To be annoyed with inlaws

[Contraversialcate]

There is a history of my DH family being selfish and ignorant but we all pretend to get along. For normal people tho I am curious; is it unreasonable to expect at least some acknowledgement or communication to say they are sorry to hear that one of my best friends has passed away (cancer). They knew it was coming; they knew how utterly close we were. Yet not even a mention of it despite me posting on family WhatsApp group (since left it).

I thought it was wholly ignorant but a friend says maybe they are just a bit rubbish at texting and not to be upset about it?!! I haven’t seen DBiL but I have seen in laws in person since it happened

AIBU - it’s a bit rubbish but don’t take it personally

YANBU - it’s really ignorant and uncaring

If it matters then you call them to tell them- you dont post on a group WhatsApp

I would also avoid a WhatsApp Facebook or instagram message- sharing something important on social media always reeks of grief grasping to me (not the right phrase but people who post about the deaths/illness of others to get attention for themselves)

My DH told his mum and his brother - no contact other than a brief message from his mum.

So she did respond.

It was actually the funeral notice I posted to see if SiL or BiL would pick up on it and message me

How manipulative and attention seeking of you.

No. You send condolences to the family of the bereaved. I suppose the first time they saw you they might say 'sorry to hear X passed', or whatever but nothing more than that.

All of this, but I will admit op this thing you have with them is coming across as more important than the news in the first place

Nothing they do will make you happy

You wouldn't send condolences to someone who lost their best friend who you'd met loads of times over the years? Really? Of course condolences aren't just for family

Genuinely interested to hear the range of responses - thanks all for your time and comments

Ok so they did know her quite well, that changes things. They were then very cold in not sending condolences. Did they mention it to your dh instead maybe?

They very well knew that she was one of the closest people in my life. Yes commented to him but I just wouldn’t ignore it if a family member lost a close friend, I’d be upset for them. I guess it’s all about empathy and emotional intelligence

My in-laws did this to me when my beloved mum died at only 54 years of age. Not only did they have not one word of consolation to say to me but my SiL then took active pleasure in rubbing my nose in it. I was grieving deeply and this happened three days after the funeral.

I've been NC with her for years and, I suspect as a consequence, my relationship with the others has also never recovered. I was seriously injured in an accident a couple of years ago and developed massive, life-threatening double pulmonary emboli. Following this event, my MiL saw me for the first time some six months later. On that occasion she visited our home, ate the food I'd cooked, and not only didn't trouble to ask how I was but refused even to speak to me. It was the last time she visited here and she will not be invited again.

Some things, you can't look past. I'm so sorry to hear about your awful loss, OP