Sweet stuff. A kind of a poll

[saraclara]

After reading the grandparent and treats thread, you'd get the impression that the majority of mumsnetters only allow their kids a bit of chocolate or a biscuit once in a blue moon (if ever).
But I've just come back from the supermarket, and was particularly aware of the whole aisles of confectionery, crisps, biscuits, sweetened yogurts and desserts etc etc. So who is buying them?

I thought I'd ask everyone the question in the form of an anonymous AIBU poll. I tossed a coin to select which option was U. You don't have to post a comment or justify or argue your vote. I'm just curious as to whether the 'no sugar' posters are simply the most likely to respond to a thread like that while everyone else keeps quiet, or whether those aisles really are rarely visited by anyone on mumsnet.

So:
YABU - I avoid all chocolate and sweetened treats for my children and expect family members to keep to my rule

YANBU - I have sweets and/or biscuits, crisps, etc in the house and within reason allow my children to have them, and family members to offer them

• "Within reason" - let's say once a day or so.

You can do an actual proper poll on MN now with a selection of options - frequency, etc. Not sure this binary approach is very helpful.

Dammit. My first OP and I could have done better.

Everything in moderation. No food should be prioritised above another, seen as a “treat” or as “junk”. It should all be the same.

I wouldn’t allow anyone to “treat” or spoil my children with food. That’s how you create unhealthy relationships with food.

I have two problems with the grandparents approach.

The first is that they get the deciding say in someone else’s child. I don’t think it matters really (unless it’s a safeguarding concern etc) what someone tells you to not do with their child. What the parent says goes. It may be ridiculous to you but it’s not for you to act on that.

The second is that food is being used as a treat. To me, food is neutral. Nothings is good or bad. Some foods are more healthy than others so need to be eaten in moderation but we never use food such as chocolate as a treat. It can be eaten as normal and in moderation. We serve foods like that alongside main meals a lot of the time (a bit of chocolate with her dinner for example) and she can eat that whenever she likes (before her meal, during, after or not at all).

A few things - MN is a bit of an echo chamber. You see it on breastfeeding/formula feeding threads, most have breastfed even though U.K. has one of the lowest rates of breastfeeding. You also see it on the car seat threads - most posters will extended rear face but in real life you don’t see many rear facing past 2. You are also more likely to get anti-sugar parents posting and parents who allow sugar (at what interval) might not want to get the inevitable pile on that happens on MN.

These aisles don’t just exist for people with young children. Adults with no children buy these items too. Generally a lot of people buy these items and that’s a big problem.

We buy food from those aisle that we shouldn’t. I let my child have some sweets/chocolate and I let grandparents give her stuff. I might not let her have a full portion of whatever it is. I was pretty strict until she went nursery and then I realised I had no control over the situation and so have relaxed since then. I don’t demonise foods, I have my own food issues and I’m trying to not pass those on, I’m trying to teach moderation. So if we’ve had something once that day, we don’t have it again whether that be a banana, cucumber or chocolate because sometimes it can make us ill to eat too many of the same thing and because there’s a wide variety of foods and we don’t need to restrict ourselves. It doesn’t always work and so we have exceptional days when sometimes we might two of the same thing but it’s not a general occurrence.

We don't vilify foods in our house so nobody really feels like eating a crisp or a biscuit is "naughty" or a "treat". It's just a food item. If we fancy something, we buy it. If we don't, then we leave it. I personally would never buy something like the dreaded easter egg or galaxy chocolate because I think it tastes vile. It has nothing to do with it being either good or bad. Tommy's dark chocolate, on the other hand, is responsible for at least 10% of my food bill.
Re grandparents specifically, my mum would often offer something to the whole family to share or would buy something little for every family member. My granny still buys me a box of chocolate buttons every time I visit. As far as I can remember, there were never any rules imposed on my grandparents when I was growing up and I turned out with a very healthy relationship with food and excellent health.

Daily is too much, otherwise its hardly a treat.

Once in a blue moon puts too much power on sugary snacks, and could lead to overconsumption later on.

So half way between - maybe once or twice a week?

We do the same, serve “pudding” at the same time as the main. Grandparents were horrified 😂

”You can’t do that! She won’t eat anything else!”

Funnily enough that isn’t the case and she’ll have a bit of everything, because that’s how food works if you don’t put it on a pedestal.

I was pretty strict with mine and they only had very very occasional treats but we went once a week to PIL where there was cake, biscuits and chocolate buttons on offer, when we ate out they used to have ice cream for pudding (but no fizzy drinks) and popcorn at the cinema. Rules were relaxed at birthdays, Easter and Christmas. Dentist did tell me off for regularly giving them apple juice which I had assumed was OK health/teeth wise. One son has a raging sweet tooth.

