Play-date issue!

[Parentslife]

So my 8 year old son has just moved schools because we wanted him to have more friends.
He was in a tiny, rural school of 28 kids so outgrew it. For context, he’s already socially well adjusted from extracurricular activities and the move has been successful. He’s made friends quickly but especially with one boy, who appears to be a really nice kid.

They hit it off and after 6 weeks, now refer to each other as best friends.
Then I met the Mum at a school event and there’s no easy way to say it, but although very nice, she’s extremely over the top and intense, aka crazy.

My son came home today and excitedly told me that the boy had invited him over tomorrow.
The Mum messaged me and told me she’d pick both of them straight up from school and I could collect him a few hours later.

Now I don’t even have her address or know her at all, so explained I’d be more than happy to drop him off after school and pick him up later.
I asked for the address and she’s ghosted the message!

Am I being unreasonable to not let another Mum pick my son up and take him to a home I’ve never been to?
Is this weird or would you be OK with it?

Thanks!

Nope I would not be ok with it! Would at the very least need to have their address to know where they were.

YANBU surely she can't pick him up (I.e the school won't release him to her) without your permission anyway? Just make sure you're there for pick up and say to her 'sorry you didn't reply and I'm here now, how about I pop over to yours too since we've never been there and we can have a coffee and a chat whilst the boys play?" And be insistent.

Thank you! Great advice.
Technically the school shouldn’t release him but the school doesn’t watch where any of the kids go. It’s pretty bad now I come to think of it. We’re in a very safe area so perhaps the attitudes are way too relaxed including this Mum’s

I'd probably say to the school they need to check he's going to you. You could also phone her rather than wait for a message reply today and say hey I need your address but for the first playdate I'd also like to come along - you can frame it that you'd like to get to know her better too if that makes you more comfortable. Or do that at pick-up instead I'd you'd prefer.

Yes, just be there before pickup time so you can intercept if need be. I would give her a minute the message you back, though!
also chuckling at the idea of an 8 year old outgrowing a school 😁 especially as he has lots of friends from extracurricular activities. Moving him from such a small school was a bold choice, OP!

It’s generally the unspoken rule to get back to someone fairly quickly if you’re trying to make new friends.
True she might get back to me in the morning, I was more concerned with her picking my son up and taking him to her home.
Just wanted to know if this was normal. Because we’ve been at a small school it’s very different.

I really like that - I think it’s a nice way of putting it to get to know her better too. Thank you

She told you to pick your son up. She was going to give you the address. I'm not sure what the drama is?

she’s extremely over the top and intense, aka crazy

In what way is she 'crazy'?

What is "over the top aka crazy" mean?

Frankly, around here, if I've met the parent and a playdate is arranged, it's completely normal for one parent to pick both kids up after school. In fact, that's practically a key benefit to playdates - you don't have to do the school run!

having said that, there's always that one parent who is a bit more nervous etc, and sure, I'd be accommodating of that but at the same time, as my DC have got older, I make it very clear that I'm not around for chit chat with the parent - the DCs are having a play date, we provide snacks/drinks and dinner if appropriate but otherwise they are doing their thing and I'm working.

I'd want to know where my child was before it's time to collect him, she might not have given the address until pick up time

Yep he’ll wait for me but I’ll definitely be there just in case.
And it’s 10pm where I am (not UK) so it’s been a while since the message.
Moving him was a very difficult decision - loved the tiny school but had no peers his own age so quite lonely 😞 Most of his extracurricular friends are at the town school.

Can you explain what crazy and intense to you mean? And why then she has a lovely son who is best friend with yours?

It’s 10pm where I am (not UK)

I dont actually think the other mum did anything wrong in offering to pick up straight from school. I've done this many a time! I'd usually include my address in the original message but I don't think shes intense or crazy for this... unless I'm intense and crazy too!

Exactly that. It can happen. Lovely child, crazy Mum.
Son seems confident, charming and kind. Mum was overly dramatic, super animated.