AIBU... to not want to supervise.

[greentourmaline]

Husband has an interesting habit of letting the kids do as they want and not supervising. Our eldest (13) is at the stage of asserting her independence but is not always sensible and doesn't like to listen to instructions. She likes to cook - which I do with her when I have the energy, or will supervise including the tidying - but husband will buy her the ingredients, then leave her to it. I then come back to a MESS in the kitchen, which he takes no responsibility for. So I'm left either cleaning up or supervising the clean up, which we all know is even more effort than just doing it yourself...

I've just got back home (after an evening of running people to extracurriculars) to our daughter trying to dispose of melted chocolate down the kitchen sink and him having a nap upstairs. I called him down to deal with it. He's treating me like I'm unreasonable for telling him (in a cross voice, because he was walking away from me) that I feel he should have been supervising, and needs to supervise the cleaning.

Am I unreasonable to be angry?

Just damn lazy.

I feel exactly the same. I'm resenting his attempts to turn this on me.

also weaponized incompetence... he does something so shit, you do it in future

I think the 13 year old should be able to clean up her own mess. She's not a young child and if she can't do that well she can't use the kitchen, she's asking to bake, that includes tidying up

Yes. This is what I've told him, and her. Which is why I don't let her cook as often as I'd like to be able to. She doesn't like me supervising, but I tell her I'm going to (sit it the corner and watch, and make her tidy up after) until I'm confident she can do it sensibly without supervision.

Obviously, I can't control what husband does but it does frustrate me that I have to keep repeating myself and get met with accusations of being unreasonable. Apparently tonight I was "creating drama" for raising my voice while he was walking away. 🙄

I think a lack of supervision can be really healthy. She's a teenager and it's a good thing that she wants to be independent. But yes, then the 'parent in charge' should make sure she cleans up after herself which of course she is capable of doing.

I agree with those who say a 13 yr old shouldn’t really need supervising to do a bit of cooking unless she’s brand new to it. BUT she does need holding to account for the mess she’s made and he doesn’t do that either, which would drive me barmy.

I'd leave the mess next time until one of them cracks and cleans it up properly. And order takeout for one until the kitchen is usable again.

Alternatively leave a pile of his clean clothes in the vicinity while she's cooking.

You need to make the consequence for the mess affect them both.