To just want a day off

[Hatfrog99]

So for background I am close to my parents and always have been but over the last few years they have depended on me more and more. I work full time have 3 children (youngest SEN) and have not had the best health myself. Both parents are early 60’s still holidaying abroad, driving, out and about daily and work part time.
but the demands on me grow every day- paying every bill, looking at holiday, ordering stuff on line, fixing stuff and I am exhausted. I am currently home sick with strep throat and have urgent frantic calls as dads payment card machine isn’t working, they need to order pants for holiday, bills need paying, airport parking needs to be done etc etc. they seem to think starting the message with ‘I know your busy BUT’ is fine, I just don’t know how to say no as if I don’t drop everything and go round they come and sit here for hours

You need to start pushing back and saying I can’t do that now. I come over on Saturday afternoon and I can have a look at it then. They’re relying on you because got keep doing it for them.

Tell them to go on a ‘silver surfers’ internet course.

Good grief why aren’t they doing that shit themselves!

I’m early 60s and I take care of all my own business including managing investment accounts and definitely planning my own holidays!

You need to give them some lessons on how to do it and make them independent.

I have spent hours showing them how to use it and it has had absolutely no effect. The pants issue was they found the website but couldn’t change colours I explained for 15 mins to click on the colour circles before deciding it was less time consuming to just do it myself.

If they don’t know how to do that stuff they need to learn. My DM is 74 and up until DF passed away 3 years ago she had never dealt with a thing!! Nothing!! Days after dad passed DSis and I had to trawl through their bank statements sorting Direct debits out.
Fast forward to now DM has got an iPad, a smart phone and can do internet banking. She can browse the internet (clothes etc) but isn’t confident enough yet to buy. She waits until DSis or I are at our house, she doesn’t ever put us out ( not that it ever would! We adore her)

I think you just need to stop doing it. I am approaching mid 50s and I cannot imagine losing the ability to do any of the things you mention over the next few years.

My mil was like this but mid 50s, literally nothing wrong with her but pretended she couldn't do anything without us.

In the end we had to just be cruel to be kind and tell her she was able to do it herself she just didn't want too... now it's rare she rings us for "help"

Your parents are the same age as myself and husband. They both are able to work. Tell them they need to sort themselves out - and they need to do it now (the longer they leave it, the worse it will get).

Early 60s?! That is the same age as my parents, and they manage to do all that stuff just fine.

My mum used to ask me to do basic stuff for her, and I'd show her how to do it or if she kept asking tell her to Google it as it would have the same answers I would. My dad doesn't use computers every day for work like that, he just learned how to use them for things like this. Your parents can do the same, or they'll have to go without doing stuff (or they can go to an adult computer literacy class if you have any local to you). This learned incompetence will only get worse unless you stop enabling it.

they haven’t lost the ability they have just never had the ability - neither have had jobs that use computers and while DM has a smart phone and iPad and DF has a laptop