holiday destination”)

Allywill · 08/02/2024 21:02

I would aim to have them come when your husband returns to work. If they will have to book in advance appreciate it won’t be exact science. Maybe aim for 3 weeks after your due date - first babies tend to run late (on average)

tealandteal · 08/02/2024 21:02

I would say 3-4 weeks after your due date. I wouldn’t want them there in the first two weeks when you are getting used to being a new family and 3-4 weeks is still young enough for newborn snuggles for them.

LyndaSnellsSniff · 08/02/2024 21:05

When DS1 was born, my parents had arranged to visit approx 2 weeks after his due date. My thinking was we'd have 2 weeks to settle down a bit and adapt before having visitors. I also asked them to stay elsewhere as we had a tiny house.

However, DS was 2 weeks late so they all arrived at about the same time!

I'd advise giving yourselves a few weeks before they arrive.

Good luck and congratulations!

Justbecause19 · 08/02/2024 21:06

Personally I want my mum there from when I bring the baby home. I didn't do it with DC1 as I wanted the time as a family, but my DH was useless and my anxiety levels shot up. I had her to stay in the few days after I had DC2 and 3 and was much happier.

Windydaysandwetnights · 08/02/2024 21:11

You have a dh and are having 1 dc. You really don't need 2 more adults under your roof for a month.

FlyingHighFlyingLow · 08/02/2024 21:16

I had my first in December, DH amazing, did his share and took longer off. Baby also almost 2 weeks late. It was 5/6 weeks in that it got really tough for me. DH back at work, baby suddenly very fussy, waking every hour wanting food, refusing naps. It was bad and that's when I'd want help!

FirstTimeMum887 · 08/02/2024 21:18

Thanks! They were going to book my due date but you are echoing my thoughts actually and to book for a month after. DH is a good one, very helpful (so far at least haha), so I think having a few weeks just the two of us will be perfect.

OP posts:
Lizzieregina · 08/02/2024 21:19

I managed fine on my own with a newborn and loved it being just the three of us, so I’d wait till baby is 4-6 weeks and hopefully you’ll be feeling good and might have gotten over the establishing of BFing if you plan on doing that.

FirstTimeMum887 · 08/02/2024 21:21

@Sonora25 an island! Which in practice is a bitch. A simple little baby romper that costs £15 in the UK, is $100 here. Visits have to be booked 6 months in advance. Don't get me started on the costs of giving birth, it will make you sick.

We're moving back to the UK next year!

OP posts:
Ihaterhymingrabbit · 08/02/2024 21:24

I think four weeks after due date is a great idea.

I don’t know what you’re like with privacy and feeling like shit but I would have hated my mum and dad being here in the first 2 weeks when I was struggling to go the toilet due to post birth constipation (it’s a thing) and being scared of tearing my stitches. I dominated the bathroom most of the week after coming home from hospital.

Throw in trying to establish breastfeeding (if you want to :))being extremely hormonal etc and I just wanted peace and DP.

BendingSpoons · 08/02/2024 21:26

Yes wait a bit. You might go overdue and you will have your DH in the early days. My low point was around week 5/6 when I was really tired and DH was long back at work.

Ihaterhymingrabbit · 08/02/2024 21:26

FirstTimeMum887 · 08/02/2024 21:21

@Sonora25 an island! Which in practice is a bitch. A simple little baby romper that costs £15 in the UK, is $100 here. Visits have to be booked 6 months in advance. Don't get me started on the costs of giving birth, it will make you sick.

We're moving back to the UK next year!

Wow! Hopefully they will bring a spare suitcase for you full of baby things 🤣♥️

awww congrats, it’s such an exciting time!

Overthebow · 08/02/2024 21:26

Yes I’d also go for 4 weeks after due date, as you won’t know the exact day of birth and your DH has 2 weeks off. A very new newborn is also the easiest part as they sleep most of the time, a month in when they’re more aware is starting to get a bit harder.

CurlewKate · 08/02/2024 21:29

I was as high as a kite and felt like superwoman for the first 4 weeks. It was after my dp went back to work that I needed my mum.

doilooklikeicare · 08/02/2024 21:43

4 weeks after due date with a suitcase of baby stuff

mitogoshi · 08/02/2024 21:45

I was in a similar situation and my parents booked for a month after my due date so dd would have been at least 2 weeks old, in fact she was born on her due date

mitogoshi · 08/02/2024 21:47

(Minus the luxury holiday destination! Think major us city)

Maryamlouise · 08/02/2024 21:50

My mum came at 3 weeks after and agree with PP that it is a good time so you can settle into things yourselves a bit first then get a break with some practical help and support a little time in.

theresnolimits · 08/02/2024 21:52

I was you. 6000 miles away. We had a month with just the 3 of us (DH returned to work after a day). Mum and Dad came out after a month and stayed for 3 weeks.

I needed to build up my confidence and didn’t want someone else to take over.

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