Very concerned about my DC's online activity

[pinkzebra02]

This has been going on for a while now, but I'm starting to be really worried with my DC's use of the internet. DC has access to screens between 5-7pm every day. They also visit their friend's house where I know the friend has their own screen in the bedroom with online access. I'm worried about what DC is seeing online, especially as they have started using bad language. So I can't monitor everything, especially as I often WFH in the evenings.

Do you have any tips for keeping kids safe online even when you can't directly monitor it. DC is 10 BTW.

In my experience there is more bad language in the playground than online.

You can monitor everything. You just need to do it.

Don't give them access if you can't monitor it and don't let them go round to the friends house unless you know their parents are monitoring.

If you can’t directly monitor their online access then they shouldn’t have having online access.

2 hours a day is a lot of time, especially unsupervised and at such a young age.

Your question is quite vague, without knowing your online set-up.

Do you have all the usual safe search filters etc? When you say "screens" do you mean a laptop or a mobile device with Instagram etc? What social media networks is your child allowed on?

I would say 2 hours of internet time is a LOT for that age. An hour of gaming or watching tv is fine. No primary school aged child needs 2 hours of browsing online, really. I just wouldn't allow any devices at all, and only allow gaming/watching tv in a "public" family space.

Also, what are you seeing in their search history? What have you blocked etc?

If he's got to 10 without learning bad language I think you've done quite well.

That said if he's got full adult access to YouTube etc on his screens I'd be locking that down asap.

And you can - and must - monitor absolutely everything.

Of course you cannot. Unless you never get your child out of your sight.

You need to take away the screens (as in internet access) unless you are present to supervise or have set the appropriate privacy settings. You may also need to restrict what friends they can spend time with if you have genuine concerns they are getting into things they shouldn't. I have been appalled by what my dc (also 10) has been able to access via friends. By that, I mean a 10 year old friend posting quite adult content on tiktok, snapchatting randoms, being followed on social media (no privacy settings) by all sorts of pervs, etc.

We had only very limited access to the internet on a tablet with privacy settings in place, but she found a way around those settings when things got messed up in setting up a new device. She isn't allowed to have social media (like snapchat or tiktok) but her friends are and she was able to view things through their accounts and devices.

I wasn't happy with what I was seeing and how it changed her behaviour, so tablet has gone away entirely. I limit her time with the one particularly problematic friend who has no adult supervision at home. It's made a massive difference and her behaviour is back to normal now. They can watch tv or read or draw or whatever. They don't need the internet to entertain themselves for a few hours.

Of course you can. If you know how you can interrogate everything that’s been accessed. If your child has set up
a vpn it’s a bit harder but I’d be somewhat surprised if a 10 year old would do that.

the easiest way is to look at their browser history but it’s possible to interrogate the traffic coming in and out.

personally I think 10 is too young to have unsupervised access and I certainly wouldn’t allow a computer in a 10 year olds room.

These are all sensible precautions. Then they go to other homes.....

We can put safeguards in place, but it is foolish to imagine that you can control everything.

You can’t control what goes in n in other homes BUT you can let them know what you find acceptable and not. Eg my 15 year old has a friend who has gta and CoD. These are 18+ and I’ve made it very clear that I would prefer him not to access them and I can only trust that he doesn’t. IMO it’s the rules within the family that are important. He may well access it behind my back but he knows that the themes within them are not themes that we condone.

honestly if I thought he was accessing that sort of material at 10 I wouldn’t have let him round that house.

I wouldn't be happy for children to have personal devices at this age. One computer/laptop in a family room with appropriate privacy settings should at least limit what they are exposed to.
You can't control what happens outside of your home though and I would focus on measured discussions around content rather than outright ban on friends/sleepovers etc.

I have my kids logged into my YouTube account. Every so often, I go through their watch history, partly to check what they are watching, and partly to "curate" it, by removing videos that could start to move the algorithm to suggest less acceptable videos. When it comes to swearing though, I agree with the PP who said that is far more likely to come from the playground.

Not concerned enough to take the internet away or monitor him?

It might be worth listing what apps/safety measures you already have set up on the devices, so that people don't suggest the things you've already done.