These are reasonable house rules aren’t they??!

[houserulesteen]

Ds 19 wants to invite his new gf over - I have younger dc as well (ds 19 and ds16 actually share a room) he wants new gf over and for ds to agree to keep out for the day !

we’ve said that in terms of relationships it’s not just that anyone can stay at anytime (he seems to have a lot of what I’d call very short term relationships) it has to be longer term and he can’t just kick ds out as it’s his room too! He’s really furious ! Surely this is normal . I also have a daughter and I don’t want her to see her brother bringing home multiple women etc I feel that it’s fine but when it’s a proper relationship? Apparently other parents aren’t this strict

I can see his point, especially if his younger brother is of the sort that will comment loudly. You haven't said he is, but my 16yo ds would not be able to resist comments, I'm sure.

What I'd have done, would be suggest the 19yo bribed the 16yo. Gives him money to go bowling or to the cinema and gives them a few hours on their own. So he doesn't have to be out all day, but gives them some time with privacy.

We have a similar rule. Only long term relationships have staying over privileges.

Not so bothered about the daytime.

You need to point out his options, he can live at home for free and not have overnight guests or he can pay his way elsewhere and sleep with whomever he likes. It's the family home and you all need to feel comfortable there, learning the art of compromise won't do him any harm.

I had the same rule that only serious relationships could stay over , this is our family home with other dc . I don’t want strangers in and out on a regular basis .

Your ds is being ridiculous parents do
not have to facilitate their adult children’s private life. Get a room! Of your own.

Doesn’t matter what other parents do, they aren’t in charge of your house. He can’t expect your younger DS to leave his own bedroom because he wants a guest round that’s very unfair

Pretty sure it is up to his mother who she allows into her house so yes it is up to her to police it, if the adult son doesn't like the rules he could always get the money together and move out, then it will be his house his rules.

time for him to find his own place

I think you're doing exactly the right thing OP. I also think you did the right thing in telling him that if he want's your office space for his own room, then he'll have to pay for the privilege! Sounds like he's got three choices, bribe his brother to give him a few hours of privacy and go out, get his own place or go to the girlfriend's if she has her own place or parents who are happy for her to have overnight guests of the opposite sex.

Personally, I would have reworked the bedroom assignments a long time ago. I think it very odd that your eldest has no personal space but your youngest does.

Smallest room to the youngest.
Biggest room to parents with an area for a desk/WFH.
Other rooms to the older ones.

How does sharing work when your 19YO goes out a night? Surely he disturbs your school age 16YO?

He's 19, an adult, so his relationships are his own business and not yours to police

If he’s living in her home she’s perfectly entitled to police who stays there. If he wants to sleep with various women he can find somewhere to do that from his own pocket - there’s nothing wrong with the OP not wanting her house to be his knocking shop. If he’s adult enough to play the field, he’s adult enough to facilitate that away from his mums house.

I'm not entirely sure I see what your daughter has to do with this? Surely it should have been modelled to your son himself earlier, perhaps, not to bring girl after girl home, as opposed to your concern being your daughter? But he's an adult now, so it's up to him how many girls he wishes to see at this stage. Other than that, it's your house; your rules! Regardless of age.

Your house, your rules, and expecting to kick out his brother for the day is incredibly entitled and unreasonable. Your DS has some growing up to do.

I'm amazed they haven't come to some accommodation about use of their room by now. Maybe now's the time? They are both entitled to some private space....

Why doesn't he go to his girlfriend's house?

Indeed.

Why should the youngest get a tiny box room just because he was born later? Why should he sacrifice his space so his brother can have sex?

They are both young adults so have a similar need for space.

Having been through this phase I have to say the revolving door of relationships is exhausting. The nice ones are ok but the awful ones ... Ugh. You can't have a messy house, can't be in pyjamas, can't have a row, have to manage baths or showers around strangers. Its awful.