To feel bullied

[Rosebel]

I have had a rough few weeks with ill health and on Monday had an unpleasant conversation with my manager and was issued an invitation (?) to go to an attendance meeting Friday.
I ended up working yesterday and today (also tomorrow) against medical advice as I felt bullied by manager who basically said come in or loose your job.
Tried to hand my notice in but as I'd also be removing my son my manager said it was a huge red flag about safeguarding. For context DS is 3 years 7 months and has significant development delay and she said I'd put him at a disadvantage by removing him now and he wouldn't be school ready (he won't be anyway).
Further angry to discover she or the deputy had contacted his pediatrician and told her that I was thinking of moving him and I then had to endure a lecture from them about how it will disadvantage him to leave nursery now and that I'll find it hard to do an EHCP myself.
I am feeling bullied mainly by nursery in to staying in a job that I don't enjoy. They say it's for my son but it's because I'm the only qualified member of staff in my room so they can't operate without me.
However I fear handing in my notice now because I'm scared they'll involve SS or something and say I'm causing a risk to my DS.
YANBU they are using your son to bully you
YABU they are doing the best for your DS.

I don't have any advice re SS, OP, but you are definitely not being unreasonable! I'd go straight to my GP, get signed of for a good chunk of time, and then assess next steps. For sure I'd want to leave current job. Can SS really force someone to stay with a specific employer? Sounds unlikely.

This sounds really bad on their part, like holding you to ransom to either work there, keep your kid there or both. I would get a sick note from the GP, then when you are calm write down your reasons for leaving and for removing your child, without being too direct about personal blame on any individual. Then simply hand in your notice and send them this document. Surely they can follow the EHCP at another nursery? Then look for a new job, in fact start looking now if you can.

If you're qualified to work there then you're qualified to look after your ds at home.

Was it your paediatrician that said you'd further disadvantage your son by removing him? It's not really clear, or is all this coming from the school?

Get signed off with stress, I'm the parent of 3 sen children. If they are doing his ehcp don't pull him out he's so close to having to start school soon you really want all that done before hand incase you need to appeal anything. My middle child has significant delays she's gdd and asd she's now 8 years old and still mentally preschool level if she didn't get into her special school straight from nursery she would of been in an absolute mess in mainstream. Don't let them bully you you have legal protections both with your job on the sick and with timelines for the ehcp.

Sounds to me that they need you more than you need them hence the blackmailing.

He does need an EHCP but given the nursery haven't done it yet I'm worried it won't be in place by September anyway.
I had a teams meeting with the paediatric doctor and nursery deputy yesterday and I was late getting to it (because there was no staff to cover me) so obviously deputy spoke to her about me thinking of removing DS and the doctor totally backed the nursery.
I can't afford to go off sick for 8 weeks if I'd still be paying nursery fees. The idea was I could spend some time with DS before he starts school I am going to leave at the end of June though and say we have holidays booked.
It's a shame because the actual staff are lovely and his KW is brilliant but I just feel bullied

This is absolutely appalling and almost certainly Constructive Dismissal (indirectly forcing you to feel you've no other option than to quit )
Please please call ACAS