Contact arrangements

[HollyIvy89]

Currently due to past violence witnessed within kids dads home my eldest daughter 15 doesn’t wish to attend and stay at his home which I am supportive off. 10 year old is attending after a brief spell of not attending. He is now spoiling her full. Lavish gifts. 15 year old reached out said she could see him in say at weekend he asked what did she want to do, she said you choose. No further reply. She was left devastated. Youngest dropped home with her lavish gifts.

Today eldest made contact again and asked do you not care for me to which he has replied
let’s make this clear it’s my weekend too and I don’t want to be driving about to pick you up separately on top of the contact arrangement already in place
she is heartbroken
blames me as her safe person. Says I don’t understand
how do I navigate her rejection by her father
as well as her emotions and the fact that her father only wants contact on his terms?

It's a bit unclear in your post. When does younger daughter go? How far away is ex house?

@Hankunamatata he lives an hour 10 min away. His choice. He moved after we seperated for a lady. They meant to go every second weekend.

It’s a tough one then because doing another two hour round trip in the middle of the contact time doesn’t sound ideal either - especially for the 10 year old.

if she doesn’t want to go for the whole time can you help facilitate by taking her one way or her using public transport one way?

Separating out the background and other behaviours. He isn't unreasonable not to want to make two trips - it would ruin his contact time with younger dc and be unfair to her. If dd15 doesn't want to go for whole weekend then I'd suggest looking at public transport one way for her so she either goes with dad and comes home herself or the opposite

I can understand him not wanting to come back on the Saturday (assuming say was a typo for sat and that he does Fri to sun)but he was harsh to not reply and then in the message. Could he not take her (or both) out for lunch / a milk shake when collecting the 10 year old or when dropping her off?

yes I agree that he could come back with youngest and take her for a hot chocolate or something or I could certainly put her on the train to meet him. I think my frustration is that his reply was very harsh and offered no reconciliation by way of a solution. It was simply if you choose not to attend I won’t be bowing down to your demands of meeting up. It took great guts for her to even offer to meet him.