You are also more likely to get anti-sugar parents posting and parents who allow sugar (at what interval) might not want to get the inevitable pile on that happens on MN.

That was my thinking too. Hence the anonymous (if people want to be) poll.

I buy 2 packets of biscuit type things every week, this week it’s Kit Kats and jammy dodgers. There are 4 of us in the house, they last as long as they last.
i don’t see them as ‘treats’, they’re just food.

Anecdata, (and no doubt I'll need a tin hat but I'm going to say it anyway) but mn has a skew towards a higher income, higher educated sector of society. So the echo chamber comment of pp is true... users are more likely to be aware if the issues with sugar, have the time and money to buy fresh and cook fresh, the list goes on. In summary, not likely to be the ones consuming vast quantities from the confec aisles.

So when my kids were little, I wouldn’t do that sort of treat every day. I probably would over Xmas for instance, and wouldn’t stress around Easter and birthday time. But generally during the week, biscuits maybe a few times a week, small puddings after dinner, sweets no unless it’s a present or something, or a party. Wouldn’t just have them around.

Now they are teens yes they absolutely have something like that daily. They appear to be using it, along with all the other food, to rocket up into the sky.

I buy a multipack of crisps every few weeks when they need replacing and a multipack of aldi knock off kinderbuenos a week. The kids can eat them whenever. I'll bake sometimes too. We aren't a biscuit eating family, just never have been. The kids are teens though now so I know they sometimes buy junk when out with friends or have it at friends homes. I don't stress about it. Grandparetns have always lived hours away so if they wanted to give them treats when they sawthem a few times a year it wasnt an issue. I've never been really restrictive about what the kids eat and as teens they seem pretty balanced.

I think that's the case to a degree. But so far the voting here seems to give a different impression from the proportions on the GP thread.
Though of course the fact that that OP is about IN LAW grandparents probably also has to be factored in!

I buy loads of this stuff!
DP and teen ds have a packet of crisps and a chocolate bar every day. 18year old mostly buys their own.
Younger dc have either a chocolate bar or a couple of biscuits or some cake after school most days. Crisps a couple of times a week. I don’t often buy sweets but they seem to have a never ending supply from Halloween/christmas/parties. Probably eat sweets once or twice a week as well.
And we get through a couple of packets of biscuits a week as well.

We don’t have desserts often, if we do it’s usually Greek yoghurt or homemade cake. Sometimes ice cream.

It’s not healthy but their lunches and dinners are with lots of veg if that counts for anything (breakfast is cereal/toast/pancakes so not healthy)

I don’t know anyone at all in real life who has the Mumsnet Fear Of Sugar. Pretty every parent I know, from every background, will give their kid a biscuit or something most days and would not have an issue with grandparents giving them chocolate.

I’ve often seen Mumsnetters berating other posters for giving their children too much fruit because ‘it’s full of sugar’. Again, not an attitude I ever encounter in real life.

In general I think a forum with a parenting focus attracts a lot of people who are quite obsessive about certain aspects of parenting, far more than you’d see in a random sample of parents.

I wonder who buys all that stuff in the supermarket too. We don’t buy that stuff but DC have ice cream, cakes, sweets etc when out and about and I’m not that parent at a party snatching the party rings away and giving my DC a carrot stick instead. We don’t really snack in between meals though, if we did then maybe we’d buy more snack food?

I voted for in moderation because I don't think the issue is whether you eat chocolate or not. I think its framing foods as treats. I eat a wholefood vegan diet because I believe its best for my health. When DGC are with me, which is most days, so do they, with some dairy and fish if necessary due to age or parents preference. Because I'm not going to give DC in my care food I don't think is good enough for me.
In my house there is no such phrase as 'treat food'. There are only foods that help our bodies and foods that don't help our bodies and have no purpose other than a nice taste for a moment or two. So we don't bother with those ones very often. No treat foods don't mean I don't treat my DGC. They get trips out, new books and toys etc. All of which they value more and for longer than they would an ice cream. So those things, not food are their treats.

So, so far only 7% completely avoid their kids having sugar/chocolate and demand the same from family members. That seems closer to what I'd expect (though still more than I suspect you find outside Mumsnet)

I feel all things are OK in moderation. No children in this house now, but we (all adults) eat chocolate, crisps, biscuits etc most days.
We also eat plenty of fruit, veg with every lunch/dinner, museli at breakfast etc etc.
I always feel really bad when I read about my diet on this forum but in general I think it could be a lot worse. Could always be better, of course. But life is for enjoying too.