To never feel relaxed around my children

[Namechangeforthiss]

I know it sounds awful but I just don’t. I’m constantly on edge waiting for one of them to wake up from sleep/naps, and counting down to the next:
Meal
School drop off
School pick up
Bedtime
Tantrum
Cold
Demand

When you get a brief window of not needing to do anything for them I’m constantly having to remind them not to break something or injure themselves.

Yes they are both 4 and under but still, my whole body is constantly tense and I can’t remember when I last felt truly relaxed.

I empathise. Mine are 11 and 12 and I still have this, I’m afraid! I only relax when I am away for the weekend. Don’t then have to think about food, lifts , homework, showers, sports, etc etc.

How much time do you get to have time to yourself, with no work, no household work, and someone else in charge of the kids?

I had my second child when my first one was three and a half. Two little kids at once is stressful and tiring, but it’ll probably get better in eighteen months or so.

Sounds like normal life with kids tbh I have 4 and it’s relentless not any better now they are older

My oldest is almost 10 and I still feel like this. Currently undertaking CBT as it's become so debilitating. God, it's tough at times, isn't it 😓

I remember that feeling.... sympathy OP!

Can you introduce some relax time for all of you? Something simple like a bit of yoga (cosmic kids does good yoga for kids)? I find it works best after we’ve done something active, but it’s a nice way to relax a bit while they join in. Or perhaps a walk and then a quiet time with some music and colouring or similar on cushions? Some sort of time designed to be quiet and relaxing. Obviously it doesn’t work every time, but I find trying to introduce a bit of quiet time can be helpful for everyone.

Saying that, we haven’t had time for it in a while, but the moment we do, I’ll be reintroducing it. Definitely planning some in half term.

Gosh OP, I hadn't realised I felt like this but you have summed it all up so well. Mine are almost 9 and 6 and I constantly feel on edge, I never ever feel relaxed :(

I find this quite sad to read, I'm so sorry that so many of year feel that way. I remember feeling a bit like this when DS was a newborn but he's 4.5 now and while I generally have half an eye on him in case he decides to suddenly climb up a bookcase and have to hustle him a bit in the morning so we leave for school on time, I don't feel on edge at all. We just potter around together, I'll put together some food at regular intervals and make sure he's reminded to use the toilet if he's busy playing but that's it really. It does probably help that I only have one though!

I'm the same.

I feel like most of parenting is waiting until the next job is due.

I wish I could bunch all the day's tasks into one session in the morning and have the rest of the day free, but alas, mealtimes and bedtimes etc just don't work like that!

Gosh, this is me. I was just thinking this today. I’m OK with each of them individually, but together, my stress levels are off the charts. Especially days when DP commutes so it’s all on me. I actually had my blood pressure checked recently and it was high enough for an appointment; the GP said, “Actually, what this looks like is a state of tension over having small children.”

DD is nearly 5 and I feel relaxed about her but when DS1 is in the mix, aaargh. Or when it’s just him, aaargh. The two of them together just need stuff constantly and always at the same time and looking after one enrages the other and I can feel my jaw clench just typing aaargh

I think it’s that there’s so much to do, you just get into the ‘right what’s next’ mentality. I’m like that anyway so it’s worse.

Mine is particularly noticeable when it’s something like going to the beach. I’m so fixated on getting everyone to the beach that twenty minutes in, I get twitchy. Like I’ve ticked that off now and we should be doing something else.

I also think it depends on if you’re a ‘go with the flow and pick up the pieces when it goes wrong’ parent (DH) or a ‘plan and pre-empt and keep it running smoothly’ parent (me).

My kids are a bit older (youngest is 6) and I never feel relaxed around them either. If they aren’t all squabbling and being rude to each, they are playing something really loudly and messily which I have to ignore until it’s time to tidy up knowing that we will then be having a lengthy stand off about the tidying up. Even if we do a relaxing activity like a movie night it ends in chaos and no one really enjoys it.

I’m a single parent now so I do get eow child free and my brain gets a chance to relax a little which has made such a difference, before I separated from my partner I’d never had a break from them in 10 years! I love spending time with them individually, it’s just when all 3 are together it makes me feel on edge.

Do you get child free time op? Can you work with DH to get some time out?