To back off from the friendship

[SquidwardsHopesAndDreams]

Hi everyone, I think I've made up my mind but could still do with some reassurance/validation.

I've been friends with a guy for almost a decade. At the beginning of the friendship I think I was 17/18 and he was 23/24. I had strong feelings for him and because of his actions, I thought they were reciprocated (spending a lot of time together, holding hands, getting me small gifts). However, after all the time spent together, he completely changed his mind and I had experienced my first 'heartbreak'. It took a while for me to speak to him again as friends but eventually, we had a good, strong friendship.

Fast forward to this time last year, I was 24 and he was 31. We started to hang out more and I was really enjoying our time together but I remained under the impression that we were just friends hanging out. After a couple of months of us hanging out he asks "how would you feel about us dating?" I said I was quiet neutral and would see how things go. He told me he could see us together and had thought about marriage.

Long story short, the same thing as before has happened again. We went on dates, held hands, he got me little gifts etc and he's just changed his mind again. He's contacting me less frequently and so I hardly hear from him.

He messaged me last night and I said "it was nice to hear from you, we should meet soon" and he indirectly told me he doesn't want to, he said "but I'm right here" meaning via text. He's used this method of response before so I just said alright. He then back peddled and said "yes, we'll meet soon"

I'm not going to embarrass myself and beg for a friendship and I am happy to back away from him, it's just disappointing that the friendship was going so well and due to his indecisiveness once again, it's fizzling out.

@ILoveMyCatButHesAPervert @Kaleidoscope2 I just feel like I've almost been mislead. I can't imagine why he wanted to be friends with me when we were 17. I'm 25 now, I'm glad we weren't in a relationship otherwise I would have been a lot more hurt. Tbh, I'm feeling more angry than upset. The fact that he's distancing himself from me as if I've done anything. To make matters worse, he sent me a text of all of the places he's going with his friends, almost like he's trying to rub it in my face because we haven't seen eachother for almost 2 months

He's totally misled you, he's kept you on the back burner in case nothing better comes along. Don't be his fall back woman OP, you're worth more than that.

Be strong, bin him off and when he inevitably comes crawling back, which he will, please don't allow him back in. Find someone who deserves you

You were mislead. Hugely and at a young age. Dig into that anger. It is absolutely a healthy reaction.

At the age you were, OP, it's almost inevitable that you would get drawn in. That's why he went for a young girl.

I'll tell you and @Kaleidoscope2 that I was forty fucking one when this first happened to me. I am that much of a naive twat. And then I did it again hahaha!

He's been messing you about for years, probably just to boost his own ego, just delete his details and move on.

He's texted me this evening and tbh I'm annoyed that he even bothered. It feels audacious

@SquidwardsHopesAndDreams

Tbh, I'm feeling more angry than upset. The fact that he's distancing himself from me as if I've done anything. To make matters worse, he sent me a text of all of the places he's going with his friends, almost like he's trying to rub it in my face because we haven't seen eachother for almost 2 months

Wait until your anger develops into indifference OP - that will be even better for you. 🌹

Thank you 💕
I spoke to my mom about this and she said it seemed funny how he decided to text me yesterday when he knew I was going out with a friend. Almost like he was "checking in".

This reminded me of your thread. Not sure if this is a similar dynamic, but he may well try this sort of shit as you move on:

x.com/thequirkypastor/status/1755750780936532172?s=46&t=lVt-WH-GcsPlMCKrCR4ukg

That was a really good read, thank you. If he ever texts me again I'm going to see if it's anything like this. However, a few weeks ago he did give me the "I don't wanna lose you as a friend" bs I guess to try and keep me around

Holding hands and gifts, would not be most guys of that age’s MO are you sure he’s not gay ,
seems odd tbh