Long time lurker first time poster. I guess I just feel desperate today. I’m sure people will tell me she’s an adult and to mind my own business.
My DD is 28. She’s a lovely girl, great job, independent with a nice flat. She has a loving family support around her and we all adore her.
However, for the past 10 years since university she has been on/off with the same man. They were in a relationship for 5 years, broke up for 6 months and then for a good 5 years now they’ve been back and forth.
It always runs in the same pattern. They will spend time together going on dates, seeing each other. He will then tell DD after these string of dates that he’s uninterested in her and really only sees her as a friend. She then becomes upset as he does. They go no contact for a few weeks/months and they start to move on and then he comes back asking to see her, he misses her, loves her and she agrees and the cycle continues.
It’s happened again. They’ve been going on a few dates lately, he takes her out for dinner and for hotel nights away and I bit my tongue and stayed out of it as she seemed happy. Last night he took her to the theatre, and for dinner and as they were stood on the train on the way home he told her once again he was unsure about her and thinks they should see other people. He doesn’t know how to feel about her.
Que a very upset DD ringing me telling me about it again, but this time she says she feels suicidal and doesn’t want to be alive anymore - by the time she had got home he had already messaged her saying that he was sorry again, regretted sleeping with her and going on dates with her the last few months and doesn’t know why he does it.
i just don’t know what to do. I feel like she is wasting her life away on this person that picks her up and drops her as he pleases. It’s getting her to the point where her self worth is on the floor- and the same thing happens at least twice a year and no doubt will happen again. If she blocks him, they always end up somehow back in contact.
It’s like she determines her self worth on what he thinks about her and despite me and the family telling her how great we think she is, how amazing she’s doing in her job and whatever else- she just doesn’t let it sink in.
I guess I’m just asking on how I can support her on breaking this cycle because after seeing her last night I just really worry that if this continues she might actually harm herself. I’m trying to build her self confidence but I don’t think that will help until this man is gone from her life.