To consider leaving when this is going on?

[Cantdoitanylonger]

I'm no longer attracted to my DH for a number of reasons, mostly his changeable moods. He will be dismissive, sighing at everything, and I mean just day to day stuff is met with complaints, eye rolls etc. I do still love him, more from who we were before and he is still fundamentally good person (I've raised with him on several occasions that he's probably depressed but absolutely dismissive of this to the point he will anger).

We split most household stuff but I do all life admin etc he would be has to have clear instructions etc usual, so this is exhausting.

Anyway after behaving like that he still thinks I want to sleep with him. Nope, no longer. If he doesn't get it, then the grumpiness is amplified....so I'm done and it's been like this now for some months. We are both under constant pressure at work with two young children, so stress is high.

I can also see him turning into his father (very angry man who shouts at the sky constantly and whom his mother has stated on several occasions she should have left earlier). I don't want to be his

Its been confirmed recently that FIL is terminally ill.....so everything is amplified. I'm not trying to pick up on anything that would generate the usual reactions as I've described above, so on eggs shells basically.

I'm trying to be supportive and it is obviously very sad for everyone. Sad for kids who are going to experience the first bereavement at a much younger age than I did.

Would I BU to say I've had enough at this juncture? I'm just not sure I can keep going (been very tearful of late with lots of other stress signs etc, I could run mile most days and then some), I'm at very bottom of the fuel tank and all the petrol stations are closed.

Is it worth trying couples counselling first or even just you having counselling on your own to work through it all. That way you can come to the right decision that is really right for you.

And I don’t think you would be in the wrong to leave. Life is too short to live in an unhappy relationship

Neither of your needs are being met. You’re exhausted and resentful (understandable) and he’s grumpy he’s not getting laid (predictable)
It sounds like all communication has broken down and you’re both in your own headspace where neither knows what the other one needs.
There was obviously something there when you got married so the only way to save it (if you want to) is to suggest marriage counselling to get the lines of communication open again. I always think that how a partner reacts to this suggestion is very telling. If they know that things aren’t good and want to save the relationship then they’ll be open to the suggestion. If not and they want to continue to wallow and suck the life out of their partner then it would be a sign for me that the relationship is one sided and not worth saving.

You are absolutely not being unreasonable for feeling this way.

I do think it would be good to really talk to him, but if talking to him is hard… what about writing a letter, that way you can’t be interrupted or feel belittled by an eye roll or a sigh.

I always think it’s good to give examples instead of bold statements such as “you roll your eyes” examples seem to help.

i also think it would be good to reflect on what’s changed since things really started going this way.

No matter what you decide to do, you must have that conversation!

xxx

I think for a lot of couples now life is far from easy. Your married with young kids and you both have stress at times in your job's. Then it appears that you have to spoon feed your husband about how to help out at home. Rather than telling you he is finding things are getting a bit hard for both of you at the moment he is going around rolling his eyes and moaning.
No wonder you don't feel like having sex with him as your probably physically and mentally exhausted. You mentioned that your fil is not well at the moment.

You need to tell your husband that you want to go to marriage counselling. If he moans or comes up with an excuse not to do this it will show you how he really feels.
Marriage can become hard due to any number of reasons but if your willing to put in some time and work it can improve. I tell your husband as well that you had enough of the eye rolling and moaning and it needs to stop.

Counselling is very unlikely to work. Just leave and get set up a new life

Thanks everyone. I might broach marriage counselling and see how it goes down. I do tell you need to stop sighing about everything, all the time! It's his go to reaction. This is why I've suggested he needs to address his own mental health as he's been like this long before the recent bad news about his father.

Did you try and it didn't work?