To think what parents are promoting young relationships?

[Indoorvoicesbluey]

Dd is turning 16 soon. The amount of people she knows who are in serious relationships where they are sleeping around each others houses. Like 16 year old boys dating girls that are 14?!

I had dd at 16 but my parents were unaware I was even sexually active as I was abit of a rebel. There is no way they would have let me sleep over a boys house. Am I just being a prude?! I’d be so upset if dd was having underage sex. Luckily she’s a home bird and isn’t into partying etc.

You just said it yourself though
your parents wouldn’t have allowed you and you did it anyway and ended up pregnant.
being a bit more open and understanding that 16 year olds are going to have sex then they are more likely to talk to you about it and be safe and aware.

I suggest you get used to the idea that she might. You had a child at 16, so surely you know this happens! Your response seems quite odd given your own history.

Sex also happens anywhere. People don't need a bed to have sex, so what difference staying over makes I've no idea. If people want to, they will.

Being closed off about it can lead to teenage pregnancies... much more so than being open and talking about safe sex etc.

It's better for them to be safe, comfortable, have some degree of safety (if there are others in the house) than go have unsafe ssx in a cold park with God knows who hanging about.

Neither situations are ideal, but sometimes you have to choose the lesser of two evils. You, of all people, should understand that op.

Allowing a 14 year old to have their boyfriend stay overnight is just awful. YANBU OP, it’s disgusting.

It’s entirely unecessary for 16 year olds to be having sleep overs and acting like they’re pseudo living together without the maturity to deal with that level of intensity. They can have sex, they can have sex in the bed and then they can go home. It isn’t necessary to play grown ups. Also one night becomes another and another and every weekend. No thanks

One of my sons, who is now 22, has been with his girlfriend since they were 15. Her mother was pushing the relationship. So excited that she had a boyfriend. It was ridiculous. There was no sleeping at each others houses. I would have gone mental if he had even suggested it. They went away to different locations for uni and would see each other on breaks, etc. I find it stunning reading on MN how many parents think what you described is appropriate.

Growing up, I often found that my friends who had mums that were teenagers when they had children were often stricter than average as they had the attitude of “my children won’t make the same mistakes that I did”.

Often this did have the opposite effect though, as my friends were still doing the same as others, but lying to their parents about it.

I appreciate that it isn’t nice to think of your teenage children being sexually active, but it is quite common around your DDs age

luckily me and my dd have an amazing relationship and me especially are very open about sex etc. she also has her head screwed on and is quite mature for her age so wants to concentrate on school work.

I just don’t understand it. Maybe I would think differently if she was obviously sexually active.

My daughter is a little younger at 12, and we have a very open relationship about these matters so far - she will speak to me about boys she fancies, how she feels about the prospect of a first kiss, etc.

I have told her I believe it would be better to wait till (at least) 16 to become sexually active, because it's my opinion that one is not emotionally ready to deal with the complexity of the emotions sex can bring when one is a young teen.

I have also told her that I would not condemn or judge her if she had sex younger than that, tho I would think it a mistake, and that I would rather she felt able to confide in me than not.

She currently tells me she intends to wait till (at least) 16 to have sex, but that's easy to say as a theoretical concept isn't it - she hasn't even kissed anybody yet! I've told her this as well, that intentions are all very well but it's easy to be led away by one's hormones.....

Because that's what I have been like since I can remember - whatever intentions I have ever had to wait/not have sex for a while, once I start getting intimate with somebody, kissing etc, all my good intentions have gone out the window.....

Over my dead body is my child going to end up feeling shamed/shit about herself because she acts on a natural human instinct a few months before it's deemed legal to do so..... But this may not happen anyway - she may have more restraint than her mom ever did!

I'm one of those parents. My almost 16 year old has been in a relationship for over a year. They are both the same age, both each others first love. They have occasional sleepovers, nothing regular. I have had many open and frank conversations with her about sex, consent etc and the emotional aspect of sex. We have spoken about contraception and the importance of this. She has said they are not having sex and I may be naive but she has told me of other things that are happening and there is no reason for her to lie to me. She works hard at school and has other friends, she just happens to have a boyfriend too. Her older sibling has no interest in romantic relationships, she's far too bothered with academic stuff and going out with friends.

I couldn't speak to anyone about sex and as a result I had a terrible first experience with a man much older then me.

Also I wouldn't call it promoting at all. I've had my concerns with her being in a serious relationship but she's actually shown me that I have nothing to be concerned about. Her school work is still at a high level, she still spends time with family and friends and she is in an equal relationship where she has appropriate boundaries.

Yup, it's not promoting... its accepting reality. Something too many parents don't do, then wonder why their child lies to them or they have a poor relationship.